Name: Bill Burr & Nia - Dicks In The Locker Room
Uploaded: 2015-08-04T06:43:21.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Nia - Dicks In The Locker Room' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-08-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Nia - Dicks In The Locker Room' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-08-04. Transcript available.

All right. Female coach. Hey, Billy Butkus. Thoughts on the Cardinals hiring a
female coach? I hear she can take a hit. Think she's got what it takes or is it
a publicity stunt?
What does that mean? Take a hit. I think it's football. I had no idea that they
did it.
You didn't read about this. I know I tapped out on the news during Hillary
Clinton, Bruce Jenner and somewhere around there.
I've been too busy to watch anything on the news. I heard that there was a
woman that was hired to be an NFL coach, but I don't follow football.
So that seems like a very big deal. Why? Because they've never had a female
coach before.
Yes, but how is that going to affect wins and losses? It probably won't matter
what gender you are.
It's like a quota thing. Yeah. Yeah. But it's still like it's never been done
before. So it's historical, right?
Yes, it is. It is historical. We have yet to learn any lessons, if any, just
yet, but it's a big deal that it's happening.
It's a publicity stunt. It's not a publicity stunt. I'm not saying she's not
qualified, but this is what the NFL is.
It's a corporation and every quarter they have to have a, a show, a game.
That's just how a corporation works and they're trying to make more money. So
they have reached every possible fucking football fan.
All right. They did that years ago. So then they started bringing in people
like Britney Spears to sing during the Super Bowl, just trying to get people
hooked on it.
And then they wear pink for a whole fucking month. Now they're getting in with
trying to get in with the ladies.
They're trying to get more. It's just, it's, I think it's a business move that's
going to be disguised as a forward thinking.
I'm not saying she's bad and not qualified or anything, but I just think that
that's why they're going to do that.
I don't give a shit. I don't have to, I don't give a fuck if she, if she's good
and they win that I think it's a good move.
If she stinks, unfortunately, all the other women behind her will be judged. So
I imagine she has a lot of pressure.
It's just weird when you go into the locker room, you know what I mean?
Everybody's standing there with their dicks out and shit. You know what I mean?
Now they got to cover up.
It's weird.
You'd rather they just be able to stand around with their dicks out and not
have to worry about covering up.
Well, I mean, I don't think like the, does the male coach walk into the female's
locker room?
Is this sitting there taking off their sports bras?
Probably not.
They go, look, we got to get out there in the second half and shave your clamp.
Slow your down.
Probably not.
Definitely not.
They probably meet to them afterward.
Definitely not.
Not in the line. So she probably does the same thing.
Definitely not.
She's not in there like talking to them. Like there's no way.
No, but you got, but then that, then that hurts her as a coach.
That she can't go in there when they're standing there with their dicks out?
How did that hurt her as a coach?
Because they go in there and they discuss strategy during halftime.
You go into the locker room to talk about that.
Are they naked during halftime?
No, but after the game, you talk about the next week and that type of shit.
But if somebody got hurt, it's a locker room.
Somebody's got their dick out.
It just happened.
Somebody's got to take a shit at halftime.
It fucking happens.
I guess that's what I was wondering.
Do you have to be naked just because you're in the locker room?
Yeah.
And this is what's going to happen.
This is what's going to, all the adjustment.
They're just going to keep adjusting it.
Okay.
Yeah.
And then a guy can't have his dick out in a fucking men's locker room.
Oh, the injustice of it all.
You see what I'm saying, though?
You guys just keep encroaching, encroaching, encroaching, encroaching.
And then we always have to adjust to you.
You guys do not adjust to us.
Well, if you're walking into a men's locker room, there's going to be a dick
out.
You're going to have to either fucking deal with it.
Okay.
Or you have somebody go in there and take some notes.
I'm sure she's prepared to deal with any dicks that are out.
I'm sure.
I'm sure it'll be fine.
Oh, God.
I don't think she needs to worry about the next thing out.
You guys are obsessed with us.
Yeah, okay.
You're obsessed with keeping your dick out in the locker room.
So what does that say about you?
No, I'm saying you guys are obsessed with us.
Yeah, we're totally obsessed with you guys.
Why can't you guys just start your own shit and fucking go do that?
We'll start a start car company.
Why do you guys always have to come?
It's a men's football league.
If there was a women's football league, I wouldn't give a fuck.
I got to get in there.
Stand next to some clams and discuss strategy.
I'd let you have your fucking deal.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
In the most loving way ever, fuck off.
Can you fuck off for three hours on a Sunday?
Can we just have a minute?
Jesus Christ.
The shit that's said in a locker room, now they're going to get offended.
I love it.
I love that the NFL is doing this.
I guarantee there's going to be something fucked up happens.
There's going to be a lawsuit.
Didn't that happen years ago?
It happened in Boston, right?
The fucking, the woman went in there and these guys acted like fucking immature
idiots.
And then there was a lawsuit.
Then she had to go to New York.
It was a funny guy to sell the team.
It was nuts.
I don't know what, I don't know what, I told you.
I'm talking about dicks being out in locker rooms.
Yeah.
Nothing good.
Very passionate about it.
Can happen about that.
Yeah.
Jesus Christ.
Nia, I'm uncomfortable in a fucking locker room.
I go to the goddamn gym.
You fucking go in there.
Okay?
You're staring at your eyelids.
But eventually you're going to walk by somebody taller than you.
It's going to be hanging down.
You're in a men's locker room.
You're going to see a dick.
It just happens.
But I was going to say, men don't like talk to each other like naked in the
locker rooms.
Oh, the other day I went to the standing there.
There's always, there's always the naked guy.
There's always the naked.
Well, there's also a generational thing as far as being comfortable being naked
around another man in a locker room.
Oh, like the old guys don't care.
They don't give a fuck.
Yeah.
They do.
They grew up in the Little Rascals era.
They, like the parents' bedroom and then all the kids slept in the same fucking
bed with a dog and like a fucking wolverine, right?
Then you had my generation.
I was one of the last generations that in gym class, the guy's gym class, you
went in and when you showered, it was just this communal fucking shower and you
went in there like a bunch of cattle.
Fuck you.
No stalls or anything.
Everyone just went in there.
There's a bunch of like shower heads all around.
Yeah.
But no stalls.
No privacy.
That started in sixth grade.
I remember.
I've never been in the first week.
In a locker like that.
Yeah.
In a locker room like that.
The first week of gym class, only like six kids had the fucking balls, no pun
intended, to take the shower and they went in the shower and it was wide open.
Like all the lockers were all the way around it, the school I went to.
So you could like they walked in that dude and me and like there was like six
other guys.
We were laughing hysterically.
These are kids I knew all the way through grade school and they came walking by
butt ass naked.
That's the thing about a naked guy.
It's either the funniest thing ever or absolutely terrifying, depending on the
situation.
And it was fucking hilarious.
But after like two, three weeks, it was normal and no one gave a shit.
And we were part of the last like generation.
We thought it was like when we heard like the women's gym, they had their own
little private showers, which was weird to me.
You'd think the guys would be fucking more weirded out.
We were actually more advanced than you guys, more mature.
We could all shower together and be mature.
I don't know if that's what that really means.
What does it mean?
That you guys are all animals.
You know, you're all animals.
They'll just throw you in there and hose you down.
I know.
That's really what it was.
Get in there, you fucking animals.
Yeah.
So anyway, so there's different levels of like generational, you know what I
mean?
That guys will just like old guys don't give a fuck.
They don't give a fuck.
And then there's the weird guy who also doesn't give a fuck.
You don't know what he's doing.
That guy you come walking in, right?
The gym I go to, like you can see like you come walking in.
The lockers are to the right and then straight ahead is like the sink area with
the mirror and shit.
And like, you know, I walked in there one time and there was a guy standing
there completely naked except flip-flop shaving.
And I just, I walked in and I just, and I just went, really?
You can't fucking just throw a towel on?
Anyways, I'm just saying.
Dicks be out in the locker room.
All right.