Name: Bill Burr - Evansville Indiana Heckler
Uploaded: 2015-05-05T14:45:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Evansville Indiana Heckler' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-05-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Evansville Indiana Heckler' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-05-05. Transcript available.

How much you know, they're always talking about, you know, what fucking animals
that human beings act like.
What about the animals? The reference, you know?
You know what goes on in those woods, in those jungles? You know what goes on?
Murder.
Every fucking day. Every goddamn day, they're out there fucking murdering
people.
That's how they get their food. You know, they murder one another.
I mean, am I actually presenting the southern argument, basically supporting
hunting?
Hey, I'll tell you what, man. If we didn't shoot them, they'd just fucking eat
each other.
So what's the point? I'm hungry too, motherfucker. What am I supposed to do?
Eat you? Am I supposed to eat you?
Oh, one of the great heckles I ever got.
I owe somebody an apology in Evansville, Indiana.
The fun thing about when people text during your show is like, you know, I
always have the crowd.
Like, I can see the first few rows or whatever, but then it just kind of goes
black.
So if somebody starts texting, their whole face lights up when they're up there
so you can see it.
So I always freak people out. I'll be in the middle of my act, and I'll just
see this light like 40 rows up,
and I'll just point right at them, and I go, texting!
You know? And I do this little rift about the person dying of thumb cancer
because they can't put their phone down, right?
So whatever. I'm in the middle of my show in Evansville. I'm having a great
fucking time.
It's the last night of the tour.
You know?
We're going to go fuck.
Oh, I still haven't explained why I'm in Columbus, Indiana.
I'll explain that a little bit, right?
So I'm winding it down. I'm getting towards the end of my act, and I see this
person's face light up 40 fucking rows up.
And I go, texting!
And I start doing my little riff about thumb cancer.
And, um...
The guy ends up going...
He yells out.
After I finished it, my whole long soliloquy about this person texting, right?
And he goes, uh...
He just yells out.
I was taking your picture, you fucking dick!
Oh, my God.
Taking your picture, you fucking dick!
And, uh...
I forget what I said to him, but I was wrong.
It's like, all right, you just...
And I go, well, you're not supposed to.
I'm going to hang out after the show.
You can do it then.
I kind of wear my way out of it instead of being like,
Oh, you know what, sir?
I was wrong.
I thought you were texting.
You were actually taking my picture,
meaning you obviously were having a good time with the show.
I was in the wrong.
I owe you an apology.
I'm sorry.
Instead, I just said,
Well, you're not supposed to.
And that was like two days ago.
I just keep thinking of that.
That's been making me laugh for two days.
You know, like when somebody just says something
that just strikes you as funny?
Like, for two days, it just keeps popping in your head.
You know what I mean?
And people think you're weird
because you just burst out laughing out of nowhere.
I've been doing that for two days.
I just went over to a Waffle House.
I'm on the road.
Cut me some slack, right?
I fucking go over there.
I'm in the middle.
I'm sitting at the counter.
You know, it's like elbow to elbow
because it's a Sunday here when I'm recording this.
And I'm sitting next to this fucking guy.
And out of nowhere, you know,
I didn't know what I was doing.
I think I already ordered my stupid dinner,
my breakfast.
And I just heard this guy's voice.
Taking your picture, you fucking dick.
And I just bursted out laughing.
And I kind of weirded out the guy next to me.
Like, why is this guy laughing?
Is he laughing at me?
Is he a fucking problem here or what?
So I apologize to that guy.
You were right.
I was wrong.
And then also, I want to thank you for probably, you know,
I don't think you're sitting around still laughing at my act.
You've making me laugh for 48 hours.
I'm sure you weren't laughing at my act after I trashed you for texting.
You took it really personally.
Taking your picture, you fucking dick.
That was great.
Don't do that in Alabama.
Don't say that in Alabama.
I'm taking your picture, you fucking dick.
And then my other favorite one was, uh, was in Mobile.
I was doing some bit about something dumb that I did.
I said, can you believe that?
Why the fuck would I do that?
And I hear this guy go, fucking dumbass.
Needless to say, old Freckles had a great time.
Taking your picture, you fucking dick.
Taking your picture, you fucking dick.
The more exaggerated, the more, the more it just keeps giving.
Oh, it's the joke that just keeps giving.
Oh, it's the joke that just keeps giving.