Name: Bill Burr & Nia - Advice On Shaving Your Head
Uploaded: 2015-08-24T18:41:43.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Nia - Advice On Shaving Your Head' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-08-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Nia - Advice On Shaving Your Head' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-08-24. Transcript available.

All right, Bill.
Okay, thank you for doing the podcast.
Easy for people to take that.
You could be a little more reliable uploading Thursdays, though.
What a cunt.
All right, here we go.
I actually fucked up that guy's joke.
He was trying to act like he was going to be cool here.
Thank you for doing the podcast.
Easy for people to take for granted slash bust your balls on Twitter.
But know that they are appreciated.
The podcasts are appreciated.
You could be a little more reliable uploading Thursdays, though.
Still being a cunt.
All right.
I've been steadily losing my hair for the last couple of years.
It's getting to the point where I'm thinking each haircut might be the last
before I start
buzzing at all.
Kind of crossing my fingers that there's still a comprehensive head of hair
when the barber
spins the chair around.
I've come as close as I can to making peace with a life of baldness.
Not thrilled about being here at 30.
And women slash guys with hair don't really get what a bummer it can be.
But what are you going to do?
My question, how do I talk about this with my wife?
We have discussed it.
We haven't discussed it whatsoever as she is able to sense my discomfort with
the topic
and has never tried to force the dialogue.
My wife and I have an honest relationship and have openly discussed topics much
more awkward
with actual real world ramifications.
All right.
So you've talked about having a threesome.
Ah, shit.
All right.
It's also not like she can't see the hairlines going, but I've built up a whole
awkward wall
around the topic and I'm not sure how to slice through it.
Did you have any conversations with Nia prior to hacking off what was left of
your hair?
Any words of wisdom from the post-buzz world?
Hoping to catch you at a future Steve Allen theater slash comedy store gig.
Best of luck at Madison Square Garden.
Thank you very much.
Yeah, it was actually Nia's idea because I kind of wanted to do it.
And she was like, you should do it.
You should do it.
I was like, oh, man, you know, because the big thing is what kind of head do I
have?
Because you don't want to have that flat fucking thing in the back.
You know what I mean?
Well, the back of your head goes straight into your fucking neck.
So I started saying that I was going to do it.
And she just kept fucking singing this song.
Nia, I got to bring her in here.
She kept saying, she goes, shave your head.
Shave, shave your head.
Come on now.
Every time I would walk by.
And then she just yelled, shave it.
Just do it.
Fucking shave it.
Hold on a second.
See if I can get her in here.
Hey, Nia.
Come here.
I need you on the podcast.
I got to bring this one back.
This guy, right?
He's losing his hair.
He's like 30 years old.
All right.
He's almost to the point where he's going to shave his head.
And he was saying, Kyle, because I did it.
You know what I mean?
He doesn't, but he doesn't talk about it with his wife.
And she knows that he's sensitive.
So he's built like this awkward wall.
But it's just totally obvious.
And they were saying, did you ever have a conversation with Nia about shaving
my head?
And as far as I remember, it was your idea, right?
It was.
Yeah.
Do you remember that song you used to sing?
No.
Shave your head.
Shave, shave your head.
Yeah.
Remember that?
And I would laugh.
I forgot about that.
Yeah.
And then I finally went ahead and did it.
I will tell you this.
When was the first time, how long ago?
Come here.
Come over here.
When was it that you did it for the first time?
How long ago?
Get on the mic here.
About nine years ago was the first time I did.
And then when I did Date Night, they asked me to grow it back.
And I was like, I was like going, well, there's not much to grow back.
And they were like, yeah, we'll fill it in.
We'll fill it in or whatever.
So I was like, all right.
And then I grew it back.
And then I kept it for a while because I started thinking like, this is why I'm
getting acting
roles, which is the dumbest thing you can do.
It's not because of my skills.
It's because of my hair.
Yeah.
It's I'm balding, which was stupid.
And I would say it's the greatest fucking thing.
If you're bought, it's the greatest fucking thing you'll ever do.
And I'm actually reading Andre Agassi's book where he was talking about.
I didn't know he wore a fucking hairpiece.
And one time he was in the shower before the French Open final.
And he was in the shower and his whole hairpiece came apart.
So they had to fucking glue the thing back together.
So he went out on the court and played this guy he could have beaten the whole
time.
He was worried that his fucking hairpiece was going to come flying off like a
Three Stooges
episode.
You know how fucking embarrassing that would have been?
That would have been terrible.
Yeah.
He talks about how, I guess, Brooke Shields finally convinced him to do it.
And he did it.
And then he felt great.
Yeah, I will tell you, it's the greatest.
It's the greatest thing ever.
The greatest fucking thing.
All these fucking guys going out and like fucking slicing up the back of their
heads and having
this shit vacuumed out and then paratrooped on top of their head.
Like most of that shit, it works for a minute.
But then the thing is, is like those, they go, the hairs in the back of your
head don't, um,
those things never fall out.
So if you put them on the top of your head, then you're okay.
But the thing is, is you still have all that other hair up there that's going
to fall out.
So that shit falls out.
And then you need more fucking replacements.
And then sometimes you can actually, it can like not work as far as I know.
So I'm a big fucking, uh, I don't know.
I'm a big, just, I think it's a fucking way better move.
I actually, it's the man move.
You're fucking dealing with the hand you've been dealt.
You just do it.
This is what I look like.
People go, what the fuck for a few days.
And then they think you look weird when they see pictures of you with hair.
They think you look weird.
And then you're free.
You're fucking free.
So rather than going there to the barber every time and putting your head down
as he cuts it
and then open your eyes going, what does it look like now?
Just fucking get it over with.
Get it over with, dude.
Shave your fucking head.
What do you say, NeNe?
Shave it.
Yeah, shave it.
It's fucking awesome.
And you love it.
You know what's great?
No matter how late you wake up for work, you can just throw on clothes and get
there
and no one will know you didn't take a shower because you don't have bed head
anymore.
Bye, NeNe.
Bye.
All right.
Shave your head, buddy.
You're going to feel fucking great.
You will feel great.
And this is the thing, dude.
Someday, who knows?
And I'm going to lie to you.
Someday, if they just came up with a fucking pill and you popped it in there
and it gave
you the shits for three days, but all of a sudden you fucking had this fucking
great head
of hair.
You know, even that I wouldn't do.
I'd wait 10 years to see how people fucking, you know, if their livers fell out.
Actually, no, I've got to be honest with you.
I'm a lifer with the shaved head.
I am.
I don't give a fuck.
What are you going to do?
You know, this is what I look like.
Deal with it.
Another great thing is if you fucking shave your head, people sometimes think,
you know,
a little bit of mixed martial arts, but then they look at your perfect ears and
they're
like, no, he doesn't.
No, he doesn't.
But that might be just enough time to give you to run away.
That's a true story.
Okay.