Name: Bill Burr - HGH (Human Growth Hormone)
Uploaded: 2016-02-12T02:26:41.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - HGH (Human Growth Hormone)' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-02-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - HGH (Human Growth Hormone)' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-02-12. Transcript available.

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the thursday afternoon
just before friday
monday morning podcast how's it going oh that's wonderful did you did that
happen this week good
for you you know what good for you good for you um you know i i'm gonna be all
i'm going back down
the rabbit hole this this thursday i know it's supposed to be about you on thursdays
mondays
it's about me but on thursdays it's supposed to be about you you know what i
mean you sitting there
you sitting there with that styrofoam cup drinking a cup of joe america don't
work without you
you know we're singing those condescending songs to the working man hey gay
puts his fucking pants
sawed one leg at a time joe six-pack yeah goes to the track every once in a
while has an occasional
cigar you know laughs at a racist joke every 7.2 days you know never questions
it um yeah i'm going
down the rabbit hole this week because i you know i i would like a little bit
of credit
after the super bowl for being a fucking gentleman as a patriot fan okay
and you bronco fans better know what i'm talking about i was a gentleman
you know it's so funny a lot of you orange cunts got your fucking head so far
up your fucking bronco
asses that you don't even know what i'm talking about you think i'm talking
about because you guys
kick my team's ass right not really kick their ass fucking one in the last
second took the whole
fucking game to win right you think that i'm fucking saying that i was nice
that i actually
rooted for peyton manning and the broncos no that's not what i'm talking about
you know what i'm talking
about after tom brady went through that fucking to deflate gate thing went
through the entire baseball
baseball season air pressure okay you know you would think if that's what
happens with air pressure what
if a certain someone had a certain something shipped to a certain house to a
certain wife
and that certain someone is in the fucking super bowl jesus christ if they can
make a fucking air
pressure an eight month fucking goddamn story on espn how long is this thing
gonna last answer zero seconds
wasn't even a fucking story okay and you know what and i love that it happened
i love that they didn't
make a big fucking deal out of it you know because i don't think they should i
think we're all gonna be
on roids in the future in the future we're all gonna be jacked right in the
future they're gonna have
like a fucking 80 or older like heavyweight division you know um sorry i'm
eating a hershey's kiss i just
had something salty i apologize very rude you know i'm just saying what i loved
about how that happened
is i'm never gonna lose another fucking argument that there is a fucking witch
hunt or that was a
fucking witch hunt okay if you're gonna fucking you know go fucking ballistic
about that horse shit
you know then all somebody has to come out and say it's disgusting i don't you
just makes me sick
oh god i don't know where does he come from and then that's it it's over it's
over done
i don't know about you guys but i don't have any more questions
take down the police tape
close the book take it off the board another case solved
um fucking unbelievable i was a gentleman oh i was just leave me now not even
naming names you know
what i'm talking about everybody knows the fuck i'm talking about i'm just
being a fucking gentleman
i'm just a gentleman right now sitting in here and some fucking basketball
shorts eating hershey
kisses just talking just talking to myself oh i'm having another one
who's the fucking annoying cunt that makes hershey's kisses i don't fucking get
it
you know
thank god whoever makes hershey's kisses also doesn't make popcorn or you have
to fucking unwrap each goddamn
kernel popped right
am i doing 80s stand-up right now
why
a hershey's kiss is so small
you know i bet they make bigger ones now for fat fucks
i gotta look that up
what should i google here
hershey kiss for a fat fuck
i gotta do it now just to see if something comes up
dude my dog looks so fucking cute right now
she's completely just like she has her bed
and um nobody fucking lays down on a bed like a dog
just because they're pack animals
and they don't need their space they they like being
in each other's spaces laying down on top of each other
she fucking she's laying there right now
she looks like a fucking lion just laying in a cage
except she's got a bed there's no cage
she really doesn't look like a lion she's like a dog
she's chilling that's what i'm trying to say
all right
when i say hershey kiss
hershey is the one chocolate i have
all right hershey kiss
for
fat
fuck
you know there's gonna be a hit here
hershey kisses
this annoys me irish people taste test hershey kisses
oh let me guess they're gonna shit on america's chocolate when the fuck go
europe is just enough already you know what i mean isn't it enough that we
accepted the fact that you stole blues music after we stole it and then brought
it back to us we were nice about it didn't we
um
all right how about how about supersized
supersize hershey's kits and then there's no way they're gonna say for fat fuck
come on bill
let's let's let's be intelligent about this
all right hershey kiss for uh supersize
but then they're not gonna be able to say that because mcdonald's uses that
right supersize
which all just means for fat fucks right
kisses giants milk chocolate seven ounce package
images for hershey kisses super size there they are
oh yeah
you know somebody fucking complained
you know
some fucking
you know those people that breathe like biggie smalls
kind of out of shape
they have sleep apnea even when they're awake you know they called up to hershey
you know it's just so fucking gross to them like it was just gross to you that
they just said fine fine we'll make them bigger
you know
you know just imagine how much more aluminum foil that was
some poor kid fucking you know throwing out his back picking up those giant
chocolate fucking kisses
they're really not that much bigger
oh fuck you ever have those peanut butter ones what am i talking about here jesus
christ let's let's continue on here so anyways um
i am gonna have a good time with that when i go to i'm actually going to shy
and wyoming and denver colorado
and uh all the fun i'm gonna have in denver wishing them
a happy celebration for this super bowl win
and uh you know
you know and i'll have a couple other
you know choice words to say
and you know what the best part is as much as if i do i don't think i'm going
to do it
but if i do it as much as they boo
and as loud as they boo in the back of their heads they know i'm right
i challenge any one of you guys send me a email right now
and you tell me that there isn't some unbalanced going after the patriots thing
after that horse if the flake gate is an eight month story and that thing is
eight seconds
oh what a gentleman i didn't say to i alluded to it but i you know i'm still
not naming names
weird protection issues um
it's not a story nothing to see here
sin bronco fans i'm just with you okay i don't give a you think i'm not gonna
be on roids
when i'm you know i was gonna say older i'm gonna be 48 this year so i should
probably start taking
them you know start showing up to gigs with no neck you know seeing if people
dude you know what
Peyton manning's neck and head look like do you remember when steve buscemi got
stuck in that chipper
in in fargo do you remember when his leg was just sticking out with the foot
that's what peyton
manning's neck looks like you just stick a head up just take a head on it so i
get the hiccups
all right that's it go yourselves