Name: Bill Burr - Donald Trump, Hair Plugs, Plastic Surgery
Uploaded: 2015-06-19T13:16:25.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Donald Trump, Hair Plugs, Plastic Surgery' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-06-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Donald Trump, Hair Plugs, Plastic Surgery' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-06-19. Transcript available.

what the fuck is with my brain today my brain is all over the place what the oh
i want to talk
about donald trump there we go i don't have my list in front of me i usually
got a couple of
subjects to keep me rolling here um did you guys see donald trump talking about
how that he wanted
to and he's going to run for uh run for office here president of the united
states how fucking
stupid was that announcement the way he like drew it out like everyone was
going to be excited
so i am announcing my candidacy for the president of the united states it's
like we got it donald we
got it we got it okay we understand all right you're going to be running like
this is like a good thing
i've seen guys like this run my entire life these guys who are just like i got
a ton of fucking money
and i'm just going to go in there it's like no dude you're going to get the
shit kicked out of you
you're going to get the shit kicked out of you because you're going to be going
up a bunch of
guys smileys that are already bought and paid for and those are the guys that
are going to get in
but just listening to him talk like he went on the o'reilly factor and bill o'reilly
is going like
how are you going to stop isis which of course is always the big question in
this country how are we
going to stop isis fuck these people that you know are fucking with our food
supply right here in the
united states fuck these people that are you know want to privatize water yeah
those guys aren't that
big a threat let's go after these cunts all the way over here right that are
bankrupting us so anyways
sorry for the politics all right this is just my own ignorant point of view all
right and i finally
found someone who sounds dumber than me which is fucking donald trump so they
ask him he goes so how
are you going to get him he goes i would hit them so hard it would he goes i
would find the right
general i would find my patent or eisenhower and i would hit them so hard it
would make your head spin
right he just sounds like somebody at a bar like i hope he hangs in there long
enough or i get a
good six months out of this right and they so bill o'reilly's going like so you're
going to send in
ground troops and he is that what you're telling me and donald goes i'm not
going to tell you what
i'm going to do i got to keep it a secret right which i'm like that wasn't a
bad answer and then he
o'reilly keeps pressing him he goes so so you're going to but some point you'd
have to send in
ground troops right you would be sending in ground troops and he finally just
caves he goes no i
wouldn't and then a rather is like well what would you do he goes i'd bomb the
hell out of him
i gotta tell you something once again donald trump is proven that you have to
be literally out of your
mind to either want to be president run for president anything at all for him
to just so
just casually just say i'm gonna bomb the hell out of him you know i would
think that that would be
like even if you knew that that's what you had to do that that's a hell of a
thing to have to say
you know because you know not all of those bombs are gonna land on the people
you're trying to hit
some of them are going to land on some mother feeding a baby and that's going
to be on your
conscience for the rest of your life even if it was the right thing to do so
you you try to like i
don't know i guess choose your words more carefully or maybe it's refreshing
that he just had bombed the
hell out of him you know he should have literally just been stuffing a sandwich
in his mouth as he's
talking i kicked the out of him i didn't write in the balls just speaking in
like
just total generality i mean he sounded like he was doing a podcast he didn't
you know he sounded
like me um i don't know but you know he did all right in the hair plug
department remember when he
was doing that psycho uh flock of seagulls comb over that he was doing that
thing has disappeared
let's give it up to the people who make hair plugs they're really doing a hell
of a job
you know they started off horrifically um or whatever the hair transplant i
think elton john
got like the first one he's been wearing wigs ever since like his top of his
head looked
like bobby orr's niece by the time they were done with it and um so now he's
had to wear that little
page boy haircut for the rest of the time you know poor fella all he wanted was
hair you know now he's
got to have that little little wig on he's got his little stubby fingers trying
to reach those keys
got a little fat you know there's a lot to feel bad about when you look at elton
john
poor guy you know did a little too much coke right went on went on mtv unplugged
a little
coked up in a very unfortunate uh running suit
why am i talking about him oh let's get back to donald okay so in the 90s
right then they went with the ant leg ones you remember though the insect leg
ones where you just
couldn't stop looking at it it was literally like sewn into your head people
used to call it doll hair
um and now they've gotten to the point where they just sort of they sort of
sprinkle it in i think
they take it out the back they vacuum it out of the back and then they put it
on a tray and then like
a fairy comes by and just takes the tray and skips around your head going and
they drop it in and it
looks very natural evidently but then what happens is is those ones i guess can
survive whatever hell is
going on beneath the scalp but the other ones that weren't built for it they
still fall out so then
you got you got i think you got to get reseeded again i don't know i'm still
holding out for the
fucking pill until then i'm going to keep buzzing my head it'd be hilarious if
like eight years they
come out with a pill right to cure baldness and all of a sudden guys like me we
come back from for
the fucking mr clean look to coming back looking like we're in the bgs right
ah that'd be hilarious i would actually be willing to take the risk on that one
which is really
fucked up because you know that it would do some sort of unbelievable damage to
your liver there's no
way there's no way i mean you're with mother nature aren't you i mean you can't
that's the
fucked up thing about plastic surgery and everything is you're really your your
face
your hairline becomes a lie you know if you're young enough especially you know
what i mean and
people are looking at you like and they're attracted to who you aren't you know
what i mean like what if
it's the nose that just gets the person going and then that's not your real
nose and then you bang and
you have a kid you're like what the happened to that kid's nose did you cheat
on me did you cheat
on me you fucking whore and then she takes out her fucking high school yearbook
it's like no this is
what i really look like you know and every time your kid starts walking towards
you with that crooked
nose you can be thinking like this fucking bitch lied to me you know which will
affect your child rearing
one of the weirdest fucking words ever that's just i don't know was that before
they realized that
pedophiles existed that somebody came up with uh what's a good word for raising
your child i don't know
rearing