Name: Bill Burr - Icebreaker (Pick Up Lines)
Uploaded: 2015-04-07T00:52:12.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Icebreaker (Pick Up Lines)' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-04-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Icebreaker (Pick Up Lines)' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-04-07. Transcript available.

All right. Icebreaker. Bill, I'm terrible at starting a conversation with the
girl. I'm good in an actual conversation. What does that mean? Oh, OK. So you
can just like if someone says, hey, welcome to fucking Denny's. Can I help you?
You're like, yeah, I'd like pigs in a blanket. Dude, I'm crushing, crushing
that shit.
Anyways, but I really get anyways, I'm good in actual conversation, but I
really get there because it starts off bad. What advice can you offer? Do you
have any lines or topics that would work? Thanks and go fuck yourself. Dude,
you're just going to have to learn to have a sense of humor about yourself. You're
going to have to fucking bomb.
You're just going to have to go up and bomb. There's no fucking, hey, baby,
what's your sign line that works? You've got to just come up. Here's the thing.
Don't if you're not good at hitting on women, don't go to a fucking meat market.
All right. What you got to do is you got to chat them up while you're just
doing.
Jesus, dude, it's been so long since I've been fucking singing. I was never
good in the meat market bars. I was always better. Like I met women on the
train. I met them in like the fucking gym.
I met them like like when we were doing like we're both riding on a fucking
train. You know what I mean? And there's no they don't they get they have their
guard up. I guess you're not going to be a mugger.
The fuck would I do? How would I talk to him on a train? I would just wait for
someone. If I saw someone that I liked on a train, the only way I could start
up a fucking conversation is if some crazy homeless guy.
Got on the fucking, you know, some crazy person got on the subway and everybody's
got that. Oh, shit. And then you make eye contact with them. And then I always
had a joke about the fucking homeless guy.
That's right. I took the piss out of somebody didn't have a house and that
would break the ice. And then maybe, you know, you know, you're on the subway.
It's like speed dating. You got to try to get the fucking number.
Before they get off. But if you're not good at conversation, you got it. You
got to get good at it. And I would say the gym. Jim's kind of creepy.
Hey, what are you working on? You know, she's fucking bent over doing bent over
rows, whatever the fuck it is. The only advice I have you. It's just like doing
stand up. You just have to get on stage. You just you have to figure it out. So
that's what I would do. I would get over your fear of bombing by getting out
there and just bombing and have a sense of
humor about how fucking bad it's going. Laugh at yourself and just keep
swinging away. Just keep swinging away. I don't know. Just go go run Burgundy.
Just be like overly arrogant about yourself, how fucking awesome you are. And
just say, you know, that she's thinking all this awesome shit about you. You
know, if you're an average looking guy, she'll think it's fucking hilarious.
And you kind of taking the piss out of yourself. There's that angle.
You know what I mean? I mean, I don't I don't fucking know. You can ask a
married guy. I have no fucking idea anymore. Somebody help this guy. You know
what? Why don't you guys? Why don't you guys send me in your best?
Icebreaker lines. The only one I think I ever had a good opening fucking line
was when I wanted to hit on this woman who was I already told you this. I want
to hit on this woman who was with this woman who was a redhead.
And I walked up. What did I say? I said, oh, I go, oh, hey, another redhead. I
go, you go into the meeting. And then a friend laughed. And then the redhead
thought I was into her. And I had to do like, you know, that swim move that
rushers do when they get trying to get to the quarterback. I had to fucking
push her out of the way and talk to the brunette.
And then she was like fucking annoyed that I was hitting on her. And then her
friend, I think, caved to the pressure of her cunty friend. Or maybe she just
looked at me like, I don't want to fucking talk to you.
I made her laugh, though. I got one laugh. I think I got one laugh in all my
years in those meat market bars. Fucking horrible. Fucking horrible. You know
what, dude? I don't know. You're asking another person that stunk at it. I can't
help you.
So how about how about listeners? Give me your best and your worst fucking
opening lines, your best and your worst results. And I'll read those next week
or whatever. And with any luck, that guy who hates me, someone will be playing
it in the fucking background.