Name: Bill Burr - Apple Cunts
Uploaded: 2015-08-28T13:36:43.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Apple Cunts' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-08-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Apple Cunts' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-08-28. Transcript available.

What do I want to talk about? Oh, by the way, I actually reached out to the
nerds on Twitter,
seeing if there was any way. I saw all of a sudden I have this iWatch app.
Like I had a really bad week with my iPhone. All of a sudden it was just wigging
out on me.
And I ended up, you know, I couldn't get messages. I had to keep shutting them
down.
I couldn't read my messages. I couldn't close apps.
All this stuff, the whole thing was going haywire.
And I was thinking, like, did I fucking spill water on this thing? What's going
on?
And then somebody over at F's for Family is like, well, have you downloaded the
new operating system?
I'm like, I never do that. It just fills up your phone.
That's how I was able to keep the iPhone 4S for fucking ever, right?
I was able to keep it forever because I never downloaded any of the new shit.
The phone was more than good enough when it was just the three.
I have no fun. I would still use a rotary phone with a phone cord.
I don't give a fuck. These goddamn iPhone, they're like a second Star Trek.
I don't need the new one.
So inadvertently by not needing it and not wanting it,
I was able to keep these phones for fucking years until they finally just died.
But now these fucking Apple cunts, I guess they figured it out.
Probably because idiots like me running their yap about it on podcasts.
Their new operating system, now you like have to download it as far as...
And maybe I'm wrong.
I'm reaching out to the nerds here.
All right?
Is that what's going on here now?
Like they make...
They're forcing you to download their new thing so you fill it up so when the
iPhone fucking 6S or fucking 7 comes out,
I have to go get it?
Because if that's the case, I'm out.
Because now I downloaded it.
Now I have the iWatch app.
I don't have an iWatch.
And you know what?
Nobody has a fucking iWatch.
Have you seen anybody?
That thing fucking bombed.
And I love it.
I love it.
But, you know, probably for the environment, it's probably not a good fucking
thing.
Because they'll just dump them in the ocean.
You know what I mean?
Or they'll feed them to cows and then you're fucking...
They'll sell them to farmers and they'll feed them to cows and then they'll be
in your burgers or some shit.
Who the fuck knows?
Because I've always been that guy like, dude, we got enough technology.
We're fine.
We're good.
It's too good.
It's too much.
It's too much shit.
We were good right around 95.
94, 95 was fine.
You know what I mean?
Fine.
Everything's fine.
Enough with the new shit.
Because then you've got to throw out the old shit and it ends up in the ocean.
Enough.
Or just upgrade my fucking phone.
Why do I got to go to a new one?
And then trade that fucking...
I hate it.
And I also don't like how they're gradually forcing me where I don't have a
choice on what the fuck is on my phone.
Because eventually they're going to force you to use iCloud, which is so
fucking intrusive that these cunts want to see my pictures and my fucking music.
And all you fucking dopes out there who are just like, well, do you really
think they're taking the time to look at your fucking picture?
I can't even speak here.
All of that shit that I said about going into CVS and they're fucking doing
those little savey-save scan card.
By the way, I was 100% right about that.
They were taking information from you.
Now they're trying to scan your fucking driver's license.
Just say no to those people.
I went to the doctor's office.
They go, stand over here.
I'm like, what are you doing?
They go, well, we're going to take a picture of you.
I go, for what?
They go, just your files so we can put a face to this.
It's like, get the fuck away from me, you creep.
And I was like, no, I don't want you to do that.
They're like, you don't want us to do that?
I'm like, yes, I don't want you to do that.
And then they go, oh, okay.
They try to make it seem like you have to do it.
You know what I mean?
I got a fucking varicose vein.
You don't got to see my fucking face, you douche.
You got my fucking driver's license and you got my credit card.
What's wrong with you guys?
Everybody's trying to do that because it's a new way to make money.
What they do is they get in from personal information about you beyond what you're
there for and beyond really in reality what they need.
And then they stockpile it and then they sell it to other people and they make
money off of your information.
And I believe that you should have to ask for that person's consent.
And then once they give consent, that person should get a cut, a percentage of
the selling of their own personal information.
Shouldn't they?
Am I nuts?
Like if there's money to be made knowing about what kind of fucking Froot Loops
or Special K I'm eating, why shouldn't I get a cut?
It's my information.
I mean, look, if you want to sit up there with a pad and pencil and see me come
walking in, hey, that freckled guy just got some fucking shredded wheat.
I don't know what I'm saying.
Whatever.
I'm out of my fucking mind.
Don't listen to me.
Okay.