Name: Bill Burr - European Tour 2016
Uploaded: 2016-07-08T13:27:30.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - European Tour 2016' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-07-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - European Tour 2016' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-07-08. Transcript available.

All right, so once again, my European tour, ba-doop-boop-boop, my European
motherfucking
fucking tour, I am going to fucking, I am so excited about this tour, all right,
I'm
so excited, I love going to Europe, I love being everything that they want me
to be,
okay, I'm sorry, I'm not going to be fat on this one, because I've been hitting
the elliptical
there, but I am going to be, I'm going to go over there, right, and I'm going
to talk
to them about the finer points of Donald Trump, that's what I want to do,
especially in Scotland
where they had the nerve to call our fucking orange-headed cunt a fucking
orange-headed
cunt, you got a lot of fucking nerve, Scotland, calling an orange-headed cunt
an orange-headed
cunt, I mean, why don't you look around your country, there's plenty of orange-headed
cunts
there, all right, we have very few here, every once in a while, they run for
president,
when they're in between seasons of their reality show, okay, and what's great
about
our country is everybody truly does get a chance, unlike your countries, I have
no fucking
idea what's going on over there, evidently England decided to not be part of
the European
Union, is that what happened, I love how, like, as an American, I'm supposed to
know this
shit, a union that I'm not into, I understand what's going on over there, the
banks are
sewing up all your fucking countries, it's like when you fucking buy a co-op,
you know,
versus a condo, you buy a condo, the person next to you can be a fucking junkie,
who gives
a shit, you still got your condo, but if you're in a co-op, playoffs, if you're
in a co-op,
this is the deal, what you're, you're not buying an apartment, what you're
doing is you're buying
shares in the building, but now you're tied in with the whole building, so
basically, if your neighbors,
enough of your neighbors go bankrupt, and the whole, the whole building goes
under, you lose your
shares, and you either have to move out of your apartment, or you go back to
renting it, and you're
like, wait a minute, I thought I bought it, no, no, no, sir, you bought shares
in the building,
you paid your way, but these other cunts didn't, and because they didn't, you
go down to the bottom
of the lagoon with them, that to me is what the European Union is, right, and
that's what banks
want, right, and they just fucking bankrupt them, and I don't know what the
fuck they do, they play
that little fucking game, they buy low, and then they fucking go high, and they
pull the money out,
and everybody falls in their fucking ass, and then they got another castle, you
know, I think that
that's how the economy works, right, and it's all run by shapeshifters, okay,
just shit like that, you know what I mean, especially when I'm in London, and
those stupid
fucking critics show up, ugh, those fucking guys, critics are the fucking worst,
there's nothing
you can do, there's no show that you can have that they're not going to rip the
shit out of,
and it's just fucking hilarious to me, it's like, I don't need critics, all
right, if I wanted
to feel bad about having a good show, I'd just call my mom, I don't fucking
need you
to be doing her job, you, all right, whatever, all right, July 31st, everybody,
Dublin, Ireland,
all right, then August 1st, I'm in Belfast, I've never been there, Belfast,
Ireland, the fuck
is this Belfast, UK, all right, it's Ireland, I think it's about time England
got the fuck
out of there, um, can you imagine saying that as Americans, seriously, you know,
as we're
putting up cheesecake factories in the Middle East, all right, August 1st, Belfast,
UK,
um, August 2nd, I'm in Galway, Ireland, uh, which is way out on the West Coast,
and evidently
the closest airport is like a fucking hour away from it, so I don't understand
what this
is, this is, seems like, should I ruin it and actually fucking Google some
pictures of
it, Galway, Ireland, let's see what we got here, oh my god, Jesus Christ, I
knew it, I
knew, this is gonna be one of these fucking, uh, Witches of Warlock, one of
those fucking
movies type cities, Harry Potter, look at this fucking place, oh my god, I'm
only spending
a day there, wow, look at the fucking castles, holy shit, now I'm gonna drive
in there, do
the show, and then I gotta drive right back, so I can make my flight, where the
fuck am
I going, did I fuck it up, where am I going next, all right, I go to, uh, oh,
then I fly
to, uh, Bristol, uh, England, and then Manchester, England, the, uh, sober,
sophisticated Manchester,
I'm thinking that's gonna be a nice, mellow crowd, fucking lunatics, uh,
that's what I'm anticipating in Manchester, I, I'm anticipating they're gonna
be a bunch
of fucking lunatics, which is, uh, which is fine by me, I, uh, I grew up in
Massachusetts,
you know, um, London, England, August 5th and August 6th, with the Cunty Critics,
uh, August
7th, I'll be in Amsterdam, and then August 8th, I will be in Edinburgh, uh, for
two shows,
all right, so we got a late show too, okay, um, then I got a couple days off,
where I'll
be hanging out with other orange-headed cunts like myself, and then August 11th,
I'm in Germany,
Cologne, Germany, body wash Germany, then August 12th, I'm in Antwerp, Belgium,
oh, look at
this, August 27th, I'm in Reno, Reno, Nevada, Reno, Nevada, and at that point,
we will be,
only a couple of months away, from that fucking kitchen TV, square-headed,
fucking safe,
crazy-eyed, smiling psycho, from becoming the next fucking president of the
United States,
oh, that's gonna be a rough one, watching all these ladies saying how fucking,
what an important
day it is for women, I guess it will be, because a woman will be elected
president, this is just
my prediction here, all right, but, uh, Jesus Christ, couldn't we have gotten
one that didn't
have 58 pending fucking felonies, that's not a red flag to anybody, you know, I
don't know,
what are you gonna do, those are our choices, I don't know why, a fucking
maniac who, uh, you
know, doesn't know how to use email properly, you know, sending out secrets to
her friends,
um, and then some fucking guy who's, uh, I don't know, who really should just
be a carnival
barker, I feel like Trump should just be standing next to some impossible game
to win, talking
about how it's the greatest game ever, you know, as he hits on underage chicks,
um, I don't know,
that's just, that's just the opinions of somebody who, uh, can't pronounce
words while he reads
out loud, what do you, what do you say there, Cleo?