Name: Bill Burr - Trump & Cruz
Uploaded: 2016-05-05T22:15:30.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Trump & Cruz' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-05-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Trump & Cruz' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-05-05. Transcript available.

I have to I have to think what were the fucking odds that Donald Trump was
going to secure
the Republican whatever the Republican National Convention Party whatever they
call them there
be the presidential nominee for that fucking party do you understand that Ted
Cruz
throwing in the towel everybody said he elbowed his wife he didn't
okay she was third man in I tweeted about this if you look what happened he hugged
her first right
and then he went in for the man hug and then she you know according to the NHL
rule of third man in
if there's if there's an altercation already happening and a third party enters
it it's
an automatic game misconduct so she should have got a game misconduct right if
she's done that
before in the past you know maybe she should get a suspension I'll tell you
what's fucking hilarious
she hung in there like a trooper she took knuckled and a couple of fucking
elbows she looked like she
was trying to stop one of those little kiddie merry-go-rounds with their head
you know just kept
taking a fucking bar to the skull um he didn't he then did include her I
thought it was weird that
she wanted to hug with those two men um I don't know much about Ted Cruz but I
think uh I don't know
I felt a weird sort of rotisserie vibe there from his wife that I think already
occurred you know
they were probably hugging saying all right we're gonna do this let's do it now
okay I told you
I couldn't do it you know I'm running for president I don't need that ship and
now it's over and I'm
just a senator now so yeah you know I'll be on the other end while you're
fucking my wife
however blow me a little bit you know I don't give a shit you know just just
push this bill through
isn't that how uh politics work I have no idea let's get back to what I was
talking about so fucking
what's his name there fucking uh Willie Wiffle there the fucking guy with the
toupee
comes back and around again right Donald Trump
I just want the American people to know that by giving him that fucking
position
in politics you just cleared the way for Hillary Clinton to become president
and I don't want to hear a fucking word out of any you Republicans not a
fucking word
this is the guy you picked you got no one to blame but yourselves
the only thing I do like about Donald Trump Trump actually being nominated is
it makes me feel like
it makes my conspiracy theory like go down like there's no way they don't count
the votes if that
guy got in I used to think they just pretended to count the votes and then they
just stuck this
like nobody wants that fucking guy yet I know some of the most staunch
Republicans you could possibly
fucking run into and they have their head in their hands going how the fuck
how the fuck did this guy become president and that's that's easy that's easy
all you have to do
is look at pop music you just look at the shit that sells on tv
bunch of whores screaming and yelling at each other you know what I mean it's
inevitable
I have to be honest with you I cannot fucking believe that this guy
he's a he's a fucking star of a reality show
this is worse than when Schwarzenegger ran fucking California this is fucking
oh my god it's it's just unbelievable
it's un-fucking-believable
maybe oh am I gonna do this right now am I gonna fucking retract again maybe I'm
wrong
I'm sorry I I shouldn't have said that Donald Trump's a great you know he's a
great uh
it's a great choice out of all the Americans out there that you could have
picked you know I mean
yeah let's have Donald Trump against Hillary Clinton and fucking uh Barry
Sanders coming up around the
outside what the fuck's his name not Larry Sanders Bernie Sanders um
ah what are you gonna do
this is just gonna be a brutal eight years