Name: Bill Burr - Iggy Pop, Taco Trucks, & Smoking Cigars
Uploaded: 2016-03-12T15:27:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Iggy Pop, Taco Trucks, & Smoking Cigars' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-03-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Iggy Pop, Taco Trucks, & Smoking Cigars' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-03-12. Transcript available.

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the thursday afternoon
just before friday
monday morning podcast and i just check it in oh yeah just check it in on you i'm
just checking in
on you hello this is susan bloomstein calling um that's a character i used to
call up a buddy
of mine all the time they pretend to be his casting director and i would just
call him up
with the worst fucking auditions ever hello this is susan bloomstein calling i
have an audition for
you it's for a feature do you have a problem with being naked around other men
in positions that
involves you staring at your ankles if you have a problem if not give me a cool
stupid shit like that
it was always like you know something that i guess would be considered homophobic
is instead of just
being funny you know is it homophobic to suggest that he would be uncomfortable
staring at his
ankle ankles i should say in the company of other men i don't know what's going
on how was your
thursday did you get paid today huh did they write some numbers on a piece of
paper and then you stuck
it in a machine and somehow you can get waffles it's in the air man all the
money's in the air
now i don't know where it is you know safe to say either some white dude has
all of it russian dude
which is guess is a white dude but white dude means american dude right or
english right russian dude or
chinese dude one of them's got it maybe somebody in singapore has all the money
a japanese guy
and of course you got the Saudi princess they got something like six people
have it all right now
and the rest of us just get pieces of paper with numbers on it but as long as
we believe in it
no matter what they say on tv no matter how bad they say it's getting as long
as we just continue
to believe in it just keep writing numbers to each other right next thing you
know i got a shirt you got
a taco everybody's happy susan bloomstein call ink um anyways uh so here's what's
going on with me last
night me and the lovely nia my beautiful lady we went down and saw uh iggy pop
he has a new album out
the post-pop depression and um basically like 90 of queens of the stone age was
backing him up uh john
theodore was not on drums um but it was pretty much i think the rest of the
band and iggy pop came
out it was a fucking amazing show i lucked into these tickets i was doing a
comedy show i ran into
somebody that works for the band they said we got a couple extra tickets do you
want to go my freckles
stood up at attention and of course i went i went down there and god damn it
what an amazing show sarah
silverman opened up she crushed it and um iggy pop man there's a bucket list
right there
bucket list one to go see the guy comes out there right he's got on a sports
coat with no shirt
underneath it he's 68 years old all right after one song the code is gone and
he's prancing around with
no shirt on 68 years old it was some fucking guy just doesn't give a i'm gonna
i'm gonna post a
picture of the guy you know what i mean he's still in great shape you know sure
there's a little
elasticity issues here or there with the skin but i mean other than that the
guy looks like he can do
more push-ups than i could ever do i hope i look that good at his age you know
when he still got that
beautiful marcia brady haircut gorgeous hair oh god i was jealous um
anyways the band absolutely smashed it he was all over the stage
um it was it was incredible man it was just a just an absolutely amazing night
and then
me and nia finished it off as much as i'm trying to get in shape one of the
great things to do out
here in los angeles is to hit your favorite taco truck or late night taco spot
um
it's just the best and there was one uh i got a buddy of mine another comedian
for shaw who's
like a connoisseur of all the taco trucks so i was basically like all right we're
down
just east of the one west of the 110
um you know on like beverly boulevard what do you got and he fucking he gave me
like three taco trucks
like google mapped all the way back to my house and we ended up stopping off at
one
and uh oh fuck i didn't get any tacos actually got a goddamn quesadilla which
is the classic default
white guy order at a taco truck you know can i get a chicken quesadilla can i
get one of them
i mean technically is that even mexican it's just chase with chicken hell we do
that um
it was just a uh a great night and um another night where i didn't smoke a
cigar i haven't smoked a
cigar since february 16th and uh you know you have a problem with something
when you know the exact date
you know of uh when you stop doing it you know other if you just don't give a
you just
like you want to go to mcdonald's yeah i don't know when's the last time you
ate there
oh i don't know man it's been a while like a year that's when you don't have a
price that's that's when
if there was an issue of addiction it's just completely out of your life but i
know the exact date
it was february 16th i know where i was i know what i smoked and i know what i
felt like when i had it
and i've been thinking about it every day and um i'm trying to go on a little
bit of a run here because
if uh if i don't cut this out of my life this this summer i will be a four-year
smoker like what the
what am i doing um so but i've been holding fast with these uh fast or holding
strong whatever the
the expression is i only have two a month all right i had two in january two
and a half
in february because i started smoking when it wasn't lit well and i got another
one so i had one
and a half that nice that's not bad right come on you guys aren't doctors
generally speaking i should
be all right my body can handle that two and a half fucking days i mean two and
a half two a month
once every 14 days that's still stupid maybe i'll just go down to one a month
i want to be special occasion guy i figure i'll smoke one at the rose bowl
smoke one super bowl sunday my birthday
uh what else you got flag day then i don't give a fuck about that
it's a bunch of jewish holidays in uh september i am in show business as a nod
to them
that'd be really selfish like i give a shit right like i give a shit about you
know like i'm actually
acknowledging another religion the real reason is i'm just looking for an
excuse to smoke a cigar
to all my jewish brothers and sisters out there and a sign of support what are
you gonna do bill huh
make a donation to the museum of tolerance no i am going to smoke a cuban cigar
in honor to all of your wonderful contributions to comedy and show business um
like for a year that would be perfect right there's not a doctor on the planet
they always got it they always get their job is just to rain in your parade i
saw if i went in
and it's like doc look i smoked for a year is that bad and be like yeah well
you know it's you know
it's not bad but they always go ideally yeah ideally i'd live in a fucking
bubble and i would be breathe
perfect fucking air and i would drink clean water and i have a microbiota what
the
are you doing doc you got to be doing something
going in here taking everybody's blood pressure all goddamn day looking at
fucking skin tags you're telling me you don't have an outlet um i don't know so
anyways having said
all that probably smoke one next week but i like this month this month is going
good because um
you know i've already like you know my the first two months of the year i
really feel like i should
my hands should be shaking as i'm talking about this is so bad i want to smoke
i uh i had my first
one january 1st and then january 8th i had the second one i was like the month
isn't even half
over and i got a white knuckle it the rest of the way and then i did it again
in february i smoked one
on like the fifth and then one on like this i guess the 16th then i got another
two fucking weeks
so now i feel like i'm ahead of the game because it's like the 10th if i can
just make it to like the
15th you know then i can actually go on a run and do one every week for four
weeks
then white knuckle it through april
i don't know it just sucks how come everything fun kills you
you know just kills you sitting around eating goddamn yogurt look at you god
damn you look good
yeah oh yeah what do you mean really i think i'd hitch my wagon to a dog
fucking totally superficial all right you look hot and you better keep looking
hot because i'll tell
you right now i'll go right down to the used car lot and i'll start shopping oh
yeah i'll trade you in
i'm looking to trade you in and about i don't know you're a classic though you're
one of those those ones
that's gonna last for a while you know i've been treating you well changing the
fluids every 3 000
miles ah jesus gross disgusting um well thank you for saying that i think i
feel like i went out to
a show last night and had some drinks and ate some late night tacos yes you did
it was so much fun did
you talk about the show yeah how about iggy the confidence of iggy pop going
out there 68 has more
swag than all of you bitches why are you attacking the listeners i don't know i
guess it's funny because
you're hung over and you know yeah i don't mean to attack the the listeners i'm
just saying yeah the
swag he had out there was the whole band and iggy of course is legendary that
was a great show i'm
really glad i went you know i wasn't feeling up to it but i'm glad it's a great
name for an album too huh
post the post popped oh post pop depression yeah very good it was awesome and
the band was all
wearing custom ysl for those of you who are into what is that designer clothing
ysl is east
saint laurent east in laurent yeah so they were all wearing custom ysl even the
roadies like the
crew was wearing like like trousers and ties from ysl which is pretty dope like
josh looked great in
that suit didn't he whenever you say trousers i think of that classic that
classic louis ck joke when
he used to talk about whenever he does yeah whenever he would call phone sex he'd
always get that 70
year old woman i'm taking off your trousers
i think we need to bring cleo's water dish in here yeah because she's laying in
the sun why don't you go do
that because or grab another mic if you're going to be on this no i'm not i
just came in to say hi
jesus that was one of my favorite dumb jokes of all time what does a gay horse
eat
i'm sorry come on you gotta admit that's funny on some level yeah pull her out
of the sun
she's done one hike and she's done it's already hot out here global warming nene
you're looking good
all right beat it um
go to the gym keep it looking good that's part of your contract show me shut up