Name: Bill Burr - Advice: In Love With A Lesbian
Uploaded: 2015-05-12T13:31:35.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: In Love With A Lesbian' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-05-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: In Love With A Lesbian' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-05-12. Transcript available.

All right. In love with a lesbian. Oh, you fucking romantic fool.
Hey, Bill, saw your show in Memphis, and I just wanted to say you fucking
killed it. Thank you.
I drove all the way from Arkansas and was stoked to meet you and get an
autographed poster.
Well, thank you. Anyways, I just wanted to get your take on my weird situation.
There's this girl I've liked since I started grad school, and we've known each
other for four years.
She's fun, intelligent, kind, and in my eyes, at least, beautiful.
Well, why'd you have to fucking qualify it there?
Thing is, I found out early on she didn't play for the team.
I thought she didn't play for the team. I thought she did. I was devastated.
Soon after that, the woman she loved died, and she's still taking care of said
woman's kids from a previous relationship.
Since then, I've moved away. I've tried a bunch of things to try and get over
her.
You know, the usual shit. Jim, bury yourself in work. Go after other ladies.
I visited her intermittently in the past four years. Well, that's not good for
you.
And I can't seem to stop caring for her. Would love to hear what you would do
if you were in my situation.
Thanks again, and go fuck yourself.
I think you just have to deal with the fact that you're in love with someone
that's not going to love you,
and you need to move on and just keep doing what you're doing. Keep going to
the gym. Bury yourself in your work.
I wouldn't bury yourself in work. Who the fuck wants to work all the time?
But yeah, instead of going after other ladies, why don't you try to go find one
that you have something in common with?
All right? Like if you had to make a list right now of somebody you were
looking for to spend the rest of your life with,
I don't think being a lesbian would be on that list because she's not going to
get with you unless, I don't know,
she feels like living a lie. Right?
But at some point, you know what I mean, she's going to go get her hair done.
What would I do? I would have faith in the fact that the right person is going
to come into your life.
I would stop with the visits because that's just, you know, that's like going
back and hitting the crack pipe.
You know, you're fucking Charlie Brown trying to kick the football again.
You fucking land on your back and you get back up.
What are you doing? You know, I would just, you know, I think if you want to
fucking meet somebody nice,
you have to start living a nice life yourself. You know what I mean?
Like what's funny is, you know, you see these dance clubs, beep, beep, beep,
beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.
Nobody meets their wife or husband in there, you know, fucking roofie central,
you know,
everybody on fucking drugs and glow sticks.
I mean, you just got a bunch of fucking, you know, either immature or damaged
people in there.
You don't put a baby in that.
You don't accept somebody's fucking goddamn baby batter.
Oh, that's disgusting.
You just, yeah, get the fuck out of there.
Okay.
You don't meet your wife, you know, in black light.
I would, I don't know.
There's a lot of stuff that you can do in your 20s to actually meet a great
person that you never really think of doing
because you think you got to go out, you want to go out to bars, you want to do
all that crazy shit,
get it out of your fucking system.
But if you actually, you know, I don't know, join like some sort of league,
play sports or do some volunteer work
or something like that, you're going to meet a great person, you know, or a fun
person.
Stay out of those stupid ass fucking clubs that every guy, every mouth breather
goes to.