Name: Bill Burr - Girlfriend Wants To Sell Her Panties Online
Uploaded: 2015-10-12T08:52:18.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Girlfriend Wants To Sell Her Panties Online' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-10-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Girlfriend Wants To Sell Her Panties Online' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-10-12. Transcript available.

all right my girlfriend wants to sell her panties online how do you not read
this i don't you guys
i don't give a shit if these are real or not these are very entertaining hey
billy beef farts uh
i think what that means my situation is exactly what it sounds like last week
my girlfriend of
six years asked me if i think it's okay if she sells her used panties online
gross
to some of those weirdo fetishes who enjoys that kind of i said sure thinking
what's the harm but what if one of those guys is in those as a forensic expert
and that's also his
fucking you know and that's how he kind of you know going to those murder
scenes he started sniffing
panties now he's afraid he's going to get caught so he orders them online and
then after a while
the smell isn't enough so he starts dusting the panties for prints the next
thing you know he's
standing at your door with a fucking meat cleaver and a hard-on and you answer
the door you know
he's got one hammer for one he's got the axe for the other and you show up that's
going through your
head and then he's going in looking for your pantyless girlfriend i think you're
nuts
anyways i said sure thinking what's the harm we're both university students she
needs money and what's
the harm in milking these wackos for her old panties stained and clam juice
dude there's no way you love
this woman um here's the problem she tells me that she needs to have pictures
taken in these panties to
to prove to her potential clients that she did actually wear them no she doesn't
they want to
smell them so they see her so they can yeah yeah and fucking rub them out um
when she told me this i
wasn't really it wasn't really in a way that was asking for permission not that
i would expect her to
not that i would expect her to this is how much the the american male has been
beaten down that if they
don't let the woman in their life do every fucking thing that she every fucking
fucking idea that comes to her head if they get in the way of it they're
crushing her dream
how about every if you're a fucking
you're not even her boyfriend at this point you're just an entourage member
just going hey where are we
going tonight oh that's cool can you be a fellow do you love this woman don't
fucking let her do this
this is a dumb fucking idea don't you have dumb ideas doesn't she say to you
every once in a while
hey that's a stupid idea and then afterwards you're like jesus christ what was
i thinking thank god
you're in my life this is when you need to step up not stand down
she just dude if she fucking does this she's basically she's in the porno
industry
her picture's going to be online on a panty sniffer fucking website
what what what job do you get after that and it lives forever and they'll wait
they'll wait till
she's running for office you know if she starts her own campaign to stop some
disease right
then that thing's going to come out the old patty panty sniffer photo is going
to come out
anyways he says but more of of anyways not that i would expect her to
dude what if what if what if you dabbled into the porn industry however the you
were going to do it
with just a picture huh i don't know it's crazy anyways but more of a this
would be part of the deal
kind of way she brought it up to up to me immediately i tell her that i have a
huge problem with this well
all right then all right then you scared me there earlier and she should not be
doing it she argues
that and i quote i like the attention it gets all right dude you know what this
is the sound of
that is the sound of you backing up the dump truck that she's laying in the
back of and dumping that
bitch in the trash dude this is not the mother of your kids this god bless her
i don't know who the
fuck fucked her up it's it's over out it's over dude it's out and it's done i
don't even need to read
the rest of this he goes like what the am i supposed to do here that's what you're
supposed to do keep my
mouth shut and act like a cuckolder or fight this thing to the bitter end i
know it's her body and
she has the right to do anything with it shut the fuck up with that jesus
christ these fucking feminists
you guys have turned into zombies this isn't like a date rape situation here i
get she does have the
right to do it but you're stopping her from getting into the porn industry but
it makes me feel like a
complete tool it should any input would be appreciated bill i think i told you
i think i told you what you
should do dude just yeah yeah you know what this is the deal okay even if she
goes you're gonna break
up with me well then forget it i won't do it i can't live without you fuck that
whatever this is
this this is a this is gonna rear its ugly fucking head again i like the
attention it gets
she likes that kind of attention okay i'm telling you right now dude i'm
telling you right now
somebody that likes that kind of fucking of attention it's not the attention
that she can get
within a fucking one-on-one monogamous monogamous relationship all right now
whether she'll ever
act on it and go even further end up on a pole or blowing somebody behind a
dumpster down at a denny's
after she ate some bad scrambled eggs who's to fucking know all you know is
that you're rolling
the dice with with half of your shit if you ever marry this kid this this kid
this woman and have kids
you know and the kids are gonna halfway fucking look like her
oh dude i'm just flying down the road with this thing
dump her dude dump her that's a deal breaker i'm sorry that's a fucking deal
breaker done over all right
just be like listen uh we've come to a fork in the road and uh you want to be a
model for a panty sniffing
website which i totally respect and uh i would like to be with somebody that i
can trust
you know who doesn't need the attention of some of the fucking weirdest people
on the internet
okay good luck and thank you for playing now have you guys ever listened to the
uh
the all things comedy podcast that i do live with uh al madrigal you ever
listen to those
al madrigal okay he's a very busy man so he might not have time to give you
breakup advice
al madrigal has the greatest way how you break up with the woman that you if
you're not living with
this woman the greatest way ever and i'm giving him full credit here and he's
already told the story
on a podcast so i don't feel like i'm overstepping my bounds here this is the
greatest way ever this is
what he would do when he knew that he was going to break up with the woman and
and and uh women can do
this too he would and the woman was not living with him he would gather up all
of her that was in the
apartment and he would put it in a box he'd call her up said i need to come
over there and talk to you
he'd come over with the box tell her it was over and then he would leave and
then there was nothing
else there was no reason for her to come back and that was it that's what you
need to do with her you
need to pack up all her panties that she's going to be selling and modeling
soon so she can become a
fucking jerk-off model okay and she's free to do that because it's her body
snap 12 to 6 right is that
what they do that's her fucking body it's her right she's an independent woman
beyonce the whole
fucking thing feminism yeah i'm doing this shit you have fun sweetheart right
she's gonna go become a
jerk-off model and if you stay with her you will become a jerk-off and you don't
want to do that because
eventually it's gonna breed resentment and uh you know dude like yeah it's
gonna be over you can't
marry her you can't fucking marry it's done it's fucking over it's gonna get
out then your neighbor's
gonna find out then your neighbors are gonna be jerking off to her and then you're
gonna get a nickname
you know it's it's fucking over god help you if your name starts with p right peter
paul any of that
shit that that's the alliteration with panty i don't know what the fuck it's
gonna be but it's it's gonna
be a fucking nightmare jerk off jerry i don't know what the fuck it's gonna be
but dude you need to get
out beep beep beep dump that bitch in the fucking trash over over and so is
this podcast all right go
fuck yourselves i'll talk to you on thursday