Name: Bill Burr - Sports: Blues v Sharks/ Cavs Fans / Cubs
Uploaded: 2016-05-24T15:07:52.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Sports: Blues v Sharks/ Cavs Fans / Cubs' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-05-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Sports: Blues v Sharks/ Cavs Fans / Cubs' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-05-24. Transcript available.

By the way, did anybody watch Game 4 of the St. Louis?
Louis, meet me at the fair.
They gave the fucking Sharks the old right there, Fred.
I'm not going to lie to you.
As a complete bandwagon fan, this is one of the biggest examples of bandwagon
fan shit you'll ever see,
is me becoming a Blues fan.
You know, just picking a team, right?
And after they lost Game 2 and Game 3 and how great the Sharks looked,
I was just like, I was talking to my buddy going like,
these guys look like they're dialed in.
I think the Sharks are going to win the whole fucking thing.
And this has just been such a weird series.
Like Game 2, 3, and 4, you know, like Sharks dominated 2 and 3,
and then it's like they didn't even fucking show up.
It's like the Blues didn't even show up, Games 2 and 3.
And I'm thinking like, ah, the Sharks got them figured out.
They're going to make quick work of them.
And then the Blues show up.
Last night, it was like fucking Game 2 and 3 never happened.
So I can't figure it out.
Somebody on Twitter sent me something saying these games have sucked
because they've been so one-sided.
And I wouldn't argue.
I wouldn't argue that.
They haven't been actually the most compelling games.
They've just been like three out of four games.
It's just been a little fucking kick to the balls there.
So we'll see.
We'll see.
I actually have no fucking clue anymore.
I thought after 2 and 3, I was like, not only are the Sharks going to beat the
Blues,
they're going to win the whole fucking thing because I'm not impressed with –
I mean, I like the Lightning, but they lost their fucking goaltender,
and I thought that they were done.
I thought they were fucking done.
And now all of a sudden, you know, the fucking Penguins won two in a row and
then fucking Tampa Cans.
Oh, Jesus.
They're both 2-2.
I swear to God, if I didn't know better, that fucking piece of shit David Stern
is running the goddamn NHL right now.
It seems like he wants both of the series to go seven games so everybody makes
their fucking money.
Right?
They would never do something like that.
What are they, the NFL?
Oh, Jesus.
I'm being such a cunt.
Such a goddamn cunt.
And I'm sort of paying attention to the basketball.
I just don't have time.
And I was really hoping that the Cleveland Cavaliers were going to go 16-0 and
win a title on two different levels.
One, Cleveland would win a title, and all those sad, sad Cleveland fans could
quit with their stupid basset hound faces.
You know what I mean?
Cleveland fans are so fucking sad, and so many people just don't even give a
shit.
I mean, they just have the loneliest look on their face.
At least when Boston couldn't win a World Series, New York had the decency to
give a fuck enough to trash us,
which was always funny to me when you really thought about it.
It's like, why are you wasting your time?
They were like Walmart getting mad at the one mom-and-pop store up the fucking
street because we were also trying to sell rakes, right?
Like, why do you give a shit?
But no one cares about, I don't know, Ohio.
It's amazing the amount of musicians, fighters, football coaches, entertainers.
The list of famous people from Ohio might be the most impressive out of all the
50 states.
And they don't get any respect.
But you go out there, it's just, I don't know, it's just kind of boring.
It's a boring-ass state to fucking drive through.
I don't know, but they're nice people.
But I don't know if I have sympathy for Cleveland fans.
As much as they love Cleveland, it's like, yeah, well, why don't you live there?
Nobody lives there.
It's like a fucking ghost town.
I guess gradually it's coming back.
You know, who gives a fuck?
I just like shitting on people.
Anyway, so I wanted to see them go 16-0 because it would be great to see LeBron
come back.
You know, after all the Cleveland fans were burning his jersey when he left.
You know, I always, that is just the stupidest fucking thing ever, just to go
out and burn somebody's jersey as the news cameras are filming you.
It's like, how fucking old are you?
Are you really this emotionally invested in your fucking team?
I mean, I love sports as much as anybody.
I remember when What's-His-Face left, Ray Allen went to the Heat and all these
Celtics fans were mad.
It's like, dude, that's how we got him.
You know, he started with the Bucs and then he, once there's somebody, a player's
a free agent, don't ever give your heart to the person.
I'm telling you.
You can't go 100% in because they, you know, they got that fucking, they got
that wandering eye.
Sometimes they stay like Big Papi, but most times, you know, they come, they
come through town, they pile on the team, they win a championship, they start
acting like they're fucking Magic Johnson and the Lakers or some shit.
Larry Bird, you know, when they're really just, you know, they're window
shopping throughout the fucking league.
But anyways, one of the cool things, if they actually went 16-0, it would be so
fucked up that the Golden State Warriors, right?
I'm assuming they make it to the finals, would go 73-9, beating the 96 Bulls
and having the greatest regular season of all time and then losing the
championship game.
To me, would have been, you know, it's like the fucking 2008 Patriots.
It's like they went 16-0 and like, I don't, nobody gives a fuck.
Nobody's ever going to give a fuck about that because all 16-0 does is, well,
they would see, did they win this next thing?
Did they run the table?
No.
And then they lost the last one.
You know something, actually having lived through that, why would I root for
that for Golden State?
I don't know.
You know what it is?
There's something about LeBron that I actually feel bad about the guy.
I feel bad for the guy.
I don't know what it is.
You know?
He never seems to be on strong footing with the crowd.
They always seem to somehow not like the guy.
And he's out there like Superman every night.
Who's getting who?
He brought it on.
His agent brought it on him with that stupid fucking press conference.
You know?
Doing his whole fucking life story.
And then he just, I decided to take my talents to South Beach.
He didn't even say, he didn't even say Miami.
That was one of the worst worded fucking statements ever.
I've decided to take my talents to South Beach.
It's like, you're going to leave these pound puppy looking sad sacks in
Cleveland, freezing their fucking balls off.
You're going to talk about your talent.
And then you're telling them that you're going to the beach.
You know what?
I don't feel bad for him.
I don't know.
I really like LeBron.
So I would like to see LeBron win one in Cleveland.
It's great.
He gets it for the city.
But when he does win it, if he does, I will really miss seeing those sad, sad
Cleveland fans.
They're just funny to me.
I don't know what it is about him.
I don't feel bad for him.
And when they complain, I just laugh.
I usually have empathy.
That's just something about him.
I don't.
It's like Cubs fans.
Some of them out there are still mad at me for that time when I said the White
Sox fans were real fans.
And I was just taking a stab in the dark.
I was just fucking around because this guy was talking about when the Bears
beat the fuck out of the Patriots in the Super Bowl.
So I just did the oldest trick in the book.
I just went divide and conquer.
And I just said that White Sox fans were better than Cubs fans.
And it worked.
You know what I mean?
Years later, somebody's going, oh, you know, they're in first place, but they
have the fucking one of the worst attendances in the league.
It's like, oh, whatever.
Just go to your stupid game and take your fucking shirt off and act like you're
in the big chill.
Anyways.
The Cubs actually win it.
That's that's that's the Theo Epstein fucking saga.
You know what I mean?
Like what happened to the Red Sox after 2004 was then all of a sudden it was
like, you know, when your favorite band is just, you know, moving up the ladder.
Right.
They're like gradually, you know, you know, they're playing clubs, local areas
and they start going a little national and then they play bigger and then they
get all the way up to their best selling album ever.
And what always happens when a band that's been together for fucking 10 years,
they make it to the mountaintop.
What happens?
The whole thing implodes.
Everybody goes their separate ways.
Next thing you know, fucking David Lee Roth is singing just a gigolo.
Right.
And Van Halen is singing about dreams with the fucking Blue Angels.
Whatever happened.
I don't remember.
I tried to block it out.
I was that fucking crushed me when they when they broke up.
He was the perfect front man for that fucking band.
I love Sammy Hagar and everything.
Come on.
Anyways, you guys are going to kill me, but I completely forget what I was
fucking talking about.
What the fuck was my point?
I literally have to sway me scroll back up.
What the fuck was I just talking about?
Oh, Theo Epstein.
Jesus Christ.
Theo Epstein.
After like 2004, I think everybody wanted the credit.
I think the fucking ownership was like, no, we're the reason the 86 year curse
ended.
Theo's like, oh, what about me?
And then there was that weird thing where he kind of went.
He like left for like a week.
And I remember thinking like, fuck.
Why couldn't they just get along?
Here we go again.
And then he came back.
And then I don't know when everything imploded, whenever the fuck it did, he
ends up leaving.
He goes to the Cubs.
I thought he left and decided to stay for a couple of years.
I might be wrong.
But he went with the Cubs.
And I think that that was his ego thing.
And then the Red Sox won it in 07 and in 2013, I believe.
And that was our fuck you, Theo.
We can do it without you.
So now I think for his ego, he's trying to become the guy who ended the curse
of the babe and the curse of the goat.
And if he does that, I mean, you'd have to say he's one of the greatest,
whatever the fuck his position is.
Is that a GM?
I don't know what he is.
Curse of the goat is so fucking stupid.
You know what I mean?
Get your livestock off of the fucking field.
Curse of the babe was dumb enough.
It's just like, no, we made a bad fucking move.
We're not a good franchise.
And we weren't a good franchise.
We didn't make good decisions.
The Yawkees, God bless them, did not make good decisions.
The guy was a major fucking racist and just refused until the last.
I think we were the last team to finally admit, you know, I guess people from
other races are worthy of looking at.
And by then, we, even then, I mean, we suck when it was just all white people.
I mean, I don't know.
What are you going to do?