Name: Bill Burr - Brady Decision / Jim Irsay
Uploaded: 2015-09-04T13:09:57.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Brady Decision / Jim Irsay' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-09-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Brady Decision / Jim Irsay' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-09-04. Transcript available.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Thursday afternoon,
Monday morning podcast just before Friday, and I am just checking in on you!
Just checking in on you! How are you guys doing? Are you having a good day? Oh
boy, I'm having a great day!
Woo! Vindication, baby! Ah, fuck! Finally! Finally! Shutting all you sports bar
cunts right the fuck up in the back of your dumb fucking heads!
You knew this was the—you knew! You knew he was innocent, you cunts! Not even
innocent! I'm just saying, the whole fucking thing was so—it was so fucking
stupid!
But you know what pisses me off? Obviously, I'm talking about the Tom Brady
decision here, which doesn't even say that he's innocent of all the fucking deflate-gate
shit, which pisses me off.
It just says that the commissioner didn't execute Article 46 on a proper radar
that the court deemed by inexplicable.
Whatever. I guess Article 46 has to do with what the steps the commissioner is
supposed to take when he fucking goes to suspend a player, evidently.
I guess. I don't fucking know. So basically, they didn't have a fucking case,
and he tried to fucking rubber stamp his way through it.
I still—I can't believe it, man. I thought the court was going to go inside
with the fucking—ah, I'm a traitor!
I really did. But fortunately, they didn't, and I don't know. I mean, as happy
as I am that it's over, it was a huge distraction to the team.
It was a big fucking waste of time. And I actually saw on Twitter another
Boston guy, Donnie Wahlberg, goes,
OK, now what about all those draft picks we lost? Which is a great fucking
point that I didn't see anybody else bring up.
Everybody's sitting there skipping down the street because Brady's going to be
playing, but we still got fucked out of all those draft picks.
Dude, how successful are the Patriots that they are getting fucked with to this
goddamn level?
How much of a bunch of fucking babies is everybody in the—not everybody, but
the higher-ups in the Colts organization?
Grow a fucking dick. You lost a game.
To fucking drag it through this whole thing, they literally turned it into
fucking an episode of Falcon Crest or Dynasty.
I'll go with Dynasty. I never watched either one of those shows, but it always
seemed like somebody was getting thrown in a pool, right?
They're dressing makeup on. Whatever. I got to be honest with you, I don't even
have any fucking—I don't even give a shit.
To be honest with you, I don't even give a fuck.
Once I saw that he got four games and then the fifth game, when he was coming
back, they were going to be playing against the Colts.
It was just like—is this like a fucking soap opera?
I don't know. I got that same queasy feeling when I used to watch the NF—when
I was watching the NBA in the 2000s.
And I would sit there telling my friends, going, this game is fucking fixed.
And then that got to the point of saying, the NBA is fixed.
And, of course, it was, oh, you got your tin hat on. You're fucking—you're a
conspiracy theorist.
And what do they do? They find a fucking mobbed-up ref who's throwing fucking
games.
And then I go, well, there you go. I'm vindicated, right?
And everybody's like, well, it was just one guy.
Oh, yeah. It was just one guy.
It's always just one guy.
That fucking guy, Oswald, right?
It's always just one fucking guy.
Oliver North.
It's just one—Oli North. He put the whole fucking thing together.
It's always—it's always just one guy.
Let me tell you something.
If you're ever involved in something and you don't feel like you're getting all
the information from your other fucking criminals,
just know that you're going to be the guy.
If shit goes down, you're the guy going to be left holding the fucking bag.
They always have that.
Any smart criminal fucking organization always has the guy who's going to be
left holding the bag just in case.
Just in case the shit hits the fan.
Who's our bad guy?
Ollie North.
Fuck, I almost said Oliver Stone.
Fucking—what's his face there?
Old shot in the gut.
Lee Harvey Oswald.
Whatever.
I can't remember what my fucking point was.
Why would you listen to this shit?
I don't give a fuck.
I've got to be honest with you.
I thought that—I gave—I stopped giving a shit, I think, like, three months
ago.
When they—when I found out he was appealing it and then he had to appeal it
to the guy who fucking suspended him,
I'm like, gee, do you think he's going to win this one?
And once they gave a four-game suspension, I was just like, all right, you know,
whatever.
I was actually—I was the guy going, hey, he shouldn't suspend—he shouldn't
appeal it.
Just take the suspension.
Become a fucking martyr.
Rest up your 38-year-old bones and come back in game five.
And I also thought there was no fucking way that he was going to win it because
I read something where they said that they usually side with the decision made
by the arbitrator.
So I'm—whatever.
I'm happy that it happened, but I also don't really give a shit.
Who gives a fuck?
You know what I mean?
It's—the whole league's become a fucking joke.
They got a female ref.
They got a female coach.
Why?
Because they give a fuck about women?
No, because they're doing damage control.
We all know the biggest lady out there is Jim Irsay.
Jesus Christ.
You know, he's fucking—fucking hiding his face right now behind a little
parasol.
He fucking runs into his office twirling the thing, crying.
It isn't fair that we wanted to go to the Super Bowl and the Patriots beat us,
but they cheated.
The balls were lighter.
We'll go win them.
Fuck you.
Fucking baby.
Fucking unbelievable.
The—I have been holding my tongue so bad.
Let's not talk about Jim Irsay.
Let's just talk about—let's just go fucking random here.
All right?
For all you Patriot haters out there, let's just say you're next door.
Your neighbor was a drug addict, okay, who had a dead mistress.
And for some reason, he thought your fence was too much on his side of the
property,
even though you had a fucking goddamn whatever.
Yeah, it's—whatever.
It's like you put a coat of paint on it, and that extra coat of paint,
because you didn't strip it down to the wood.
You put that extra coat of paint on it, and that just started to creep into the
other guy's property.
Let's just say that this—your next-door neighbor, who's a drug addict and has
a dead mistress,
hires a guy who isn't a doctor but says he is one to build a case against you.
And let's just say, for some fucking reason, it's upheld, and you stand to lose
$2 million.
Would any of that make any fucking sense to you?
And furthermore, when you appealed it and then the entire thing got reversed,
wouldn't you just be like, well, yeah.
That's kind of what it took the NFL seven months to do, I feel.
Un-fucking-believable.
Un-fucking-believable.
Now, having said that, I think it's going to be a hell of a year in the AFC
East.
I think I'm loving Rex Ryan coming back with the Bills, and he has a defense.
I think all the people that think that he's learned something from talking shit
are dopes.
Rex Ryan has not learned anything.
Rex Ryan is Rex Ryan.
All right?
And he's always going to be Rex Ryan unless he loses his defense.
Then he slumps his shoulders and tries to act like he's a class act.
He isn't.
I'm not saying he doesn't have class, but he's not a quiet guy.
He's that guy fucking talking with his mouth full with spaghetti sauce on the
front of his shirt.
That's just who he is.
And you know what?
You need that fucking guy.
You don't want to look at him when he's eating.
But other than that, he's a fun guy to have around.
So I'm predicting right now, without even looking at the schedule, without even
knowing a fucking thing,
I'm going to say that we split with the Bills.
And when the Bills win, probably win the first one or whatever, I predict that
Rex Ryan is going to talk.
Not all kinds of shit.
He will make some sort of comment, and you will see that manic look on his face.
And he'll probably say something dumb about winning the Super Bowl or some
stupid shit like that.
And as always, Bill Belichick will be looked at as a dud, as a guy who's
socially inept and all that type of shit.
I love when people buy into the fucking press whining about that.
You know fucking Belichick is a hot shit.
He's just smart enough not to talk to those fucking cunts in the press.
He knows everything that he says they're going to twist around, and it's just
going to be used as, you know, what do they call it?
Fucking bulletin board material.
Bill Belichick said this about you guys.
He doesn't respect you.
That's why every fucking week, I don't give a shit if he was going to play a
bunch of stand-up comedians.
Full pads.
He'd still be like, well, you know, any given Sunday, anybody can win.
And, you know, the second they leave, he fucking breaks out a stogie and a scotch,
right?
Starts telling stories.
You know what's funny?
I had no idea that the decision even got reversed about Tom Brady.
I thought it was going to happen on Friday, so I wasn't even paying attention.
And then I got a bunch of text messages.
Congratulations.
I'm like, about what?
People are like, what, do you live under a fucking rock?
It's like, no, I just haven't put on the TV today.
Sorry.
Whatever.
I think it's going to be a great football season.
I'm happy that Brady's back.
I know that the lawsuit's going to continue and all that type of shit, and Goodell's
going to, you know, appeal it.
There's a lot of fucking big egos going on here.
Who's kidding who?
But I'm glad it's over.
And Colts fans, I want you to know I'm not shitting on you.
Okay?
I'm not shitting on you guys.
And I'm not shitting on your players.
I'm just shitting on Jim Irsay.
Okay?
And I don't think that we're any better than that guy is.
I'm just sick of the fucking accusations only going one way.
You know what I mean?
We've only came at you one time for pumping crowd noise in.
That was it.
We didn't say shit about all the other stuff that I've said 9,000 times on it.
So having said all that, I don't think the AFC East is going to be a cakewalk.
I think the Bills are going to be really fucking good.
I think Rex Ryan is great when he's got a great defense and he has a fucking,
you know, somebody, a quarterback that can just manage the game.
He's shown before, you know, he did that with the Jets.
And they beat us in the playoffs at home.
Kicked our fucking asses.
So I'm going to pull a Belichick here.
You know, I'm not taking anybody lightly in the AFC East.