Name: Bill Burr & Nia - Advice For My Daughter
Uploaded: 2015-06-30T14:42:27.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Nia - Advice For My Daughter' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-06-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Nia - Advice For My Daughter' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-06-30. Transcript available.

Advice for my daughter.
Top of the morning to you, standard redhead joke that everybody's done a zillion
time.
All right, I want to thank you in advance for any advice you have for me or my
daughter.
My daughter is 13, I'm going to say it the whole way through, is 13 and doesn't
have many interests.
At least none that she is willing to stick with.
Well, she's only 13, dude.
The fuck, she's got to pick a career?
You're screaming at her every night.
Is it going to be finance?
You're going to be a nurse?
Mom!
However, there seems to be one subject that keeps coming up that she asks my
help with, and that's comedy.
She's a funny and incredibly sarcastic kid, my favorite type of humor.
Well, she probably got it from you then.
Yeah, I was just about to say that.
Yeah.
Oh, because she's daddy's little sarcastic girl.
And she wants to learn how to write jokes.
I have searched for classes, but they appear to be given at a comedy club, and
I don't think they would want a 13-year-old girl around.
You wouldn't want to bring a 13-year-old girl down to a comedy club.
They've got to have a person like a sailor.
They've got to have some kids' programs.
Don't they do that?
Let me finish before you come in here with your wisdom.
Can you recommend any kind of book or video class that she can study?
I've seen a lot of material, but I'm not sure what will help her get started.
Big fan and appreciate any suggestions that you may have.
And if you read this on the Advice Show, please give me a heads up.
I will have her.
How the fuck would I give you?
I don't know who you are.
What is the Advice Show?
Let her hear it directly from you and not shittily passed along from her moron
father, and I would like to count how many mistakes you made reading this
letter.
I kept the word.
Well, you want to talk about mistakes, too, when you said at least none that
she's willing.
You spelt none, N-O-N.
All right, fucko?
I kept the word small for your illiterate ginger ass.
They're such arrogant cunts.
Maybe this is why your daughter doesn't like to share interest because you're
kind of a prick.
No, he is.
You know what it is?
He's worried that I'm going to shit on him, so he's going to shit on me first.
So, anyways, first of all, Emerson College, all of a sudden now you can major
in comedy.
I heard that tonight.
Yeah, which kind of makes sense considering the tickets.
The comedic legends that have graduated from the school, such as Bill Burr.
Just the tickets that comics are selling.
When I started out, there was a handful of people playing theaters.
And that would be, like, George Carlin, Bill Cosby.
See, I'm already forgetting.
I mean, maybe those guys that had their TV shows.
And when I started, Seinfeld still hadn't become a hit yet.
So, he was probably just selling out clubs.
Maybe Roseanne Barr, if she gave a fuck enough at that point because Roseanne
was still going.
But there was a, I mean, it was a short, short, short list.
And now there's, like, a zillion people out there, it seems.
They're all playing theaters.
They're all writing new hours and everything.
Like, there's never been a more prolific time.
So, I think they're finally seeing it when, like, how many fucking comics have
sold out Madison Square Garden?
Like, that was like, it was like Eddie Murphy did it, Dice Clay did it, and
then Dane Cook did it.
So, there was, like, a fucking, there was two guys in the 80s, nobody in the 90s
that I knew of.
No comic in the 90s that I know of that wasn't, well, Eddie had already stopped.
Dice maybe did it in 1990.
Dian Feld?
No, I don't think, yeah, he was doing the show.
That was when a lot of, yeah, comics were doing their own TV shows.
Yeah.
Tim Allen.
Yeah, I don't know how it happened, but all of a sudden now, you know, there's,
like,
like, I think I know, like, five people that sold the fucking thing out.
So, it's now a, it's finally, I think, comedy.
Well, maybe they're having it as, like, comedy writing and that, but I always
look at it as, like, being a comedian.
It's actually a, it's a career now where people used to kind of look at it,
even though it always was a career,
but it was always kind of viewed as, like, it was a stepping stone to get a
sitcom.
I find it strange that, like, you major in comedy.
It's cool, but it's, like, it's such a weird thing.
So, they're probably going to.
It is weird.
Do you have to be funny in, like, your application and shit?
Right, exactly.
How do you do that?
They probably do, like, the acting program where you have to do some material.
They probably study all, like, the history of comedy from the very beginning,
like, vaudeville up until now.
They watch a ton of specials.
They probably have to write.
It's kind of like when I did Emerson and I graduated with a media arts degree,
right?
We watched a shitload of movies.
We wrote a lot of papers about it.
That's probably what they're going to do.
They have to do some sort of performance.
Right.
Well, right now, I would say, his question was, what can you do now?
I would just say.
What city are they?
Did they say what city they're in?
I don't know.
Listen, I would just say, just watch as many comedians as you can or watch as
many comedies as you can.
Depending if you want to be a writer or something like that.
I mean, these are the fun years.
Like, there's no, like, you're 13.
I mean, it's not like something impressive.
Yeah, exactly.
It'll probably change.
It should be enjoyable.
No, but it should be enjoyable.
In six months.
It should be enjoyable.
Yeah, why are you trying to make it a career for her already?
No, no.
Because he loves her.
No, I know.
I know.
I'm just joking.
But also, they do improv classes for people that age.
That's a good, fun thing to do.
Don't do.
Don't take an improv class at 13.
That's like teaching a kid how to throw a fucking curveball.
What do you mean?
They're too young.
Well, if you try to teach a kid when he's too young to throw a curveball, let
me finish.
You're fucking interrupting me here.
They're fucking, they get the Tommy John surgery.
Now what?
Now you're going to pout on me?
I'm not pouting.
There you are.
That's your pout face.
Is this my pout face?
Yeah.
I had a nice fucking reference there about throwing the curveball.
It was going well.
And you were jumping in on me.
So I decided to defend myself.
And now you know what's going to happen?
You're going to fucking, you're within three more dumb things of me saying of
doing that
thing where you cross your arms and you fucking look in the other direction.
My arms are already half crossed.
I know.
And then I say, what's wrong?
And you go, nothing.
Nothing's wrong.
Something's wrong.
You got your fucking arms crossed.
I don't understand what her going to an improv class is.
Why is that a bad idea?
Because a lot of those improv theaters, they also do comedy writing workshops
and all that
kind of stuff.
I'll tell you why.
Because anybody who's in comedy and their job is to teach 13-year-olds how to
do improv,
they stink.
They married a rich guy and they're fucking bored.
And now they think, oh, maybe this is my talent.
And they're going to teach him more shit.
I had some good improv teachers.
Not when I was 13.
Not when you were 13.
Fuck that.
This is what you do.
I was when I was 13.
Hang out with your friends and joke around and be funny and find out the movies
that make
your generation laugh.
Just do that.
This should be fun.
It should be fun.
Yeah, that's a good point.
Shouldn't be turning this into like the sports dads, which was the reference
where they teach
them how to throw a fucking curveball at 13.
And the movement that you do when you throw it, you're snapping your wrists
like that.
The tendons in their arms are still growing or whatever.
I don't know what it is medically, but their arm is not strong enough to do it.
And these kids need Tommy John surgery, which is basically you take a ligament
out of your
fucking leg and replace it in the elbow from, they should be skipping rocks
across a fucking
lake.
You know the advice that I gave?
No, you're absolutely right.
The advice I gave is the kind of advice.
Holy shit.
Can you say that again?
What?
That's all right.
I have it recorded.
Go ahead.
Oh, when I said that you're right?
You said absolutely right.
I don't think I've ever heard that.
The advice I just gave is the kind of advice my dad would give where he'd be
like, we'll
get into a class and take this and do this writing thing and dah, dah, dah, dah.
He would make it this whole big stage parent thing.
Regimented thing.
Well, there's a time and place for that.
And it's not when you're 13.
13.
Yeah.
You should be walking home from school if they didn't have you fucking
believing there's
a pedophile behind every fucking tree.
You should be goofing off with your friends and, and just, you should know how
to make people
laugh.
You should just be fucking making people laugh.
You don't want to break it down and be like, oh, I just made my, my 13 year old
friend
laugh.
Let's see.
Let's look at the setup.
And what was the punchline?
You're going to start doing, oh, here comes my, you know what I'm going to do
today at
school?
You know what I'm going to do today?
You're 13.
I'm going to work on my misdirections.
Dad, you wouldn't believe it.
I tagged this whole thing about the lunch lady.
You don't want to do that.
Just fucking have, suck all the fun out of it.
Exactly.
Just, I would say, watch the legends of today.
Like Melissa McCarthy, Kristen Wiig, whatever the fuck you're into.
And, uh, you know, I don't know.
I don't know what to tell you.
That's what I would do.
That's good advice.
Yeah.
I'd have a sticker in a fucking comedy class.
Oh, Jesus.
File that under.
Oh, Jesus.
Comedy.
What is it?
Webster's Dictionary defines comedy as.
What is this thing that we call comedy?