Name: Bill Burr - Granny Wata Update
Uploaded: 2016-03-14T09:44:49.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Granny Wata Update' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-03-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Granny Wata Update' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-03-14. Transcript available.

Let's read some of the questions here for this week.
Oh, we got an update. I love when there's an update.
Remember last week, the granny fucking water!
Remember that story?
All right, here we got an update.
Hey there, old Billy fucking water!
I got an update for you on this one.
The story has good news and bad news.
All right, so last week, for those of you who didn't listen,
I'll give you a little recap.
There was some kid, you know, he's basically, he's engaged,
he's getting married in six weeks, so he's over his fiancé's house,
his future in-law's house, her fucking parents.
That's all I'm trying to say, right?
So they're playing some card game, and evidently,
they're down to the final hand, and he has,
the card's called Granny Water.
I don't know what the game is or whatever.
Some people sent me pictures of the card.
The game does exist, but it's a really high-point card or whatever,
and he was laying down.
Ah, fuck, I'm yawning.
Sorry.
He was laying down his card last.
And basically, when he laid it down,
he was going to do the old fucking right-there fret.
I won the game, and he had the Granny Water card,
and I guess in the end of the game, it's probably,
you get it, you hold on to it, and you play it at a crucial point.
So everybody's sitting there, as everybody's laying the cards down,
waiting to see who's going to fucking lay it down.
So this kid, fucking, it's finally his turn.
He lays it down to be like, you know,
like hitting the last second three I just won.
And because he listens to the podcast,
instead of saying, I got the Granny Water card,
he goes, he goes, look, he goes, it's all fucking great.
Now he goes, it's Granny fucking water!
And just screamed it to his in-laws, okay,
who never heard this guy curse before and do not listen to this podcast.
So they just stared at him like, what was that?
What is my daughter marrying?
Like he just completely screwed the whole fucking thing up.
So he was asking me for advice.
Should he bring it up?
Should he not bring it up?
All right, now you guys are caught up.
Here you go.
He says, the story has good news and bad news.
The good news is my fiancé's parents were super cool about the whole thing.
Super duper!
I bit the bullet and waited until we went over for game night again last night.
I apologized, of course, and they said,
they initially just thought,
why am I yelling like this?
Fuck!
They initially thought it was really odd for me to yell like that
without them knowing the context.
But once it was explained,
my fiancé texted them about it.
It was no big deal.
It was a huge relief.
We played the game again.
And every time someone played that card,
they did the whole granny water thing minus the fucking in the middle.
Okay, cool.
He goes, so my embarrassment will be immortalized.
The bad news is that I mentioned that you read the letter on the podcast.
Oh, no.
You know what?
You're one of those guys, dude.
You just like stepping in shit.
He goes, naturally, they wanted to listen to it.
I thought it wasn't a big deal because they lived through the story
and your commentary was hilarious.
I warned them about the explicit nature of your podcast
and that there were plenty of fucks throughout.
The fact that you did the granny water thing before it was even brought up was
perfect.
Everyone thought the story was hilarious.
That is until the P.S.
If you recall, I may or may have not called Hillary Clinton a cunt.
Oh, Jesus.
That's right, you did.
He goes, yeah, I know I'm a dumbass, Bill.
My fiancee just turned to me and said, did you write that?
He said, my fiancee turned to me and said, did you write that with that look on
her face?
I knew I was fucked.
So, Freckles, I did the only thing I could.
I said, oh, sorry about that.
I didn't write it.
Bill's email screener guy did.
Andrew did.
He picks the emails each week, then writes the little opening line pun
and then sometimes throws in a P.S. to make them more entertaining.
Why would you write this?
Because if they listen to this, you're fucked.
You know what, dude?
I have no sympathy for you.
So, here we go.
He goes, they bought it.
So, we just listened to the rest and we're laughing again by the end.
So, I threw Andrew under the bus on that one.
I'm going to repeat my only good move from the last story and just shut the
fuck up about it forever.
In the end, all is well.
Thanks for reading it on the podcast.
It seemed to help smooth it over.
No worries.
Just tell him not to listen to this one.
He goes, by the way, I just bought tickets to your show and I'm not going to
say where the show is in case anybody's figuring out who the fuck this is.
It's the week after my wedding and my fiancee slash wife, by that point, is
coming to.
I'd love to meet you in person.
Thanks.
And go fuck yourself.
All right.
Well, you know, I'll be hanging out after in Iowa.
Just scream out.
Oh, I just said where it was.
Oh, well, you're fucked.
Granny water.
Scream it out and I'll fucking say hello to you.
All right.
Now, everybody's going to do that there.