Name: Bill Burr - DJ Ashba And Nick Offerman Advice
Uploaded: 2015-06-23T15:33:28.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - DJ Ashba And Nick Offerman Advice' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-06-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - DJ Ashba And Nick Offerman Advice' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-06-23. Transcript available.

I saw this article on, oh Jesus, did I get rid of it? Where is it? There it is.
This fucking guy who's evidently the 970th member of Guns N' Roses.
And I know, even though I'm making fun of that fucking band, you know,
I don't even make fun of the band like the musicians think,
it's just the fact that they're still calling it Guns N' Roses, right?
That would be like if you bought McDonald's and you fired that fucking clown,
and you're still going, yeah, and you fired the Grimace and the Hamburglar,
and you got rid of Mayor McCheese, none of them were there anymore.
But like, I don't know, the fucking one of them, the Grimace stuck around.
No, you know what Ronald McDonald did, because Axl is a fucking redhead.
And you're still acting like it's this band of brothers, whatever.
So anyways, there's this article by the 9,000th guitarist and guitarist,
the guy's DJ Ashba.
And it says, DJ Ashba, Guns N' Roses guitarist DJ Ashba,
claims his aunt and uncle invented technology for aerosol cans.
All right?
Guns N' Roses and 6AM, Nikki Sixx's band,
guitarist DJ Ashba was interviewed by Sweetwater editorial director Mitch Gallagher.
Here's what he said.
Ashba says, who owns a company centered around media and advertising
that runs various other countries was asked what takes him in those directions.
He responds.
Now, basically, they wrote exactly what he said,
so I'm going to maybe fuck up the emotion of this thing.
But basically, he said, you know, I don't know.
I've always had that creative bone.
My aunt and uncle invented the technology for aerosol cans.
So ever since I was young, dot, dot, dot,
they came out with a product when I was really young called Pam.
That's like a buttery spray.
And I've always kind of grew up in that environment.
I thought outside the box,
and it really taught me that it's better to create your own job
than to work nine to five.
So that's what's always been my mindset.
I just love creating.
Ashba also talked about his belief that musicians should diversify
and have a backup plan.
He said, I absolutely will always stand by that.
If you put all your eggs in one basket,
all you got to do is drop them, and they're going to break.
And every one of them will break.
But the whole thing, dot, dot, dot,
and I've learned this from 6 a.m. bandmate, Nikki Six.
It's like you set up buckets.
You set up buckets.
Little incomes coming in there, there, there, there, there.
And as a whole, that's how you, you know, with this one,
Jesus Christ, this is getting difficult.
If three buckets aren't doing well this month,
but the other ones are, you're going to be fine.
So it's diversifying.
But if you put all your eggs in one bucket
and you have five months of, you know,
things aren't going that well,
that could spill all your eggs.
Right?
Now what the fucking guy said in there,
I'm telling you,
is the key to freedom
and making your money work for yourself.
So I'm looking at the comments
and everybody's just shitting on him.
Next thing you know,
he'll be telling us he invented whippets.
Somebody wrote,
so the fuck what?
I guess that's some new cool way of saying what the fuck.
And somebody wrote,
and he invented huffing aerosol cans.
I would like to salute auntie and uncle Ashba
for making it possible for me to get high
on the cheap
during my turbulent and troublesome teen years.
Buy a real shirt.
So his aunt and uncle are responsible
for the deaths of countless insects
for screwing up the ozone layer
and even worse,
for all the horrible hairstyles of the 80s.
Congrats.
Someone writes,
this guy is the ultimate poser.
It's,
everybody just shits all over him.
Now, I don't think he really fucking meant aerosol.
I think he just invented Pam.
I don't know what.
But in the middle of all that,
he said some brilliant shit
about how,
this guy's made it as a guitarist,
right?
But then he's starting this business on the side
with the money that he's made.
So if the next album doesn't do well,
his business is doing well.
And there's this thing
in,
you know,
I found being a comedian,
people always say that,
hey,
you know,
if you have a fucking backup plan,
you're not going to go 100% as a comedian.
And I kind of bought into that,
you know,
you know,
early on.
But the reality is,
you can make all this money
as a comedian,
as a guitarist,
as whatever you're doing,
but then you can take that money
and start other shit.
You know,
I got this stupid ass podcast.
I got some money coming in
from the fucking advertising.
I do my standup.
I got money coming in from that.
And now I'm looking at,
okay,
maybe I'll take this money
and go buy an apartment building
and become a fucking slumlord.
And then when I'm in like 70,
if I own enough
of those fucking things,
I don't have to go on the road
or if people are just like,
oh,
he's that old freckled fuck.
He's been talking about
the same shit for 50 years.
Fuck him.
And I go back down to playing
in front of 30 people.
I can still do it
because I love it,
but I won't become destitute.
And this guy is like
giving you this information
for fucking free
and everybody just shits all over him.
I don't know.
I found it really,
really inspiring
and a combination of that.
And I also,
I was reading this thing.
I'm going to fuck up the guy's name.
I think his name is Nick Offerman,
that guy from that show,
you know,
where every Parks and Recs,
the guy looks like an older
Zach Galifianakis.
You know him?
He's funny as fucking hell.
He does a lot of voiceover,
cartoon shit.
Why don't you just look it up, Bill?
Because, you know what?
I got my fucking hands full right now.
I'm holding the recorder
and I got my phone.
But he had this great article
and I'm going to read this
to you guys here.
It said,
what is the best advice
you ever received?
And he said,
I had this amazing teacher in college,
my sensei in the Kabuki theater.
And I thought that that was
when the women, you know,
fucking put on the makeup, right?
And they gave you a hand job
in the end?
I have no fucking idea.
Anyways,
name,
Shozo Sato.
I probably fucked up his name.
For me,
he was between Mr. Miyagi
and Obi-Wan Kenobi.
He told me to always maintain
the attitude of a student.
No matter how old you are,
wake up in the morning
and think,
okay,
how am I going to better myself?
Am I going to improve my French?
Am I going to give my wife
a good back rub?
Then you can go to bed
having tried something.
It's led to a life
that is more fruitful
than if you have the mindset
of being a master.
Once you think you're the master,
then you grow bitter
waiting for someone
to throw you a parade
because you're so fucking smart.
He didn't say fucking smart,
but those two things
right there,
right there.
You know what I mean?
I hope you got something
out of that.
I have no fucking idea.
But,
that's the way
you should go about it.
If you play guitar,
whatever the fuck you do,
if you think that,
yeah,
dude,
I'm the shit,
then you stop growing
and then these young bucks
run you down.
I'm basically saying people
that even though
I can tell a shit joke
at the level that I can,
I never stop trying to find
a better way
to tell that shit joke.
What if I squatted down
and really tried
to take a shit on stage?
I mean,
those are the kinds of things.
I'm making fun of it,
but I really got inspired
by both of those things.
So,
there you go.
Now,
I can't always be sitting here
on the podcast
screaming cunts,
can I?