Name: Bill Burr - Sciatica / Losing Health Insurance
Uploaded: 2016-05-02T19:40:57.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Sciatica / Losing Health Insurance' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-05-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Sciatica / Losing Health Insurance' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-05-02. Transcript available.

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the monday morning podcast
for monday may
2nd 2016 and i know i always make that joke like oh my god where is the year
going but
seriously guys seriously where the fuck is this year going what the fuck may 2nd
already
may fucking 2nd we're getting ready for the summer um into may i'm psyched i'm
psyched that
we're into may because may means we're closer to the middle of july and in the
middle of the
of july i will be done writing you know helping to write the second season of
uh f is for family
and then i'm free not really but sort of and uh i'll have two weeks off and
then old freckles
rumor has it is going to be doing uh doing a nice run through europe so uh
which might may or may not
start in uh ireland um it's all uh sort of loose at this point but uh we're slugging
it out and um
i'm actually feeling much better by the way thank you for not asking with my
sciatica sciatica that
sounds like a speed metal band you know not a good one though right come see my
band sciatica we're
gonna be down at uh the ground round on uh wednesday night okay yeah i'll
definitely see it all right
so like you think maybe you could like bring some people hey you know i'm gonna
do what i can all
right so is that like okay definitely put you down dude off i'll if i get there
i'll get there all
right bro chill um sciatica um sorry i actually i got some i found some new
stretches i found this
guy on uh on youtube this doctor who was just sitting on a yoga mat one of
these new agey guys
you know what i mean one of those guys that's like straight but still makes you
uncomfortable
you know those you know those straight guys like a straight up gay guy is not
uncomfortable to be
around but there's a certain kind of straight guy that's coming off like he's
gay but he's straight
that is the most uncomfortable male to be around i don't know why you know what
i mean it's almost
like they got something between their teeth and you just can't even hear what
the they're saying
you want to be like can you just go and get that the out of here so i can
listen to you
is there a word for that the gay straight guy um yeah bill it's called the gay
guy in claw and in
the closet well maybe it isn't some some guys are just uh some guys are just
effeminate
some guys just stand there in gym classes one person after another
is called to be on the team that's a stereotype right there's gay athletes
there was that guy who
played on uh the big 12 there in missouri and then he went to uh that football
team and then he got
cut it must have been hard to cut him right all right how bad does this guy
have to suck before we
won't get accused of being homophobic when we cut him you know that's always in
the air but that's
not what i wanted to talk about i'm here to talk about sciatica at the worcester
centrum
um turns out my hamstring was up so i was doing like the uh touch your toe
stretches which is the
exact opposite thing that you want to do because the nerve is like pinched or
inflamed and you're
just like you're it you're you're not stretching it or whatever i guess you
stretch the muscles really
so whatever and usually i don't know stretches around the nerve i have no idea
i never even heard
of this thing until uh i had this problem and god knows i didn't take any
anatomy classes
so um i think when you don't have a nerve issue you can then do that bend
because what you're
stretching really is just your muscle your muscle fiber the muscle tissue um
and the nerves are just sort of chilling around it but when it gets pinched
between the the
interior crucial ligament of the lower vertebrae tailbone whatever the it is
all i
know is like fucking pulling a balloon um uninflated balloon i i have no
analogy i don't know
what all i know is it hurts so i put this guy on this hippie guy and he was
just like yeah man what
you actually want to do is you don't there there's certain stretches that you
want to do and there's
certain stretches that you don't want to do and you know we're in an age right
now and it's i'm so
fucking impatient i was trying to skip ahead but i just had to sit there you
know everything i could do
just to get through a nine minute video it's only nine minutes out of my day
but there's like a flat
screen tv with nba and nhl playoffs going on i got other videos i can click on
you know as i'm sitting
there trying to listen to this guy i'm also looking at all the videos on the
right you know there's free
porn there's all kinds of and this guy is just sitting there going you know
okay good good stretch
that you want to do is is actually if you just sit down on your buttocks make
sure your weight
is on your your pelvic bones and i was just it was driving me insane but
whatever i ended up doing the
stretches and i and i definitely feel better so um thanks to that guy whatever
his name is and i will
definitely be posting those in case anybody else has that problem if you're
just sitting down in a
chair and like your feet go numb and shit you could possibly have what i have
or you got a big dog sitting in your lap one or the other i have no fucking
idea but i'm just
happy that it uh that it feels better and um i gotta tell you all these fucking
aches and pains
that i'm having i i knew this a long time ago there's nothing better than
stretching now that i've gone out
and i bought all this rogue fitness um you know to lift weights and all the
atomic grips and all that
to do the uh ninja warrior stuff like the best thing i could be doing all that
is that's
all gonna be great provided i stretch but um i don't know i wish i knew way way
way way back in
the day to stretch there was no stretching in the 80s you went to gold's gym
you just did the old you
know you did the stretch you did before you started lifting in gold's gym back
in the 80s do you remember
fucking chevy chase when he's about ready to jump in the pool with christy brinkley
when he's when he's
going this is crazy this is crazy this is crazy you know he's moving his
fucking that's what you did you
did a couple of those and then you did like you stuck your arm to the side and
you did those
fucking you know touch your left hand to your right toe and up and down you
know one two fucking
those military things one two three four i love marine corps you're doing that
right without
stretching and then you would just fucking work out i fucked up myself so much
fucked up my tricep i tore a
pec you know you know it's funny all of this shit's gonna come back to haunt me
the next time i lose my
fucking uh health insurance if someone just listen to this podcast and list
everything that i'm talking
about as some sort of pre-existing condition um you know you're probably going
oh bill you're doing
well how do you keep losing your health insurance well because you do an acting
gig they pay you one
time and then they start sending your residual checks for like a dollar 35 and
you have to make
10 grand a year minimal to keep your uh every single year you got to make it
you got to make that or
something like that to keep your fucking sag after fucking health insurance and
uh you know if one
year goes by and you're writing a show rather than being on the show you
fucking lose your uh you end up
lose i mean i do anyways i haven't done enough uh you know i haven't done
enough acting work i guess
you know you'd think with 58 fast and furious 47 friday the 13th you'd think i
could catch on enough
to make 10 grand a year you know what i'm blaming the after sag health health
insurance i think i gotta
take this one i gotta take this one myself i gotta look myself in the mirror
and be like you know what
bill it's your goddamn fault it's your own fault why don't you just go out and
get blue cross blue shield
that's what i should do and i should just walk away from sag after right i don't
know i'm a big advocate
of that you know looking yourself in the mirror and being like all right you up
as opposed to being
like you know the world is unfair which everybody knows it is right but if you
say all right i
up that it actually gives you an option to be okay what what can i do to lessen
the up because
i know i'm gonna fuck up again you know like if you're like caitlin jenna right
now rather than
fucking filming yourself taking a piss in trump's tower you know why don't you
just look yourself
in the mirror and be like all right how did i fuck this up you know for the
first 66 years of my life
i had a definitive bathroom to go into there wasn't any questions nor did i
have to film myself and then
afterwards say i didn't molest anybody what has happened to that person you
know that that that
that person has absolutely lost their fucking mind who's walking around filming
themselves
taking a piss and then talking about child molesters and i know what people
would say oh you can't have
these fucking uh former guys with boobs now they have you know you know they're
transitioning people
you they're gonna fucking molest somebody blah blah blah blah i know that that's
what that whole
fucking thing was supposed to be about but you know i don't know that just came
off to me as shameless
self-promotion i don't have anything against transgendered people but that's
fucking dingbat
it's funny yeah dingbat is the proper word because you know she identifies with
the female sex so i
think dingbat now works as opposed to douchebag see i kept the d i went i went
alliteration ice can never
fully you know what i i would never call bruce a douchebag because he was on
the wheaties box you know
i don't know about this caitlin though that's the jury's still out oh bruce did
kill somebody
you know accidentally caitlin has yet to accidentally kill somebody so you know
there's a lot of math to be
done you know what i strike all that i think i think uh she was right to film
herself peeing in a skyscraper
you know whenever i see a video like that i always wonder if people who are
truly suffering around the
world if they ever get access to a laptop and just somehow that comes up on
their fucking youtube page
you know what i mean they're just living like in like those people that in like
brazil that live in
those fucking trash heaps if somehow they see fucking caitlin jenner walking
around acting like a victim
you know wearing shoes that they probably sewed together at three o'clock in
the morning
oh i know i know i know you're supposed to care about everything um i don't i
don't give a
fuck you know what i give a shit about right now sciatica coming to the providence
oh it's the worcester providence civic center worcester civic center no
ah fuck i can't even remember that's all i give a about i give a about um
i don't know being able to reach down and pick up a dirty sock
without having a bolt of lightning go down the back of my leg that would be
nice right
maybe i'm transitioning i'm transitioning into a old man right before my very
eyes