Name: Bill Burr - Dilemma: Hot Air Balloon vs Submarine / Holiday
Uploaded: 2016-02-16T07:00:25.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Dilemma: Hot Air Balloon vs Submarine / Holiday' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-02-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Dilemma: Hot Air Balloon vs Submarine / Holiday' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-02-16. Transcript available.

Dilemma. Dilemma. Dear Bill, would you rather have to live in an air balloon
for a month,
never having set down, or would you rather live in a submarine, never breathing
the surface
for a whole month? Both scare the shit out of me for a whole month, but I think
I choose the
submarine. Seems more natural. Yeah, and there's also a bathroom. I wouldn't
want to have to shit
on people and pee. Well, I would obviously wait till I was over a rural area.
Yeah, plus you'd be
inside. You'd have a bed. When you're in the submarine, you have a blanket. You
get to be
down there with all the fellas. Hey. No, man. I mean, I think it would be cool
to fucking look out
the window and see all the fucking, uh, the sea life and all that shit. I would
go fucking nuts
down there, but, um, I don't know. Fucking up there in an air balloon gets cold
or hot. You're really
dealing with the fucking elements when you're up there. It starts fucking
raining. Um, yeah, I don't
know. I w I would be, uh, I would get over that really quickly, but I think
being in a sub, you
know, you're down there, you could play cards, you could fucking break each
other's balls or whatever.
I don't know. Yeah. I've definitely, I would think I would much rather do a sub.
Um, and if I had to
die either way, I'd rather die in a sub. I'd rather have it just fucking, you
know, if you're going to
die in a sub, that's going to be quick, you know, it's just over, right? Yeah.
I don't know. Yeah.
I don't know. Sometimes maybe it might not be quick. They close that door. Yeah.
Those are two
terrifying things. I got to go with you. Got to go with you on that. Um, all
right. Dilemma,
Billy boy. Uh, if you had to choose which holiday to get canceled and never
celebrate again,
would you choose Valentine's day or president's day who deserves more
recognition? Your girl for doing
what you do all year without a holiday. That's hilarious. Yeah. We don't get a
holiday. Um,
or maybe I read that wrong or presidents who may or may not be horrible people
who hurt the country.
I canceled president's day because I'd rather keep the one that involved
chocolate being around. Uh,
that's a good reason for it. Um, if I had to get rid of one, I don't think
anybody really celebrates
president's day. I don't really consider it a day off. It's kind of like flag
day.
You know what I mean? Or a buttermilk pancakes day. Isn't there one of those
fucking days too?
Um, Jesus, you want me to cancel a holiday?
Uh, I wouldn't cancel Valentine's day just cause women like it so much. Believe
it or not.
I am a cunt, but I'm not that fucking bad. So I I'd keep that one.
Yeah. You know what? Fuck president's day. All those guys are bought and sold.
Anyways,
you've seen it with Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders. You've seen how the
Democrats are just
going to pick her because she's going to play ball. They're all tied into the
fucking,
the fucking, I don't know what you want to call it.
That she, that Bernie Sanders is too fucking radical. He's going to switch shit
up too much.
And then they're not going to work with them. Even if Bernie Sanders gets
fucking elected,
they're not going to work with them. They're going to show their fucking true
colors. They're a bunch of,
they're just a bunch of, they're all bought and paid for it. They, they all,
how the fuck do the
Clintons got $3 million to throw their kid a wedding? You know what I mean?
Give me a fucking
break. Cause you went out and you gave speeches to all the people that fucking
financed your campaign. And then you hooked them up and looked the other
fucking way. I swear to God.
I swear to God. Do you wonder how the fucking pharmaceutical companies and the
people who
fucked up the food supply are able to do it? And there's nothing, there's
nothing behind it.
It's because they fucking paid everybody off. I swear to God. All right. I'm on
my, I'm on my,
this is why I always vote for that third party guy and everybody goes, Oh, you're
throwing away your
fucking vote. How is throwing away my fucking vote voting for somebody who's a
decent fucking human
being? I swear to God, people, they, they, they don't want to try to do what's
right. They just
want to win. They want to be like, Oh, my guy won. Oh, I'm on my stump again.
See that
every time I sit there and I trash people for fucking giving their public
opinion. Then look
at me, look at me. I do the exact same thing. I am what's known as a hypocrite,
a hypocunt.