Name: Bill Burr - Advice: Fiancée Wedding Plans
Uploaded: 2016-03-22T13:24:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: Fiancée Wedding Plans' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-03-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: Fiancée Wedding Plans' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-03-22. Transcript available.

All right, fiancé's wedding plans.
Hey there, Billy Blue Band.
Blue Bland?
The fuck is that?
First, let me say, I can't wait to see you in Orlando on May 7th.
I don't know why I haven't seen you perform live yet,
but you are the last of my top ten comedians to see before I die.
Oh, Jesus.
There's way more that you should see than that,
but I am very flattered that I am one of the ten.
Okay, so he says, I've been engaged for three years now.
All right, dumper.
You don't want to marry her.
Do I really need to read the rest of this?
Who the fuck is engaged for three years?
He said, and me and my lady are in the first steps of finally planning our
wedding.
I am simple and am okay with something small
and would rather save money for our honeymoon and down payment on the house.
And let me guess, she wants to spend a ton of fucking money.
My fiancé wants a destination-themed wedding.
I'm not opposed to compromise and have a destination wedding,
but she wants the theme to be the Little Mermaid in Hawaii.
She's adamant about this and has these horrible outfits picked out for the
whole wedding party
to wear, including myself as Neptune.
I don't believe this.
I'm calling bullshit.
But you know what?
As always, I'll read it like it's true.
I'm 37 and she is 28, if that matters.
I sincerely love her, but she won't let this go, and I absolutely refuse to go
through with that.
I don't want to lose her in my life, but I've tried everything I can think of
to talk her out of it,
and honestly, it's a deal breaker for me.
Please tell me your thoughts, and if you have any advice, I'd be very grateful.
Thanks and go fuck yourself.
All right.
Well, this isn't a joke question.
You've been engaged for three fucking years, okay?
That's weird.
I think there's something going on there, and you're a little bit country.
She's a little bit rock and roll.
Remember that?
The old fucking Donnie and Marie show.
Usually sometimes opposites.
You know, she's that part of you.
She completes you.
I don't think she's – this is a shit show.
If this is true, you are –
do you understand that when you inevitably get divorced from this fucking woman
that you are going to get no sympathy from anybody?
It will first be, oh, my God, a divorce.
I heard, you know, other than losing a loved one,
that's the most stressful thing ever.
But when you tell the story that you dressed like Neptune at your own fucking
wedding,
right then, everybody's going, yeah, well, you know, I fucking told you.
Yeah, dude, you walk away from it.
You're 37.
You're fine.
You'll meet somebody else, okay?
You don't have a biological clock.
That's one of the great things about being a dude, you know?
But it all balances out because we die eight years before them, you know,
so they get to live a little bit longer sitting in that coffee house, you know,
eating those fucking weird chocolates.
He said – oh, this is somebody else's.
I'm sorry.
I thought that's how he signed off.
Yeah, I would walk away from this whole fucking thing.
How many more red flags need to be shook in your face?
You just walk away from the whole fucking thing.
Oh, my God, dude.
What kind of fucking issues does she have that she wants to have?
Oh, my God.
She's one of those women that has that goo-goo-ga-ga, creepy-ass fucking voice.
She talks like she's fucking six.
Oh, God, that gives you the fucking chills.
Can you be a fucking adult over here?
What if you wanted a Scooby-Doo-themed fucking wedding, right?
You wanted her to dress like fucking that Janine Graffalo redheaded one, you
know?
And her sister to dress like Daphne, and you were going to be fucking shaggy.
And the best man was going to dress like Fred with that scarf around his
fucking...
Why the...
I don't believe that question.
I just don't, okay?
And if you fucking marry her, you deserve it.
You know?
And when you come crying up to me, I'm going to steal from that fucking tour.
I fucking told you.
Ha, ha, ha.
Bye.