Name: Bill Burr - Psycho Girlfriend
Uploaded: 2016-04-05T01:03:50.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Psycho Girlfriend' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-04-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Psycho Girlfriend' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-04-05. Transcript available.

- Psycho girlfriend.
All right, psycho girlfriend, where am I?
Okay, so my girlfriend and I have been together
for about five years, and lately I've been feeling
the get-engaged pressure from her family.
Well, yeah, I'm 23 and she's 21.
All right, let me rephrase that.
Well, no, I thought you guys were older.
We've been together since high school,
and I haven't experienced much else besides, of course,
the young middle school tug job girlfriends.
I'm afraid of someday regretting missing out on meeting
a ton of different girls like all my buddies have been.
I mean, you're only young once, right?
My girlfriend flips out on me about watching porn
because I'm thinking about other girls
and she acts like I'm cheating on her,
and half the time when we're out,
she thinks I'm checking out other girls,
'cause you probably are, dude, because you want to,
'cause you want to break up with her, is what I'm guessing.
She's a drop-dead gorgeous girl,
so I don't get what she's so insecure about,
but like I said, she's crazy.
She gets abusive with me,
and I just kind of sit there and take it all the time.
She's Latina, by the way, Honduran and Nicaraguan.
She's got that wild temper.
All right, now is that considered racist to say
that Latina chicks are a little crazier than what?
Unlike what, pasty, drunken Irish chicks?
Oh yeah, they're always so even keeled.
When I asked for space, I woke up the next day,
and my car was keyed.
She claimed she had nothing to do with it.
I love the girl, she's all I've ever known,
and she's amazing most of the time,
but I'm not sure if I can live like this forever
with her temper and her jealousy.
What would you do?
Anyways, love the podcast.
Thanks for the advice, and go fuck yourself.
PS, good luck with the home gym.
Everybody knows you got no business in a regular gym.
Ah, go fuck yourself.
I got no business in a regular gym.
Oh, and you do what you're sitting here,
and you're a fucking god damn, you know something?
I actually had fucking, I actually had sympathy for you,
and I was gonna give you some good advice.
You know what?
Go fuck yourself.
You know what your problem is in this thing?
You know, you're just, you're young.
I'm not gonna be a dick to you, okay?
'Cause you're young.
This is the deal, all right?
You got yourself a hot girl, all right?
And you didn't know how to set up the relationship.
She fucking rolled all over you.
You're asking what I do in your situation?
If I was 23, I'd be doing what you were doing.
I'd be staying in the relationship,
wanting to get out and dealing with this bullshit.
But I can tell you this right now.
Her looks aren't always gonna be there,
but she's always gonna have keys.
You know what I mean?
So that's what you're signing up for.
The looks go out the fucking window.
You're marrying the fucking person.
And if this fucking lunatic, every time, you know,
God forbid your mailman is a fucking woman
who's younger than her at that point, you know?
I don't know.
I don't know.
It was too wishy-washy.
I can't tell whether you fucking wanna be in it or not,
but I can tell you this right now.
Um, any woman keys your car, that's it.
It's fucking over.
Okay?
That is the level of being a complete fucking psycho,
a complete disrespect for your own property,
and a sign that when she was a child, she was never told no.
The fact that you would go out and do something like that.
Yeah, I don't know.
It sounds to me like you wanna go fucking get some notches on your belt,
and you're afraid that if you do and you break up with this girl,
that she's gonna fucking stab you.
Um, I don't know.
I got claustrophobic reading it, if that means anything, but I'm a fucking lunatic.