Name: Bill Burr - Personal Information At The Gym
Uploaded: 2015-12-15T02:44:35.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Personal Information At The Gym' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-12-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Personal Information At The Gym' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-12-15. Transcript available.

anyways i forgot to tell you guys this shit i almost forgot this fucking story
so i've been
trying to work out when uh when i've been here two out of three days i've
worked out right
so i go to the gym the first day it's right down the street from my apartment
there's no
fucking problems i walk in the guy behind the counter is cool there's nobody
else there no
manager just some cool guy he goes hey by the way it's 15 bucks but if you go
on the internet
and you look this shit up it only costs you five bucks i said dude i'm old i
suck at the internet
okay just generally speaking i'm not good at it he goes i'm just saying you
know it's money
it's like all right man i'll try to find the fucking page you know i'll come
back the next
day i'll only pay five bucks so he goes cool no problems no fucking problems i
have a great
workout i fucking throw the weights around classic shit comedian i go to the
gym in the middle of the
day it's great there's nobody fucking there okay a couple of trophy wives on
treadmills you know
fucking looking at their instagram as they walk fucking half a mile an hour and
then you come
walking in and i don't give a fuck what time of day you walk into a gym if you
have to do chest that
day this all the benches are going to be taken up you know what i mean nobody's
ever doing squats
you can walk into a gym saturday fucking saturday like what's what's it busy
like early in the morning
when people come in whatever nine eight whatever the fucking the busiest time
right after work
six o'clock at night okay you can go walk into a gym and you can just
immediately just start doing
squats nobody's ever doing nobody does fucking legs everybody does the bench so
i walk in there
there's five people they have three benches there's like five people working
out three of them are guys
fucking bench pressing goddamn cunt so i gotta sit there and pretend like i'm
fucking really stretching
i'm not really stretching i'm waiting for you to finish right so anyways that
was the first day so
the second day i go to go back and i'm like all right here we go you know i'm
gonna run to this guy
again he's gonna say how come you didn't get the fucking thing that only makes
you pay five bucks
and be like because i suck at the internet remember i'll pay 15 i don't give a
fuck right and i come
showing up he's not there there's some lady there and then this fucking manager
buzzing around hey how long
you're in town for just you get a membership well i said no dude i just want to
work out today he goes
all right fill out this form so it's name address phone number email all of
this shit so i write down
a fake name and i say i'm from alaska and that's it right so he goes no i'm
sorry sir you got to fill
out the rest of this where all the address is now all i had to do was just fill
out a fucking fake
address but you know it's not how i'm wired i gotta make a point i go dude i'm
i'm i have to give you
my home address he goes yes i go dude uh i'm not trying to be a jerk but i'm
not going to give you
my home address i'm not going to tell you where i live so i can work out one
day at a gym
and he goes well you know you have to fill it all i go why why do you need to
know where i live
and he hems and haws and i just keep going why do you need to know where i live
okay uh it's 15 to work out i have the 15 i'm going to give it to you and i'm
going to work out
at the gym why do you need to know where i live so finally goes well sir you
know god forbid if you
have some sort of incident happens and we need to get in contact with somebody
i said so you're telling
me that god forbid to use your expression god forbid i keel over on the elliptical
you're gonna you're not gonna dial 9-1-1 you're gonna go drive to my house and
knock on the door
and hope somebody's there that's what you're gonna do
you're not gonna do that you're gonna call 9-1-1 like everybody else
and he just keeps going oh you know what are we gonna contact it's like what
the fuck do you care
who to contact
you know i just said look if you can tell me why i need to put down my home
address
i'll write it down but other than that i'll give you a phone number somebody to
call
if something happens to me but don't call them they're not a doctor call 9-1-1
tell you what yeah that's the deal call 9-1-1 and here's a number you know if
you want to let the
my wife know where the hell i'm going that's it you don't need to know where i
live
so the guy finally goes well you have to fill it out i go why and he goes it's
protocol
and i go exactly you cannot logically defend why you want my home address
you're getting my home address so the people in corporate will have that
information they can sell
it to other people
right so i go i'm not working out here right so i go to walk away and then the
lady behind the desk
she goes have a nice day sir i don't say anything keep walking to the elevator
she goes have a nice
day sir and i turn around i go i understand sarcasm you're not telling me to
have a nice day you're
telling me to go f myself i got in the elevator i know a lot of you guys like
bill why don't you just
fucking you write a fake address that's what i fuck you know why because at
some point there's got to be
some sort of pushback somebody has to fucking complain about this shit when you
walk into those places
and they go do you have an id don't ever hand them your id
you hold it and just say hey i'll hold it right up to your fucking face you
want to read it go ahead and read it
but you're not typing in shit from my id onto my onto your fucking computer
every time you put down my name and my address you've added another layer where
i am vulnerable
to identity theft and i'm not going to do that just to go work out at a fucking
gym
i'm not having a kidney transplant you cunt i'm going to go do some fucking
pull-ups
give you all my fucking information i don't know you guys probably think i'm a
psycho right i'm not
i'm right i'm right on this one i'm wrong about a lot of other shit
whatever this is stupid me just sitting here telling you that i'm right
oh really bill do you agree with yourself that's amazing