Name: Bill Burr - Advice: Ex Lady Called Me
Uploaded: 2015-07-27T09:15:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: Ex Lady Called Me' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-07-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: Ex Lady Called Me' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-07-27. Transcript available.

all right ex-lady called me up hey billy bitch tits hey easy jesus christ i
hope you're meeting
your weight loss goals i love listening to your podcast at the gym yada yada yada
yada go fuck
yourself if i need some advice about this ex-lady i used to date a few years
back at the end of
college she recently sent me a message wanting to hang out i asked her about
her situation
or situation from a friend the lady is moving in in seven weeks and uh and quit
her job
wait a minute i just started daydreaming halfway through that i was thinking
about drumming
isn't that weird you can actually do that while somebody else keeps reading and
talking all right
i need some advice about this actually i used to date a few years back she
recently sent me a message
wanting to hang out asked what a situation the lady is moving in seven seven
weeks and quit her job
i figured she was looking for a quick fling before she left ah bill i thought i
had struck gold i
really did one and a half months of no strings attached fun and then she would
just be fucking gone
you idiot you probably saw her too much and now she thinks there's a reason to
stay
never have to see her again anyways i agree to hang out with her and that's
when she tells me that she is homeless
she's homeless how the fuck is she calling you she fucked up her lease and is
out seven weeks
before she leaves so now i'm hanging out with her
in one week my question for you parentheses and maybe your wife
could help uh add some female charm to the answer how do i bang her oh my god
but not have to let
her live with me for two months you know what i gotta put down the mic for half
a second and just
applaud you for admitting to the exact selfish piece of shit thing that you
want to do hang on a second
gotta love honesty even if you don't like the what somebody wants to do
i think she i should probably just go for it and worry about that situation
later what do you think
thank you and please go fuck yourself a redheaded dope like yourself
all right my freckles and arms here um
all right how do i bang her but not have to live with her
oh simple you just put her up in a motel and you say you're gonna pay for it
that's what i would do that's fucking filthy man jesus christ put her up in a
fucking hotel it'd be cheap she's not fucking homeless she'll feel obligated to
bang you
you're already banging before it won't feel so filthy that's what you could do
i might need a shower after this fucking answer but that i would just say that
that's the way to go
uh by no means let her ever stay over at your house do not ever fuck her over
at your house
fuck her at the motel that you put her up in that's what you need to do okay
she cannot come over your
fucking house if she asks you why just say just be honest just be honest just
say because i'm not
you know what dude um
this is really fucked up she's calling you in the time of need she's calling
you because she's homeless
lady's moving in seven weeks and quit her job oh dude she might be on drugs
she fucked up her lease she's moving i don't know dude i don't know man you
might be
fucking somebody who's uh using needles here man you know what i say dude i got
one for you why don't
you fucking rub one out and then think about it oh he says ps when is your next
special coming out i
think i speak for everyone when i say i can't wait to see him that's very nice
of you um well
i put them out every two years so i came out the last one came out in december
every little more than
two years so this is my year off where i just get to fuck around and have a
great time which i'm doing
and um i'm already you know i have some ideas about where i want to shoot my
next one what i want it to look like
and i'm just waiting for the material to come but uh i'm really i'm really
happy i'll tell you i'm
real i'll tell you i'm really happy with where my act was this past weekend
when i was up in montreal