Name: Bill Burr & Nia - Old Guy Falling Story | Skateboarder Falling Story
Uploaded: 2016-03-28T10:05:17.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Nia - Old Guy Falling Story | Skateboarder Falling Story' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-03-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Nia - Old Guy Falling Story | Skateboarder Falling Story' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-03-28. Transcript available.

I was going to tell the story of seeing the old guy fall off the scooter.
I hope he's all right. Jesus Christ.
You helped him, though.
What was I supposed to do? I was the first person there.
Billy Bird of the Rescue.
Fucking guy rolling down the street, sliding on his face.
Poor guy.
That's terrible.
He was fucked up.
He had raspberries. He knocked himself out.
He came around. He was spitting out.
He was pulling out little bits of teeth.
And I don't know why.
It was horrifying when I saw it,
but now I can't talk about it without laughing.
It's just because he was on a scooter.
I basically, I was...
Oh, I'm not going to say all the information
because, God forbid, the people that are related to him are listening.
So the fucking dude was like,
Ah, fuck it. I'll just tell the story.
I didn't do anything.
I had just finished flying.
Just exploit his fucking tragic accent.
I had just done, finished flying, right?
Which everybody says is so fucking unsafe, right?
Fly around and look at all this cool shit.
Fly over Silver Lake to see that they took the water out of it.
I didn't even realize that.
And I came back.
I fucking land.
You know, say goodbye to everybody.
And I'm driving out.
You know, to the real scary thing.
Driving down the fucking street.
And I literally pull out.
I make a right turn.
And I don't drive more than 40 yards.
And I just see this fucking guy.
This old guy takes the turn to come on the little two-lane highway that I'm on.
He's on the opposite side of the road.
And he, like, he went too fast.
And on, like, a motorcycle, you can't just turn the front wheel.
You're going to go down on a scooter.
You know what I mean?
You've got to kind of look your way through the turn and lean.
And your momentum, you know, you're supposed to look through the fucking turn.
He was going too fast.
And he went into the fucking island in the middle.
Bell.
He fucking, he jumped the fucking curb.
The whole fucking scooter went up in the back.
And he high-sided, right?
He just gets launched off this fucking thing.
And he's rolling down the street like a fucking log.
Why are you laughing so hard?
Because people falling down is fucking hilarious.
He was fine.
He didn't break anything.
He just knocked himself out.
He's a little concussed.
And then he wasn't wearing a shield.
And in the end, he just sort of, he was sliding on his face.
So I'm going, oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
As I'm watching it.
And I fucking pull over.
No, I made sure everybody stopped.
And I got out.
I was like, dude, dude, all right, just stay there.
You're all right.
You're all right.
And he was like, he wasn't saying anything.
And he has fucking raspberry on his face.
His pants were torn up.
He literally got fucking attacked by a wild animal.
And he's fucking laying.
I feel terrible that this happened to him.
But it's just afterwards, it's just funny.
And he was laying there, right?
And like one of his legs, he had like up, like he was chilling.
And the other one was just straight out like that.
He was just like, and he was like coming around.
And I was like, all right, man, I called 911.
You're fine.
You're fine.
And then this lady shows up.
And she just kept going, don't move.
Don't move.
Okay.
You're okay.
Just don't move.
Okay.
And she kept going, okay.
And it started annoying me.
And I almost started laughing.
Like, I want to be like, lady, like the way you're talking is probably worse
than what the fuck he's feeling right now.
So by then, you know, like five or six people had stopped.
Everybody called.
So this ambulance shows up.
I'm like, okay, thank God.
And now he wants to get up.
We just kept telling him not to get up.
And, um, the ambulance pulls up and he just goes, uh, he goes, is he all right?
Is he all right?
You're like, yeah, yeah.
He seems to be okay.
You know, we're not fucking doctors, but he seems to be okay.
And he goes, all right, just tell him not to move.
I already have someone on this ambulance.
There's another one coming.
And then he gets the ambulance and drives away.
Yeah.
And then we're looking down the street and we don't see any ambulance coming.
We're like, what the fuck?
And, um, finally one, uh, a cop finally came up and this guy was fucking priceless.
He gets out, right?
Fucking horseshoe bald guy, right?
He's got the whole landing strip.
He just comes out looking like Sergeant Riker from the rookies for anybody's
old.
And he fucking just comes walking.
He looked like the guy from NYPD blue.
The old guy showed his ass with the mustache minus the mustache.
He just comes walking up and he just walks right up to the guy.
Dennis Franz.
Yeah.
He just walks up like his toes are almost touching the guy's body.
And he just looks down at him.
He goes, you all right?
And the guy at that point is going like, yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
And he goes, all right.
All right.
The ambulance is going to be coming.
Like he just, his level of just like, I don't know.
He must see like people would be on fire every day.
So this guy, he just sees a scooter and this guy fucked up.
He's just like, yeah, yeah.
All right.
He also seemed way too old to still be in a patrol car.
So I think he fucked up somehow and got busted down or maybe he was on his way
to some senior police fucking banquet or some shit.
And he's just like, I'm driving the cruiser.
They know I'm a cop.
I have to stop.
So once that was fine, it was funny.
Then we're just standing there waiting for the ambulance.
But, you know, we got to get on with that day.
And, uh, me and there was this tall, older black dude standing there and he's
just like, he's like, ah, man, they're here.
And I was like, yeah, yeah, they're here.
And we just, we both got in our car and fucking drove away.
And, uh, it was really, you know, it wasn't too bad.
I mean, it wasn't too gory a scene.
It was just a couple of raspberries and stuff.
Well, I'm glad he didn't have a more serious injury.
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
But it wasn't until I got on the highway and I started driving and I started
thinking about it and I just started laughing.
I think it was just more the surprise that you saw it.
But there is just something.
Just watching somebody get fucked up like that.
I remember the time I was in Griffith Park and that dude came down the hill in
street clothes on a skateboard.
He went down that fucking hill.
What?
Are you serious?
Dude, this kid was.
Were you hike up to the observatory?
Somebody was going down on a skateboard?
Yeah.
So I was just north of where the Greek theater was and this guy just went, yeah,
went flying by in this thing.
And I was just like, oh, my God, that guy is the shit like and I'm thinking
like, well, how's he going to stop?
Because this is just downhill to get into traffic.
And all of a sudden his legs start doing that wobbly fucking thing.
And I'm like, no fucking way.
And I'm telling you, this guy was going like fucking 30 miles an hour that he
just steps off the skateboard.
You always do that either one or two steps and then you're done.
He was going so fast.
He did like one step and it was like, who's that guy who fucking jumped 30 feet
in 1969?
Nobody ever broke it.
He fucking head first.
Yeah.
And flying.
It was like the greatest stunt I ever saw.
And he landed too.
And he started rolling.
When I tell you this guy, this guy was rolling so fast.
He was like a blur.
Or he's like, he would go like, hit like his elbow, which would shoot him in
the air.
And then the best is when you're not going fast enough to keep rolling.
And then you just slide in the sand like all the way down the thing.
And I was just like, and the skateboard kept going.
And he was just not moving.
And I was going like, oh, my God.
And he was so, he started wiping out like 50 yards away from me.
And I swear to God, it was a quarter mile walk to get where the fuck he stopped.
And he was just laying in the road, not moving.
Like, I was like, I think this guy is fucking dead.
He had no helmet on.
He had street clothes on.
He looked like he just came back from drinking.
And he just, he had like this Harrison Ford, like brown leather jacket.
He just fucking launched himself.
So I get up, so I'm getting close to it.
At this point, he's trying to sit up.
He knows he's laying in the middle of the road.
And I finally see his skateboard hit the curb on the other side and bounced
into a parked car.
And then he like, like crawled.
He tried to stand up and he couldn't put any weight on his leg.
And he crawled, he crawled over and sat down.
And by then I knew he was all right.
So I was already starting to laugh.
So I was just going like, dude, dude, doing that dude while laughing.
I go, you all right?
He goes, he's like, yeah, bro, what the fuck, man?
I was just going.
And at that point, I'm trying not to laugh.
I was just like, dude, I go, that was fucking, that was fucking hardcore, man.
I've never seen a wipeout like that.
If I was filming that fucking thing, dude, it was the most fucking, it was the
greatest log roll.
Whatever the fuck you call that thing.
That dude was just.
I never seen it.
I can't believe his shoes stayed on.
Like, you know, your shoes always fly off whenever you get hit real hard.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Tremendous.
Fucking tremendous.
And it's just as much as you feel for the person, there's just nothing funnier
than watching
somebody fucking wipe out if they don't die and you don't know them, right?
God, God, help me, man.