Name: Bill Burr & Paul Virzi - Cunty Cats
Uploaded: 2015-09-25T15:26:27.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Paul Virzi - Cunty Cats' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-09-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Paul Virzi - Cunty Cats' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-09-25. Transcript available.

paul verzi has a new album coming out called yes please buy it man i'm really
proud of it
i'm proud of it it's uh we uh did it it was uh april 9th on thursday we sold
out two shows
uh people came out it was great and i'm really proud of it and uh buy it man it'll
be available
tomorrow it's my first one it's my debut one and um yeah man i hope uh i thank
everybody a lot of
people pre pre-ordered it and it dropped soon so i was kind of nervous when
your first time
you're putting something out i'm kind of nervous you know you'll be fine you'll
be fine it's great
now you know what you got paul you got an asset you invested just invested in
yourself you know
what i mean thanks bill makes a lot of the division about that fucking chick
that jerked a guy off
in a real quick i don't there was a chick and she was at a fucking football
game and she looked out
for a guy what happened was her boyfriend went to go get beers and this guy was
sitting there
and he kind of put his hand on her leg and she said i was really creeped out
but i kind of liked
it so she didn't look at him and apparently she jerked him off until he
finished right when the
guy came out she was never kind of creeped out she's covering her fucking ass
because she said a
letter what kind of game does that other guy have she said a letter out and she
goes hey if you know
who i am i was the girl sitting next to you and this and that and i kind of
liked it and i went on
and reaching out and like fucking tried to reach out to him and like right when
the guy
fucking busted in his pants she fucking the guy boyfriend came back with beers
could you fucking
imagine wait a minute yeah dude did he at least have a winter coat what are the
people doing sitting
right behind they don't notice dude a bunch of fucking animals at a game she
probably just had
the fucking hand there doing it you know what i mean it's fucking crazy and she
fucking like reached
out to the guy you fucking imagine that but we're but we're lucky we're lucky
no here's the last thing i'll say i know we got to go the one thing that and
this is not against
you know i mean i love my wife dude you know i love birthday is hilarious i
swear to god any story
about women or anything it within two seconds you're just gonna be like you
know what i'm saying right
now dude that's a great story i love my wife okay i love my dude great women
say what you want to say
okay but the fucking thing that irks the shit out of me is where the lucky he's
so oh my god what
would he do without her he's so lucky what would he do without her how have i
driven that's what i
said how have i driven not gotten into accidents how have i not gotten pulled
over how lucky you know
what in the back of their heads what they're trying to do paul when are they
lucky he's a fucking
great guy they can't do that why yeah they can you know that's all i'm asking
no because we have so
many options paul you understand that do you understand that when like you know
we get later
on in life you get divorced at 50 paul okay with what you're doing and
everything you got a shot
it's still fucking tagging a 30 or 32 year old saying once they hit a certain
age at 30 32 are you
gonna bang a 50 year old woman no and you just went through a rolodex of famous
women you just
sitting there going oh did i fucking do this yeah that's just how we're wired i
think you know what
i think it is i don't even know what i just said there but it sounded really
dumb i think i just
think women i just think women i just think women think men are lucky i just
think they put themselves
higher dude sometimes i think it's really fucking selfish i think you know what
would be great when's
the last time anybody's wife listening to this podcast right now when's the
last time anybody's
wife grabbed your fucking hand looked in the eyes and said you know something i'm
so fucking lucky
to have somebody like you you know what i'm so lucky doesn't fucking happen no
that usually happens if
once you give them the cold shoulder because you're on to whatever game that
they're fucking playing
that's true then they come back they're like cats same fucking thing the cats
being all cunty around
the house you just be cunty that that thing right back and all of a sudden they're
fucking weaving in
and out of your legs it's the exact same fucking thing if you're nice to a man
come here they just
fucking look at you like a piece of shit i love i love i love when when people
go what would he do
without her you know what he'd be doing without you i don't know exactly what
he'd be living in
some studio no he'd be living in some studio like a bachelor with a fucking oh
he'd be awful you know
what he would do you saved him it's like what what would you be doing what
would i be doing i think
i think i would be i'm smart enough at this age to know not to buy a leather
couch because i hate
in the summertime the sound of the back of your legs getting off of it you've
got to always make
sure the ac is at a certain level so i would still go with like this type of
material for a
fucking i would have that i would have all the fucking sports packages right i'd
build a drum
room i already know what i do give me a fucking what would i do to listen my
wife my wife i would
indulge in drinking and smoking and all my hobbies that's that's what would be
like my wife has been
amazing to me and she's great but i and and she's helped me with a lot of
things um i think i would
smoke i think i'd smoke a lot more than i do because i smoke cigars a lot and i
think i'd smoke
more you had to be smoking like four dude you're an animal yeah dude i i think
i smoked four cigars
the first two days of the tour i i tried to smoke two with you the next the
next day dude i i felt
like i had stood behind a bus for yeah i can't believe i smoked one the next
day with you just
because you were doing i was like dude i didn't even enjoy it yeah no i think
my wife has definitely
made me calm down with some things i would drink a lot more i'd probably be a
lot i'd probably be out
of shape more i mean i'm not in great shape but i think if i was alone you know
it was hilarious we went too
hard uh like we always do the first couple of days now we're supposed to go to
a movie on a relaxing day
off and we go you know what let's go get tex-mex for lunch and we'll just have
a two and then we'll
go see black mass smash cut two hours later you know i did the movie i don't i
the movie we're doing
shots of don julio tequila and we're drinking all night we're sitting in this
sports bar
and they had like they had baseball on the yankee game was on they had some
soccer on they had some
other replay and then they had this just like fails like youtube fails people
falling off horses and
shit and i was just yeah this was part of i'm gonna leave this to go see a
movie oh you know we got
those tacos i'm still gonna go see black mass without a doubt but i mean yeah i
know i want to see i want
to see it too it's been good but we were good last night we were gonna let you
know the funny thing
about you last night we're like i don't give a fuck when anybody says dude i'm
going home listen i don't
care you know if you want to go and i was like no i'm with you too dude i'm
tired too and then all
of a sudden in between shows you just go you just give me that look and i know
and you go you know
what that means and again he goes oh boy second wind oh yeah no once i go out
and have a good show
and i feel great why don't you want to go out and have a couple of pops well
unfortunately and
unfortunately i got a lot of friends here in dallas so i don't know how good i'm
going to be tonight
but i will tell you this when uh once i get through this one when i get off the
road uh i got to get back
on it because what sucks dude is it took me three months to get in shape and i
sort of got
fucking three weeks i'll give it all back so i gotta make sure jesus christ
with the teeter in
here well thank you for having me yes no worries uh paul versi's uh album
tomorrow drops tomorrow
night at the stand night it's available on itunes and uh band camp and uh soon
to be on amazon and
spotify and thank you to all things records for doing the right thing all
things comedy but the
record label is all things record so thank you pre-recorded live paul version
all right see you