Name: Bill Burr - Advice: Bullied At Work
Uploaded: 2015-08-24T18:37:05.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: Bullied At Work' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-08-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: Bullied At Work' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-08-24. Transcript available.

Bullied at work. Hi, Billy Buff Boy. I work in an office with several young
females,
several young ladies. Sounds good, right? Wrong. I'm the only young male here.
So what's wrong? They like to gang. He said gain, G-A-I-N. Gain up on me. It's
gang, G-A-N-G.
Gang up on me and constantly put me down or make fun of me. It started out all
fun and gains,
but some of them have recently become very aggressive and are almost verbally
attacking me.
I don't understand. What is the problem here? When I brought it up to them,
it just made it worse and made me more of a target. Yeah, dude. You never got
bullied before?
The last thing you say to a bully is, hey, what you're doing is really
bothering me, just so you know.
What can I do to make this situation better without getting management involved?
I don't want to get them fired or anything. I just want... I just don't want to
be the female punching bag anymore. Thanks.
I don't understand what is going on here. What are they saying to you?
If they're giving you shit, you got to give them shit back.
You know what I mean? Come on, man. Defeating a fucking woman in a verbal thing,
you know where you have to go,
but you can't go there because then they're going to rat you out to the boss.
This is what you do. Just walk in, right?
Just walk in with your eyes squinting one day.
You know, looking like an idiot. Just walk in, just blinking a lot, just squinting.
And walk right up to the one with the smallest chest.
Don't do that. I was just going to say, just do that.
And she goes, what are you doing? Just go, I'm trying to see your titties.
That's so childish and stupid, but unbelievably effective.
And I think, I mean, I'm not going to speak for women here,
but what I really think it is, is women realize the unbelievable power
that they have over guys with their looks.
So if you ever indicate that there is a flaw in their looks
or that they're starting to slip, it really fucks with them.
It's too mean.
Dude, I don't have fucking sympathy for you.
What are they, they're just verbally abusing you?
Give them shit back.
Give them, what are they saying?
Write back to me.
Write back to me.
What the fuck?
Are you one of those kids?
Did you always wear a helmet when you rode a bicycle?
Did you have play dates?
Are you part of that fucking generation, dude?
Come on, man.
Snap out of it.
Yeah, I would just be like, hey, when are you cunts going to stop being such cunts?
Something.
You got to shoot something across the bow.
You got to give them shit, dude.
You got to give them shit.
Just point at whatever they're wearing.
Be like, oh my God, where did you get that?
And then just keep walking.
That's all you have to do.
That fucks up a woman's day.
What do you mean by that, dude?
You just give it back to them.
Just give it back to them, dude.
I don't, you fucking grow a dick and give it back to them, man.
Come on.
This is like this whole fucking thing.
I'm guessing you're a younger person.
Oh, you said a young male.
Yeah, you've been completely beaten down to the point where you're now, you
know,
we went from men beating women with fucking mop handles a hundred fucking years
ago
to now this, to the point of a complete overcorrection that you're going to sit
here
and allow yourself to get verbally abused because they're women.
I do like the fact that you don't want to be a rat and rat them out.
This is what you got to do, okay?
Treat them with the same level of respect they're treating you.
I would avoid name-calling, and I would definitely not curse.
But other than that, I would be just as fucking mean as they are.
I just, dude, they're so easy to fuck with.
The next time one of them says something to you, just offer her some gum
and just keep doing it and just being like, listen, I'm not trying to be a jerk.
I don't know what you've been eating lately, but I've noticed it over the last
few days.
And just invent in their head that they have this fucking halitosis.
That's it.
And then you divide and conquer.
It's a joke, dude.
It's not that fucking hard.
You know what I mean?
Just tell them which one you think is the most attractive and why.
And let the other two losers fucking deal with that.
And the other one will actually feel good that you said it about her.
So now she's not fucking with you.
And then the other two are pissed at the other girl.
And then you got some infighting.
And don't bring it down to looks.
Just say, you know, just you got to.
She has a certain level of class that the other two of you lack.
I'm not trying to be a jerk.
And you just fucking leave it nice and vague like that.
That's all you do.
And all I'm doing is taking a page out of their book because women are masters
at that vague mindfuck and then walking away.
It's a work of art.
I don't even think they have to work at it.
They're just born with it.
It's tremendous.
It probably goes back in the day from when they were dragged around from cave
to cave by their fucking hair.
They had to say something that mindfucked the hairy douchebag that was about
ready to take advantage of him so they could walk away before he fucking
dragged him into the cave.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
I'm just fucking talking all kinds of shit here.
All right.