Name: Bill Burr - Ex Girlfriend Hinting At Reunion
Uploaded: 2015-10-20T17:00:08.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Ex Girlfriend Hinting At Reunion' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-10-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Ex Girlfriend Hinting At Reunion' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-10-20. Transcript available.

All right, ex-girlfriend hinting at possible reunion.
Oh, jeez, jeez.
Ex-girlfriend hinting at possible reunion.
Hey, Bill, love your podcast even though I'm a lady and think you have no women
fans.
Oh, I assume this was a guy.
Look at me being all heterosexual here.
I'll just get right into it and say I've been having some lady problems.
My ex-girlfriend, do you know how bad I want to have a beer with you and talk
to a fucking woman about women problems?
Just to hear that fucking perspective, you know, with your fucking insight
being a woman, you know, what are your moves?
How do you fucking walk through that minefield?
She goes, my ex-girlfriend whom I loved for a long time and used the word whom,
I never know how to use that correctly.
If anybody can send me something, I've read it on, you know, I know how to use
your and your and two and two T double O.
I know how to use those, right?
But who and whom have always stumped me.
My ex-girlfriend whom, I'm just assuming you're using it correctly, I've loved
for a long time.
Keep saying she misses me and hinting at us getting back together, even though
we've been broken up for like five years.
It's one of those relationships that never seems to die.
Not in the sense that we keep breaking up and getting back together.
We've never done that.
But that we can't just be like normal friends.
There's there's always some underlying romantic feelings in our interactions.
Yeah, it sounds like you guys had that sex vibe.
You know what I mean?
And then you're both relationship people.
And next thing you know, you're hanging out.
You're having great sex.
And then the next thing you know, you're in a relationship.
And then you really realize like, you know, we just sort of fucked each other's
brains out.
But other than that, there was nothing else there.
But then every time you run into each other, there's still that, hey, we can go
fuck each other's brains out that you can fuse for the spark of love.
And so I'm guessing so far.
Anyways, in case you're not familiar with it, this is typical lesbian drama.
I didn't realize that.
But it makes sense.
You got the same hardware.
You know how the engine runs that you would probably I would think that you
guys were all fucking crushing it out there.
Right.
Anyways, it's widely believed that we just can't let go.
She had a girlfriend up until a few days ago, but kept flirting with me even
when they broke up.
Well, she's a piece of shit that you can't get with her.
You can't.
She's fucking around this other broad.
Right now.
She keeps saying stuff like, what do you think it's going to be like when we're
old in marriage?
Oh, God.
And she goes, oh, I forgot.
Oh, she goes, oh, and I forgot you don't want to get married.
I'm OK with us just living together.
I don't know if she's kidding or what.
So I just try to dodge it by saying stuff like, I don't know, maybe I'll be
dead by then.
Yeah, exactly.
She's getting in your fucking head.
I neither confirm nor reject the idea of us getting back together.
I just let her run with it.
I'm not even sure why she's doing this.
She wants to talk to me all the time now.
And I'm thinking maybe she's needy and has been for some time since her
relationship wasn't going that well.
That's what I would guess.
And I'm just a safe target for her to throw her emotions at and get something
back.
There you go.
There you go.
I agree with all of that.
But then she talked about how she will never love anyone as much as she loved
me.
And when I asked her if she still loves me, she said yes.
Oh, you know what?
Can I ask you a question?
Do you love her?
Were you even thinking about this broad until she got back into your fucking
life?
She's going to fucking turn you all around.
Oh, God.
Let me read the rest of this.
But I don't know what kind of love and what she wants with me.
If she's serious or just having fun.
I'm not going to say I've never thought about it.
But I'm not sure if I'd ever go back to that relationship.
We broke up for a reason.
And even though there's still something there, it seems like a huge step
backward in a way.
Well, there's your answer.
What the hell does she want, Bill?
She wants your fucking clamp.
She wants to nuzzle up next to you and have somebody to watch a movie with and
fuck around with again
so she can fucking drive you nuts and you got to go through the emotional drama
again.
And why now?
You already answered the question.
Because she's recently single and she's lonely.
Thanks for your time and your free podcast.
Lesbophobic grandmother.
Oh, that's the next question.
I thought, tell you, you signed it.
I'm like, wait a minute.
You're a grandmother and you're afraid of lesbians?
You are a lesbian.
What are the odds that was going to be the next one?
Sorry about that.
I would say, yeah.
I would not get back involved with her.
Fuck that.
Fuck that.
You're still young.
Go get yourself some hot piece that fucking is into you.
So it can be exciting and new.
Come aboard.
We're two lesbians.
Let's hang out.
And wear our jackets together, please.
Yeah, that's what I would do.
I would move on.
Oh, what?
She wants you now because she's recently single?
Fuck that.
She's using you.
All right?
You're better than that.
You're better than that.
Fuck that.
And don't give in to the fact, you know, just the way this whole thing's
written, I feel like
you're a better person and that you actually have more genuine feelings.
You know what I mean?
Which means you're going to be more vulnerable and easier prey.
And I think she's coming in, you know, she's basically the lesbian version of
the dude
that sat behind me during the USC game.
The douche is douche.
She's like the lesbian's cunt.
You know, does that make any sense?
It probably doesn't, but I'm looking out for you here.
I would say do not get back together with her.
All right?
Especially over the holidays.
You know, that Wednesday before Thanksgiving when you just want to go out and
go to that
place, you know, basically the lesbian cheers.
Sometimes you want to go, right?
Everybody knows your name and she's going to be sitting in there drinking some
sort of
pumpkin beer, you know, comes walking up to you wearing her dickies.
You don't need that shit.
Fuck that.
Go talk to that younger hottie in the sundress.
Do yourself, you know, treat yourself this holiday season.
Get yourself a younger hottie in a sundress.