Name: Bill Burr - Advice: Friend Fuckin' Up
Uploaded: 2015-09-29T15:07:58.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: Friend Fuckin' Up' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-09-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: Friend Fuckin' Up' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-09-29. Transcript available.

all right friend up dear bill my 26 year old friend in my opinion is in deep
with a lady
uh she's around 30 with three kids oh jesus and is recently divorced good lord
dude
is he wearing like a weighted vest just walking around too to add even more
difficulty to his
fucking day uh they've only been together for a few months but he's already got
car seats and
shit in his cars to tote these heathens around he's not what i would call a
ladies man so anytime he
gets into a relationship he falls in love quick and you know what the world
needs dopes too you can't
help him he said my concern is that he's going to end up playing daddy to three
kids that aren't his
for the rest of his life which in my opinion sounds like a goddamn nightmare
well those kids also need
a father he's doing something really admirable but if he's doing it for the
right fucking reason
admirable if he's just a fucking dope with low self-esteem you got to pull him
out of this man
you know you got to walk up to those fuck his fucking car and punch out the
side windows like
the terminator did to the windshield and you throw those car seats over the
fucking guardrail
all right no i'm not saying to do that all right anyways um my question is do i
talk to the kid
and let him know that that all of his friends think he's going down the wrong
path here he's the kind
of guy who doesn't handle those talks very well so i could see him going
ballistic should i let him
know or should i let him crash and burn one way or the other with this i
realize watching this train
work for the foreseeable future makes me a shitty friend but as a get but as
guys these conversations
suck dick uh listen dude you know he needs to grow up man if he can't handle
constructive criticism if
you just say look i'm just looking out for you all right you're gonna go from
being a single man
with all the options in the world to a a committed man with three kids
instantly um
if this is what you want to i don't know maybe that'll drive him further into
it
i mean i and i also think that a lot of reasons why like he doesn't do well
with those conversations
is because if he is somebody that just kind of gets into something and gets
trapped in something
and doesn't know how to express himself that usually adds to a lot of anger how
do i know this because
i've been that guy um i was very like uh withdrawn if anybody said hello to me
then i was friends with
them and i there was no asking what i wanted what i needed what i was looking
for i didn't figure that
out to very late in life which is probably why i didn't get married till i was
45 but at least i wasn't
dumb enough to get uh to to uh get married to someone that i i wasn't i always
knew enough to
be like all right i got to get out of this but i i was not good at that at all
and i was a very angry
guy um i don't know i don't know what his deal is or his psychological fucking
backgrounds he got an
overbearing father i have no fucking idea i'm not dr phil or johnny weissmiller
here whoever the fuck
i'm supposed to use as a wrestler as a reference but um you know why does johnny
weissmiller sound
like a doctor he's the actor who played tarzan by the way um anyways all right
asking so i would just
say uh you know what dude dude fuck his moodiness fucking baby just tell him
what you think
you know just sit down just say listen man as a friend i have to say my piece
on this thing all
right uh i just want to make sure you know what you're doing here because you
are taking on an
unbelievable responsibility and you are effectively ending your youth
immediately dealing with this
woman and these three fucking kids that mean it's one thing to get married have
a kid you fall in love
get married right and then have a kid and you deal with that then you have
another kid you deal with
that you're just going bam married kids three kids got to pick them up to daycare
and whatever it's like
yeah you don't need to do that and i know there's a lot of people out there who
divorce with kids
are probably annoyed me right now but you know what i don't give a fuck this
isn't about you
this is about a man who's 26 years old who he's got the world at his fucking
feet
all right if this is what he wants if it's what he wants you got to support it
but if he's being a fucking dope say your piece so you don't have to feel bad
all right and then later when he talks to you about it he's gonna have to say
like you know what
dude you were right and he'd be like you know what it's all right it's all
right
you can crash on my couch