Name: Bill Burr - Meeting Bill Clinton and Ted Kennedy
Uploaded: 2015-03-23T07:10:44.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Meeting Bill Clinton and Ted Kennedy' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-03-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Meeting Bill Clinton and Ted Kennedy' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-03-23. Transcript available.

I'll tell you what will never always amaze me is when fucking Ted Kennedy went
into that goddamn lake.
You know what I mean? You think the weight of his giant head alone.
I mean, that guy's head is like a was like a safe.
I saw that guy shook his hand one time.
It's a long story. Right after I shook Bill Clinton's hand, I was standing.
Standing on the side of the road in Boston and a buddy of mine wanted to go
down and see it.
He's like, oh, the president's coming down. Let's go look at the fucking motorcade.
Me and this other fucking friend of mine who was a total pothead.
We could give a shit. We were bleary eyed. We went down there and Clinton came
down the street.
He just wanted to see the motorcade. Right as he was coming to drive by us, the
motorcade dipped down this fucking alley.
And then we're looking at our buddy going, yeah, that was great, dude.
They fucking made a left turn and now we didn't see it.
And they go, no, no, no. He's going there to make a speech.
He'll probably be in there for like an hour. I'm going to go get a slice of
pizza.
You guys want anything? We're like, no, we're good. We're good.
So the dude who wants to see the motorcade goes off to go see if get a fucking
slice of pizza.
I mean, the pothead are fucking standing there not giving a shit.
All of a sudden, the crowd starts going nuts. Right.
Going fucking crazy.
And these Secret Service guys were behind this police barricade.
Tell everybody to put their hands up. Keep your hands up.
Both hands up. We can see it. Keep your hands up.
They're like freaking out.
And all of a sudden, here comes old Slick Willie walking up the fucking street,
high-fiving people.
Well, the well, his limo is driving slowly along next to him with the fucking
door open and walking right behind him was fucking Ted Kennedy.
So I high-fived Bill Clinton when he was president before Monica Lewinsky.
This is his first term, right?
Soft hands.
Soft, like, fucking, I don't know what.
Creepy, soft fucking hands.
Little hands.
Little soft fucking baby gross hands.
But he didn't have long piano playing fingers.
It was not a good experience.
I didn't even want to be there, right?
And then Ted Kennedy came.
I went to high-five him.
And the sheer size, the sheer mass of the guy's head, I literally went, whoa.
You couldn't fucking believe.
The fact that that guy, his head was so big, he never should have had a full
head of hair.
Just out of this sheer, like, surface area of it.
That just, even if he had a full head of hair, it's not going to be a full head
with that fucking head.
I'll tell you right now, thank God that guy didn't go bald, man.
Jesus Christ.
That would have been, that would have been something to look at.
So I shook his fucking hand, and Jesus Christ, he just looked like, you know.
I know he was sober at that point, but that guy, that guy lived a fucking, he,
he lived a rough one, you know.
Fucking lost three of his brothers.
The thing that happened to his sister, the whole fuck, crazy.
And he goes in the lake, he kills somebody.
Oh, my God.
Can you imagine his fucking wife sleeping next to him?
How much does that guy talk in his sleep?
Oh, I had nothing to do with it.
Give me another drink.
Jack, get down.
Get down.
That's brutal.
Anyways, so then Bill Clinton jumps in his fucking car, Ted Kennedy jumps in
with him, and they just fucking take off.
And everybody's like, oh, my God, I can't believe it.
Oh, my God.
And everybody just sort of walks away.
And then, like, all of that took maybe, like, 17 seconds.
And then everybody was gone, and the whole fucking thing was over.
It was like it never happened.
And then we turn around, and here comes my buddy coming up the street, biting
into a slice of pizza.
I'll never forget.
And he bites in, and then he, like, stopped mid-bite, and he looks around, and
he goes, ah, fuck.
He's like, did I miss it?
He goes, did I miss it?
And I go, yeah.
And I go, ah, I shook his hand.
He goes, what?
I go, he came walking up the street.
I shook his head.
And my buddy goes, no, you didn't.
And then he looks over.
I look over, and there's my pothead friend who's, like, galloping in a circle.
And he's just jumping up and down as he's galloping.
And he's going, I shook it twice.
I shook it twice.
Ah, if you could have seen the look on that dude's face, he was so fucking
disappointed.
We didn't even tell him about Ted Kennedy.
Anyways, so there's that story.
There's that story.
Boy, yeah.