Name: Bill Burr - Advice: Ex-Wife Wants Me To Adopt Ex's Son
Uploaded: 2016-07-11T08:45:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: Ex-Wife Wants Me To Adopt Ex's Son' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-07-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: Ex-Wife Wants Me To Adopt Ex's Son' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-07-11. Transcript available.

all right um ex-wife wants me to adopt ex's son hey there bill burlington cunt
factory i usually
laugh at some of the poor schmucks who write into your into you asking the
advice today i'm that
schmuck i won't go into every little detail about this in hopes you can give me
some advice
a few years ago i married my soon-to-be ex-wife dude i was so fucking thinking
about
that woman ruining your apartment and how they can just get away with that let
me let me i wasn't
even paying attention read this again today i'm the schmuck okay i i won't go
into every detail
all right a few years ago i married my soon-to-be ex-wife along with the
marriage came her two-year-old
son his biological father is a deadbeat who didn't hold down a job and avoids
child support
he has never had any contact with the son wow all right so i did the most manly
thing that one can do
besides going to community college i put on my big boy pants and i took her son
in as my own
he calls me dad and whatnot we bonded i really care for the kid the first few
years of marriage of
my wife were great which ended up leading us to having our very own daughter
and then my wife turned
into a whore oh god what happened oh uh so we're going through the divorce and
i still pick both
kids up even though i'm legally responsible for one i carry her and her son on
my insurance to this day
maybe against my better judgment but i'd like to give her some time to get her
shit together until i drop her off
drop her off of it complete drop her out of it i think i'm going to say
completely
well the finalization of the divorce papers is in august the soon-to-be ex-mother-in-law
keeps insisting that i legally adopt her grandson no don't do that
now here's the thing i send a very gracious amount in support payments bi-weekly
um we choose to not go through the court system because my ex sees that i'm a
good father and
still take responsibility of her son keep it like that i flat out said no i'm
not legally adopting him
yeah your fucking mother-in-law does not want you to legally adopt him because
she thinks you're a good
father okay she's looking at you like an atm machine like a lot of women do
with men which
once again you can't fucking say that despite the 10 million fucking examples
of it it's considered
sexist all right one wrong move and now the court system has me by the balls
for support for two legal
uh children what what happened yeah yes it flat out yeah he said in flat out no
because one wrong move
and now the court system has me legally by the balls for the sport of two
children yeah there's no
fucking reason for you to do that they don't hold anything over you they have
no negotiating nothing
uh the mother-in-law isn't sitting unless they try to keep your daughter from
you
the mother-in-law is insisting that if i don't legally adopt him i'm a scumbag
who doesn't deserve to see
him and eve has gone so far in so many words to say i won't be seeing him she's
even getting my
ex on board with this like i said i really care for the kid he's a good kid who
never had a father
figure until i came into his life six years ago what's my play here thanks and
go fuck yourself
uh what you're seeing with these two fucking lunatics um generation fucking
psychos here uh is the tip of
the fucking iceberg with these people okay they don't give a shit about you
they're looking at you like an
atm machine and they're already fucking with you they don't they don't have
that kid's best interest
in mind they think they do they don't they're using him as a fucking
negotiating tool
all right i'm surprised they haven't said well we'll fucking go for full
custody with your daughter and
try to fuck with that that'll probably be their next fucking move and here's
the thing with them
okay with them it's the more you're in their lives the worse it's gonna get do
not legally bind yourself
to them whatsoever and this is what i would do do not get emotional at all do
not get into a fuck you
fuck you fight with the mother-in-law do not get into a fuck you fuck you fight
with um your soon-to-be
ex-wife you have leverage in that your ex-wife as much as she's you know going
to divorce you here
still cares about you you guys still had a child together and you just have to
just talk to her
logically and just say i'm not comfortable doing that um but i'm going to
continue to make payments
and support and all that and help you out with your son and obviously our
daughter all right um
and this pressure that your your mother-in-law is putting on this is only going
to make both of
our lives miserable so what you do is you you divide and conquer there just say
i have no problem with
you and the way that we get along i don't think your mother-in-law understands
and that's why she's
applying this pressure but that pressure is it's going to be bad for us and it's
going to be bad for
our kids let's just continue going on like this i love your son and you know i'm
going to continue
to support him that's as far as it goes all right and i'm totally comfortable
with supporting him
i'm giving you my word but i'm not you know i'm not doing the legal thing i'm
not doing it and you
just that's it that's it and if they want to keep coming at you i'm telling you
right now if you do
you think that when you legally adopt that kid do you honestly fucking think
that that's going to be
the end of the demands what the fuck is the mother-in-law involved in this shit
for anyways
right there that's a nightmare that's a fucking nightmare situation and so many
married women
have that fucking that ridiculously close relationship with their mom you know
what i mean and it to the
point that it hurts the fucking relationship and god forbid it's as a guy you
keep bringing your mom
into the fucking relationship with your wife that's that's that's a fucking rap
it's a fucking rap but
once again guys put up with that shit we put up with them coming in busting up
our shit dude you hold
all of the fucking cards here that's it they don't have they don't have they
don't have a dime they're
not even in the fucking game you hold all the fucking cards do not do this you
don't have to do this just
stay calm and keep reassuring your your soon-to-be ex-wife that you know you're
doing what's best for
the kids and what's best for you and what's best for both of you guys and just
keep saying uh this
pressure that your mother-in-law is putting on us is unnecessarily unnecessary
it's it's it's just
we're good okay i'm still like if i was going to be vindictive it would have
happened by now i'm still
picking both of them up all right there's no way i'm going to let anything
happen to your son and
there's no way i'm letting anything happen to our daughter that's it that's it
so tell your fucking
mother to shut the fuck i can't do that part don't do that part all right