Name: Bill Burr - Four Cancer Charities Are Shams
Uploaded: 2015-05-22T13:33:17.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Four Cancer Charities Are Shams' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-05-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Four Cancer Charities Are Shams' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-05-22. Transcript available.

People wanted me to talk about this, to go off on this shit, but I mean, didn't
you already know that this was, I don't even know if this is illegal.
Government says four cancer charities are shams.
All right, well, in Washington, a rare joint action with attorneys, attorney
generals from each of the 50 states, the Federal Trade Commission says four
cancer charities are raw, shut up.
Oh my God, what did I do?
Why is it talking to me?
How do you hit mute on this fucking thing?
Oh God, I know this is just going to come back and haunt me.
Oh, here it is.
That's one of these fucking commercials you can't shut off, right?
There you go.
Why can't I shut you off?
Why can't I shut you off?
Don't I have a say?
I turn it down, right?
I do mute.
I have the power and then I scroll you down so I don't watch your fucking
message.
Anyways, in a rare joint action with attorney, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
just said four cancer charities run by extended members of the same family, con
donors out of $187 million from 2008 to 2012.
These guys were making like Derek Jeter's salary between the four of them and
spent almost nothing to help actual cancer patients.
Each of the charities charged with the subject of extensive reporting.
What?
We're charged and were the subject of extensive reporting by CNN in 2013.
And in an instant, CNN patting themselves on the back.
And in an instant, none of the four charities, in each instance, none of the
four charities would comment.
We were ordered out of the building at the Cancer Fund of America in Knoxville,
Tennessee.
I love Knoxville.
And with the object of an obscene gesture by the CEO of the Breast Cancer
Society in Mesa, Arizona.
How funny is that?
You're fucking running a charity to raise money for breast cancer.
You're taking most of the money and then you have no comment to the press.
And when they show up, you flip them the bird.
Good Lord.
Ah, it's always good to see somebody that you know is going to be a little
further down in hell than you are.
You know what I mean?
It gives you a little bit of hope.
Like, all right, I'm not that bad.
God can only be so mad at me when this guy's coming down the pike, right?
If any luck, he'll die right before me.
I might sneak by.
You know what's funny is that the level of stealing that these guys had to do
before they got caught.
The fact that they were taking like 97%.
Because I feel like the NFL is so fucking big and so fucking powerful that they
can continue to do this pink shit.
If it's true.
This is all alleged, by the way.
You know, if they're taking the level that people are saying in the 90 percentile
and all their pink horse shit.
You know what I mean?
I mean, I don't know.
The NFL is right just below a bank as far as they're not going to take these
guys down.
That's the bread and circus.
That's what keeps everybody fucking occupied while these banker cunts do
whatever they want.
Right?
Anyway, so I don't know.
I know St. Jude is a good one.
I know the Jimmy Fund is a good one.
I know Cam Neely, Dennis Leary, that cancer house is a great one.
I'm just sticking with those.
I'm just sticking with.
And other than that, you know what I mean?
If I want to fucking, you know, give money to veterans, I'll walk up to a
veteran.
I think that's the best way to make sure they actually get the fucking money.
How about that, everybody?
How about we do it that way?
How about rather than the fucking NFL charging these people to come out on the
field and fucking yammer on about their bullshit and then knowing that they're
going to take their skim out.
Right?
They're like casino.
Right?
They're getting their taste.
Charlie fucking him.
You made me pop your fucking eye out for Charlie fucking him.
That's what they're doing.
Right?
Skimming off the top.
Just fucking walk right up.
I don't know how to, there's got to be a way to do it.
Can you just walk into a veteran's hospital?
Just come walking in with a bad catch.
All right.
Who needs it?
Go cut out the middleman.
Fucking go directly to him.
They wouldn't want that.
Wouldn't want it that way.
Then they can't track the fucking money and tax the shit out of it.
Oh, goodness.
You know, it's been a while since I've been this negative, you know, probably
since the last Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast,
possibly.
Um, that's got to be fucking, I mean, Jesus Christ.
I wonder if those people are like such psychos that they can actually sleep at
night.
You know what I mean?
I've done a lot of fucked up shit in my life, but it keeps me up at night.
That's, that's my one saving grace.
I will sit there.
I'll talk in my sleep.
I'll grind my teeth.
If I fuck up, you know what I mean?
You know, it bugs me.
These people, they, I mean, I can't imagine just sitting there.
Cause if you're, dude, if you're, if you're raising the kind of money that they
were raising, you know what I mean?
You know, and one of them was like a father son combination, two different
fucking charities.
So he taught his son, the ropes, right?
Like Marlon Brando down to fucking, uh, Al Pacino.
Godfather one, Godfather two, right?
You know, they got to be just sitting there going like Jesus Christ at night
after they accepted yet another award.
I had one of those Tom Cruise, Buck Rogers things put around their fucking neck,
you know, tirelessly working against the fight against cancer.
Then at some point, you know, you got to stand up there giving a speech to
people going, you know, each year hundreds of thousands of people.
I don't know how much it is.
I don't really research it because I'm keeping all the money get diagnosed with
some form of cancer that I'm not familiar with each year.
You guys give me money and I go out and get a cigar boat.
But most of the money that's left after I buy that boat goes towards fighting,
uh, instep cancer, a very rare form of, uh, cancer that affects a couple of
feet every year in, uh, Laos.
And we want to stop it.
Thank you for helping us.
And, uh, believe me, I appreciate this reward.
Thank you.
God bless America.
Um, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about here.
Uh,