Name: Bill Burr - Fancy Jeans Story / Gross Story
Uploaded: 2016-02-26T18:37:22.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Fancy Jeans Story / Gross Story' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-02-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Fancy Jeans Story / Gross Story' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-02-26. Transcript available.

oh my god dude the other night i fucking met lawhead for a drink okay i was
just like dude
i've been trying out the booze but i i gotta i gotta have a couple two or three
right so he goes
all right he goes you know i'm doing a spot i'll meet you over at this bar so
we go to the bar
i'm sitting there we're shooting the shit we're having a great time and uh this
is the plumber
thing this is what reminded me so this big guy comes in by big i mean fat all
right big mother
and hips too puts it on like oprah thighs and ass and then he also puts it on
like a dude
he puts it on like a chick and a dude this was just a fat man and you know he i
he was obese
but he he wasn't even biggest loser fat he just was he was just tall he was a
mountain of a
man so he sits down at the the bar stool just off the off of the you know lawhead's
right
shoulder and it's a really not a well-lit bar and i'm just sitting there and i'm
looking
and he's got this weird design on his pants and i'm just like what the is that
that's weird
is that a new style of jean you remember those bedazzled jeans that everybody
was wearing
like 10 15 years ago it looked like he had a horseshoe on on your pockets you
know the big
thing was to have the stitching like that the jeans were blue and then you had
the it was all white i
never bought those i'm so glad i never bought those there's not one picture of
me in those there's
already pictures of me and z cavaricis okay i don't need it i don't need to you
know jump on that trend
either you know so um i'm sitting there going what is that design it looked
like i like almost like he
ordered custom pants and they just they put this design right and i looked a
little closer my eyes
adjusted and i realized it was his hairy ass crack i couldn't believe it
this guy sat down he was so big dude i am telling you it was the top of his
ass crack he was so fat it was like twice the size of my whole ass crack that's
why i didn't think it
was that and it was hairy i apologize for putting this image in you but it was
hairy so it looked
like it was a design and it i just can't and lawhead was caught my eyes when i
realized what i was
looking at and he was like dude what the and when i told him what had just
happened i
don't think i've ever made lawhead laugh like that he was howling in this bar
to the point i think even
the guy looked over at us oh my god i kept saying that i said that you could
measure
i was going dude how can that be how can there be more ass crack
like this is weird like when you lose weight do you like if you become a fat
fuck you have a giant ass so you have this i never thought about this you have
this giant
fucking ass crack so when you lose the weight like the crack goes away too
right that doesn't
seem like it doesn't make sense to me because it seems like it's a hole in your
body kind of
you know i don't i don't know i was trying to figure it out i was i was riffing
about this
how disgusting this was uh what the did i say i was saying you remember that
home run
mark mcguire hitting the kingdom off of randy johnson i was saying you could
measure that
home run with the amount of ass crack this guy had coming out of the top of his
pants and that was
just his that was just his plumber crack oh jesus christ what a image thank god
i already
ate before i did this huh um all right let's uh oh god i wish i had video of my
you know they
always do those reaction videos that just see like you must have done that
before right you know when
you look at something oh what is that and then you realize you know i don't
know putting more gross
things in your head oh god i got another disgusting story i should i do it at
this point if you get
grossed out easily um you know you should have tapped out by now you want
another gross one
you know what i got i gotta read the advertising i promise i'll tell you this
one is really
really gross um all right here we go you know i'm just gonna tell you that the
i'm gonna tell you
that one and i'll tell you another one of like the basically the two grossest
things that ever happened
to me oh no there's another one jason you know what's funny they're all like 15
years apart like every 15
years like just something fucking gross happens to you i mean if you're lucky
as a human being
all right i'm not gonna tell you all the gross stories i'll tell i'll tell you
i'll tell you one quick one all right um i was living i have roommates i was
living in this place
and i got up early and i went into the bathroom to take a shower and i looked
down and what looked
to be a brown washcloth you know that was all twisted up uh the bottom of the
shower i think you
know what's going i reached down to pick it up and if somebody had one of my
roommates had in the shower
i never got over that
i woke them all up they were all awoken by who's in the shower and they were
laughing because i think
laughing because it was hilarious and then also i started laughing because of
the alliteration later
i did but like i literally could not eat with that hand for like a month and
thinking now i actually i
don't remember which hand it was it was fucking disgusting it's it's the grossest
thing that's
it's not even funny is it you know if you're laughing at that right now you're
a sick
fuck um and who am i if i i told you about it right sorry about the shit in the
shower story
the ass crack one was funny i don't give a fuck who you are