Name: Bill Burr & Nia - Slash And Duff McKagan Story
Uploaded: 2015-09-18T16:39:50.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Nia - Slash And Duff McKagan Story' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-09-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Nia - Slash And Duff McKagan Story' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-09-18. Transcript available.

so all right this is this is a is if you're we couldn't get more rock and roll
i know and i have
no business because no matter at the end of the day i look like ron howard so
it's over oh my god
so uh on um i don't know it's some part of the week this is actually an f is
for family promo
uh the guy was one of the guys who's doing the music for the f is for family
cartoon
is dave kushner who played in velvet revolver all right yes so those guys have
been doing some
sick-ass job just someone else we saw live in la at the will turn yeah we saw
velvet revolver yes we
did they were great yes we did it was like one of uh scott's last performances
with the band yes so
anyways so uh he was doing um you know he's been doing the music for it so
anyways he puts together
a lot of benefits so he's putting together this benefit thing for uh for some
public school or
something i know what it was but he goes hey you know all these guys are going
to be down here playing
do you want a nice opportunity for you to plug the charity yeah i can't
remember no that's the thing
too i never that's another thing too you play all these charities and i'm like
oh what was the
charity for you like i don't know but you do it because it's for because you
hear it's for charity
and you do it because you're a good person you have a good heart but you damn
if you know
i don't it's because i've done so much bad shit in my life i gotta balance out
my karma so all i do is
right before i go on stage i always look on my go what is this for again and
then they tell me what
it's for and then i just make sure i steer clear i don't go out there and make
a reference to that
and then i just go out and do you know the other 99 of my act you're like a pop
star that doesn't
know what city she's in and she's like what's up chicago and she's in cleveland
i don't know what disease it's for but i know it's a disease and we want to
stop it isn't it enough
that i showed up for free you cunts i can fucking sit the next thing you know
you're gonna tell me
it's not their fault you don't know what charity it's right i never know some
of the funniest things
i've ever seen some of the funniest ones i've ever seen is when comics go on
stage and they don't know
what the benefits for and they're killing killing killing and then they start
doing a bit that has to
do you know oh and then everyone gets all quiet yeah like yeah they somehow
make an autism reference
or cancer or they do something and then the crowd totally pulls back and the
greatest is when they're
so early into their career they don't understand why they're like yeah what the
fuck's your guy's
problem jesus christ what did everybody everybody have an autistic baby here
huh like they don't even
know what's going on oh my god imagine yeah and then the person like like
directing is in the back
like cut off the mic cut off the mic right but what's funny is when you get a
seasoned comic and
they do it you see the look on their face and they'll be like oh fuck and then
they'll literally
ask is this a benefit for cancer and i'm sorry sorry i didn't know i'm fucking
sorry i'm the worst
person ever so anyways mike legnees charity huh mike legnees we're mike legnees
weren't we talking
about how you were getting involved oh legnees works at wild west oh sorry hey
mike you got a
shout out so anyways so question goes hey man all these fucking guys are gonna
be there um blah blah
blah blah blah you know he knows that i play drums and then i'm up you know i'm
a fucking nerd i'm a
nerd i'm a drum nerd right so he goes you want to come down and watch these
guys play and i'm like
yeah fuck yeah you know i'm working the comedy store later let's let's fucking
do it so like two days
before the event he texted me and he goes uh he goes hey dude would you want to
sit in and play a song
and of course i want to but i'm like i'm not gonna be that fucking asshole
where it's just like you got
all these studio level and professional guys i'm not gonna be the fucking guy
right coming there boom
cat boom boom cat i'm not gonna be that fucking guy just embarrassing and them
just fucking tolerating
me it's like i'm not fucking doing that shit yeah um so he writes back goes nah
they don't give a fuck
they don't give a shit come if you want to play go ahead and fucking play he
goes but i'm not gonna be
that guy who pressures you or whatever so i say fine so once again i'm driving
around it's like two
days before the thing and i was like oh bill stop being such a fucking bitch
most of this is the reason
why you're saying no is not being out of respect for the professional musicians
it's because you're
being a fucking pussy right now so i said so i text them right i was i'm not
glad i was scared i would
have been scared too so i said i said i text him i said fuck it let's do it so
he goes he writes back
oh shit right and he goes all right learn whole lot of love see you on saturday
and it's thursday
whole lot of love i've never been able to play that fucking song right fucking
bonham starts all the
fills on like three goes over the bar comes back i mean i can't and i'm trying
so i start i go to the
drum room and i'm fucking woodshedding this shit right and i cannot he's got
this thing
right and it's four and one i can never fucking i can't i can't fucking do it i
can't fucking do it
so finally i got i ripped off two of his fills and i was like all right i'm
playing these two fills
60 fucking times during this song and i'm gonna hope nobody notices so
fortunately like a day before
the event uh kushner text me and he goes hey man we're just gonna do highway to
hell and i was like
thank god that's so much easier it's slower too right for it's more like i don't
think there's really
any fills in it there's a couple places where you stop and then it starts again
or whatever okay and
really quickly and fills is when they're it's like the doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo
like are you talking
about okay yeah got it so uh so anyway so i i fucking you know dust off that
fucking song right
and uh that's a song i used to play with two of my brothers uh back in the day
when uh i was in my
parents basement right and uh we still that's one of the songs that we used to
butcher was highway to
hell so i'm like oh that's kind of cool we're gonna fucking play this song so i
show up to the event
and um he's got all like you know it's like it's some fucking tennis club or
some shit it's like some
real rich people kind of thing and uh the kind of people that need charity no
no they were doing it
for public schools they weren't doing it for themselves american greed they
have charities for
themselves so anyway so i show up and like like the band's playing and
everybody there is a fucking
monster so as i'm meeting the people i'm then like trying to i'm fucking googling
their shit you know
and it was uh the people there was kushner frankie perez who sang in uh he
plays in this apocalyptia
or something like that there's this finland psycho fucking string band amazing
voice sang in slashes
band i think those those finish and swedish and like they're really into like
they don't fuck around
they love that fucking death metal music i think it's called they don't fuck
around they're really
really i they really embrace the idea i think of like death it's a part of life
it happens and just
rock out to it i don't know i'm always fascinated with them that's because they
sit in like 23 hours of
darkness for like six months of the fucking year negative you know 20 degree
weather yeah so then
uh christian life is a cold dark hell yeah like chris channy's there the bass
player from uh jane's
addiction since 2002 he's fucking playing very cool uh and then the drummer i
hope he says his name right
todd uh uh watsig i got it written down here he he like uh does like blue man
group and all these
big time studio guy monster was basically play anything yeah i was playing all
this keith moon
shit wasn't staying and then this other studio guy andrew watt and these guys
are fucking slaying it
is that true though you know we were saying the guy that does um blue man group
those kind of musicians
who do play like a variety of different gigs like they really can't play
everything right and that's
why they get hired all the time because they're versatile and they can just
kind of yeah i think they
think there's like you're the band guy or then you're like the studio guy when
the studio guy is like
you don't know who you're going to be playing with so you have to you don't
just know your band's
catalog like these guys can play all these different styles they're they're all
whether you're in a
band or whatever you get to that fucking level you're a beast so these guys so
i show up and these guys
you know they're fucking around then they start playing and i was like oh my
god oh my god oh my god
and then i start feeling like you know and i was like why did i say yes to this
i'm so stupid i could
have just been here and enjoyed it right so anyway so then we go up uh they go
hey bill you want to
you know they they blow through all these fucking songs the whole lot of love
the fucking
uh won't get fooled again all of this shit fucking destroying it and then i go
up this is just during
the sound check and there's like nobody there at this tennis club right and i
keep thinking of
goodfellas you know when he went he met the fuck he met karen and you know and
he gives him that
little fucking half-ass that jerk-off handshake you know foreshadowing that he
wasn't going to get
along with them um so anyway so i went up and we played this fucking song and
uh and it went good
it sounded good and they're like all right man that sounds all right they go
you want to play it
again i was like no no i'm cool i'm cool like all right shows at nine come back
then so you know i
had heard that slash and duff were maybe gonna be there right but you didn't
know you know whatever
whatever so anyways long story fucking short i uh i come back at nine o'clock
and now all of a sudden
there's a bunch of people there so the nerves are even higher yeah and now
these guys aren't doing
soundcheck now they're not fucking around now they're doing the show and the
show starts and
they're just fucking ripping killing it fucking killing it and the songs are
just whipping by and
with each song that's going by like i see on the set list they're gonna do roadhouse
blues and i
know that i'm next so i'm like oh fuck i'm gonna be next though jesus christ
why did i say yes to this
i'm like phil run phil run two four just two four don't fuck it up just don't
look up at anybody
and just plow through it you'll be done right so um they finished roadhouse
blues and then i come
sort of sneak up onto the bandstand there and uh you know todd leaves and i sit
down behind the kit
and as i sit down everybody else in the band just like walked off the stage
except for dave and
frankie the singer i'm sitting there like dude what the fuck and christian goes
hey we got a special
guest we got a special guest on this one he goes uh it turns like oh it's
already back there he goes
on drum we got bill burr and it was the funniest the funniest clap ever like
everybody was just like
wait what who why is this special i think my face turned red i wanted to crawl
under the stool
it was like i got a better round of applause when i was doing like open mics in
front of eight people
and they would just keep it going for this next guy uh bill bird uh bill burr
and then
dude it was fucking and i'm thinking like what the fuck's going on here and
then he goes yeah i got a
couple other friends are going to help us out on this one and then they just
fucking walked out of
the crowd slash slash and duff and i was yeah i'm getting like nervous tell
this right now and they
came on the fucking stage and duff's already really tall so now he looks like
nine feet fucking tall
yeah and he shakes my hand i'm like hey and then there's fucking slash oh my
god i cannot then and
this is the best part i didn't go to this so kushner and frankie turn around
and they're just
laughing at this stunned look on my face and i have all of three seconds i felt
to take this in
and then slash just goes and i was like oh my god and i used to play this
fucking song with
my brothers in in in the basement and slash is standing where my one brother
stood and duffs
with the other and then cushions over i was and they're just in frankie's
looking back at me laughing
at me and um i didn't remember what i just fucking just put my head down like
what the fuck you know
i really wish you guys could see bill's face right now like his eyes are
shining he has the biggest
smell like there's like a glow rating for me you like this was i can tell this
is one of the top
experiences it ain't no it's it it's over it's over you have like pure joy on
your face no no it's
so awesome to see that it's i'm done that's it i love it no that that is you
can't top that i cannot
top that and i don't give a fuck either that's no that's awesome i'm happy for
you i can i'm so
excited that that that that happened i'm so i can't even believe i missed it
but that's okay
because that was your moment and your your memory so it's all good and there's
video so it does it's
it still will live forever so the sickest fucking part was in the end when the
band cuts out i'm on
the highway and then he's got you know frankie and i'm going down all the way
and then there's the
end where he goes wow and then there's like this the cymbal wash starts and the
strumming of the
guitars so i gotta give the cue so when the band cuts out and i'm going down
all the way
and then duffin slash kushner basically velvet revolver turns around and looks
at me dude i
almost fell off i almost fell off the back of the fucking stool
that's amazing yeah i i will never be able to believe that that fucking
happened
i can't fucking believe it cannot fucking believe it and and it's funny because
the song is like three
minutes long and i i it's weird like i don't remember it i remember every
fucking second of
it so thank you to kushner and frankie because they basically set it up and uh
that was i sent uh
kushner a text i said dude 23 years in this business 47 years on the planet
there's nothing
nothing can fucking that i've never had a feeling like that ever ever i mean i'd
have to go back to
maybe the first time i ever did stand up and i was so fucking psyched that i
did it but it was
different yeah this was it was different than you know no you're playing in a
band with like your
heroes like and like rock gods rock royalty like legit rock gods so yeah it was
sick that's an
amazing thing i can't believe i missed it you know how much i love slash god no
but i fucked you over
because because i said because because kush at one point said hey maybe you
could jam a slash in those
guys and i was just like fuck yeah i'd love to do that but then when i went to
the soundcheck
they weren't there and we i ran the song with the other guys so you were going
i'm feeling kind of
tired and i go right and i said i have to pack and i said yeah i don't think it's
going to happen i
go i think i'm going on early and then they're going to close it out so you
know and i remember i
said to you i'm like are you sure like it's not annoying that you're like no no
no i'm just going
to be in and out of there it's fine it's just for the charity it'll be cool it'll
be really quick
i'll go do my other set i'll come home that's it and uh well so there you go
there you go
so that fucking happened and uh now that's incredible yeah over over it's over
it's done
voice what washed away anything i've ever fucking accomplished ever can we also
talk about how
earlier today you said that you were basically in velvet revolver could you
play in that moment
three fours in that moment in that moment i was i took over for matt so i'm in
my head
in my head and frankie took over lead vocals i stand by that my ego is
completely in check

Bill Burr & Nia - Slash And Duff McKagan Story

so all right this is this is a is if you're we couldn't get more rock and roll
i know and i have
no business because no matter at the end of the day i look like ron howard so
it's over oh my god
so uh on um i don't know it's some part of the week this is actually an f is
for family promo
uh the guy was one of the guys who's doing the music for the f is for family
cartoon
is dave kushner who played in velvet revolver all right yes so those guys have
been doing some
sick-ass job just someone else we saw live in la at the will turn yeah we saw
velvet revolver yes we
did they were great yes we did it was like one of uh scott's last performances
with the band yes so
anyways so uh he was doing um you know he's been doing the music for it so
anyways he puts together
a lot of benefits so he's putting together this benefit thing for uh for some
public school or
something i know what it was but he goes hey you know all these guys are going
to be down here playing
do you want a nice opportunity for you to plug the charity yeah i can't
remember no that's the thing
too i never that's another thing too you play all these charities and i'm like
oh what was the
charity for you like i don't know but you do it because it's for because you
hear it's for charity
and you do it because you're a good person you have a good heart but you damn
if you know
i don't it's because i've done so much bad shit in my life i gotta balance out
my karma so all i do is
right before i go on stage i always look on my go what is this for again and
then they tell me what
it's for and then i just make sure i steer clear i don't go out there and make
a reference to that
and then i just go out and do you know the other 99 of my act you're like a pop
star that doesn't
know what city she's in and she's like what's up chicago and she's in cleveland
i don't know what disease it's for but i know it's a disease and we want to
stop it isn't it enough
that i showed up for free you cunts i can fucking sit the next thing you know
you're gonna tell me
it's not their fault you don't know what charity it's right i never know some
of the funniest things
i've ever seen some of the funniest ones i've ever seen is when comics go on
stage and they don't know
what the benefits for and they're killing killing killing and then they start
doing a bit that has to
do you know oh and then everyone gets all quiet yeah like yeah they somehow
make an autism reference
or cancer or they do something and then the crowd totally pulls back and the
greatest is when they're
so early into their career they don't understand why they're like yeah what the
fuck's your guy's
problem jesus christ what did everybody everybody have an autistic baby here
huh like they don't even
know what's going on oh my god imagine yeah and then the person like like
directing is in the back
like cut off the mic cut off the mic right but what's funny is when you get a
seasoned comic and
they do it you see the look on their face and they'll be like oh fuck and then
they'll literally
ask is this a benefit for cancer and i'm sorry sorry i didn't know i'm fucking
sorry i'm the worst
person ever so anyways mike legnees charity huh mike legnees we're mike legnees
weren't we talking
about how you were getting involved oh legnees works at wild west oh sorry hey
mike you got a
shout out so anyways so question goes hey man all these fucking guys are gonna
be there um blah blah
blah blah blah you know he knows that i play drums and then i'm up you know i'm
a fucking nerd i'm a
nerd i'm a drum nerd right so he goes you want to come down and watch these
guys play and i'm like
yeah fuck yeah you know i'm working the comedy store later let's let's fucking
do it so like two days
before the event he texted me and he goes uh he goes hey dude would you want to
sit in and play a song
and of course i want to but i'm like i'm not gonna be that fucking asshole
where it's just like you got
all these studio level and professional guys i'm not gonna be the fucking guy
right coming there boom
cat boom boom cat i'm not gonna be that fucking guy just embarrassing and them
just fucking tolerating
me it's like i'm not fucking doing that shit yeah um so he writes back goes nah
they don't give a fuck
they don't give a shit come if you want to play go ahead and fucking play he
goes but i'm not gonna be
that guy who pressures you or whatever so i say fine so once again i'm driving
around it's like two
days before the thing and i was like oh bill stop being such a fucking bitch
most of this is the reason
why you're saying no is not being out of respect for the professional musicians
it's because you're
being a fucking pussy right now so i said so i text them right i was i'm not
glad i was scared i would
have been scared too so i said i said i text him i said fuck it let's do it so
he goes he writes back
oh shit right and he goes all right learn whole lot of love see you on saturday
and it's thursday
whole lot of love i've never been able to play that fucking song right fucking
bonham starts all the
fills on like three goes over the bar comes back i mean i can't and i'm trying
so i start i go to the
drum room and i'm fucking woodshedding this shit right and i cannot he's got
this thing
right and it's four and one i can never fucking i can't i can't fucking do it i
can't fucking do it
so finally i got i ripped off two of his fills and i was like all right i'm
playing these two fills
60 fucking times during this song and i'm gonna hope nobody notices so
fortunately like a day before
the event uh kushner text me and he goes hey man we're just gonna do highway to
hell and i was like
thank god that's so much easier it's slower too right for it's more like i don't
think there's really
any fills in it there's a couple places where you stop and then it starts again
or whatever okay and
really quickly and fills is when they're it's like the doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo
like are you talking
about okay yeah got it so uh so anyway so i i fucking you know dust off that
fucking song right
and uh that's a song i used to play with two of my brothers uh back in the day
when uh i was in my
parents basement right and uh we still that's one of the songs that we used to
butcher was highway to
hell so i'm like oh that's kind of cool we're gonna fucking play this song so i
show up to the event
and um he's got all like you know it's like it's some fucking tennis club or
some shit it's like some
real rich people kind of thing and uh the kind of people that need charity no
no they were doing it
for public schools they weren't doing it for themselves american greed they
have charities for
themselves so anyway so i show up and like like the band's playing and
everybody there is a fucking
monster so as i'm meeting the people i'm then like trying to i'm fucking googling
their shit you know
and it was uh the people there was kushner frankie perez who sang in uh he
plays in this apocalyptia
or something like that there's this finland psycho fucking string band amazing
voice sang in slashes
band i think those those finish and swedish and like they're really into like
they don't fuck around
they love that fucking death metal music i think it's called they don't fuck
around they're really
really i they really embrace the idea i think of like death it's a part of life
it happens and just
rock out to it i don't know i'm always fascinated with them that's because they
sit in like 23 hours of
darkness for like six months of the fucking year negative you know 20 degree
weather yeah so then
uh christian life is a cold dark hell yeah like chris channy's there the bass
player from uh jane's
addiction since 2002 he's fucking playing very cool uh and then the drummer i
hope he says his name right
todd uh uh watsig i got it written down here he he like uh does like blue man
group and all these
big time studio guy monster was basically play anything yeah i was playing all
this keith moon
shit wasn't staying and then this other studio guy andrew watt and these guys
are fucking slaying it
is that true though you know we were saying the guy that does um blue man group
those kind of musicians
who do play like a variety of different gigs like they really can't play
everything right and that's
why they get hired all the time because they're versatile and they can just
kind of yeah i think they
think there's like you're the band guy or then you're like the studio guy when
the studio guy is like
you don't know who you're going to be playing with so you have to you don't
just know your band's
catalog like these guys can play all these different styles they're they're all
whether you're in a
band or whatever you get to that fucking level you're a beast so these guys so
i show up and these guys
you know they're fucking around then they start playing and i was like oh my
god oh my god oh my god
and then i start feeling like you know and i was like why did i say yes to this
i'm so stupid i could
have just been here and enjoyed it right so anyway so then we go up uh they go
hey bill you want to
you know they they blow through all these fucking songs the whole lot of love
the fucking
uh won't get fooled again all of this shit fucking destroying it and then i go
up this is just during
the sound check and there's like nobody there at this tennis club right and i
keep thinking of
goodfellas you know when he went he met the fuck he met karen and you know and
he gives him that
little fucking half-ass that jerk-off handshake you know foreshadowing that he
wasn't going to get
along with them um so anyway so i went up and we played this fucking song and
uh and it went good
it sounded good and they're like all right man that sounds all right they go
you want to play it
again i was like no no i'm cool i'm cool like all right shows at nine come back
then so you know i
had heard that slash and duff were maybe gonna be there right but you didn't
know you know whatever
whatever so anyways long story fucking short i uh i come back at nine o'clock
and now all of a sudden
there's a bunch of people there so the nerves are even higher yeah and now
these guys aren't doing
soundcheck now they're not fucking around now they're doing the show and the
show starts and
they're just fucking ripping killing it fucking killing it and the songs are
just whipping by and
with each song that's going by like i see on the set list they're gonna do roadhouse
blues and i
know that i'm next so i'm like oh fuck i'm gonna be next though jesus christ
why did i say yes to this
i'm like phil run phil run two four just two four don't fuck it up just don't
look up at anybody
and just plow through it you'll be done right so um they finished roadhouse
blues and then i come
sort of sneak up onto the bandstand there and uh you know todd leaves and i sit
down behind the kit
and as i sit down everybody else in the band just like walked off the stage
except for dave and
frankie the singer i'm sitting there like dude what the fuck and christian goes
hey we got a special
guest we got a special guest on this one he goes uh it turns like oh it's
already back there he goes
on drum we got bill burr and it was the funniest the funniest clap ever like
everybody was just like
wait what who why is this special i think my face turned red i wanted to crawl
under the stool
it was like i got a better round of applause when i was doing like open mics in
front of eight people
and they would just keep it going for this next guy uh bill bird uh bill burr
and then
dude it was fucking and i'm thinking like what the fuck's going on here and
then he goes yeah i got a
couple other friends are going to help us out on this one and then they just
fucking walked out of
the crowd slash slash and duff and i was yeah i'm getting like nervous tell
this right now and they
came on the fucking stage and duff's already really tall so now he looks like
nine feet fucking tall
yeah and he shakes my hand i'm like hey and then there's fucking slash oh my
god i cann