Name: Bill Burr - Weed / A Dancing Bush
Uploaded: 2016-07-22T12:34:24.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Weed / A Dancing Bush' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-07-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Weed / A Dancing Bush' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-07-22. Transcript available.

Somebody said that the New York Times did this article, and for the love of God,
I can't find it.
They did it talking about the legalization of pot.
And was saying in states where weed has become legal, that prescriptions have
gone down drastically.
Obviously for pain, anxiety, and all of that other stuff.
And it's really starting to become the wonder drug man that all the hippies
always said.
And I always fucking was like, no, booze is legal, blah, blah, blah.
And now it's really looking at like booze does way more fucking damage.
Oh, but it's so delicious.
Does way more damage than weed does.
So according to this New York Times article, according to this person who said
it was in the New York Times article.
That the pharmaceutical lobbyists are now going after legalized marijuana in
every state.
And they're going to start trying to fucking, you know, basically go, oh, my
God, it's the devil.
And blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And get people to stop using it and have all this shit about side effects.
I bet they'll start showing commercials and all that.
But I got to tell you.
The fact that this is the problem.
Well, maybe they won't.
I was going to say the problem that they're going to have is now that the cat's
out of the bag.
Okay.
And these states are making so much money in tax revenue.
Right.
Like there's this whole thing going on in Denver because it's legal at a state
level, but not at a federal level.
You don't pay federal income tax.
And it's this weird fucking thing.
So nobody knows.
Oh, I know.
Banks won't accept the money.
You know, because the banks, federal banks or whatever, can't accept the money
or whatever.
So what these these people who grow the weed are doing, they're just buying up
land.
And so in Colorado, from what I heard, once again, I never read.
I listen to people and whatever they say to me, I just considered it as a fact.
Right.
It's so much easier than doing research.
And you know what's great about it?
If you fuck up, it makes other people feel smart.
You know, nothing, nothing strokes your ego like correcting another human being.
That's a human being.
That thing can speak.
It can drive a car.
Maybe it can fly a plane.
To be right.
I mean, anybody can be right when there's a dog, you know, there's a fucking
dog in the room that doesn't do anything for you, you know.
But if it's another fucking person, right, who's got a thumb and shit and can
like hold a hammer.
If you're fucking rad, that just it's the greatest.
Actually, that was it was actually 1897.
Yes, 1897, Spanish-American War.
Anytime you get to do that and then you get to watch them be all fucking mad.
Like when I was talking about George Bush, I thought everybody was making fun
of him because he didn't dance well.
I didn't realize it was some memorial service for, you know, fallen officers or
an officer in particular.
And I didn't I didn't look.
I just watched the fucking video.
Oh, and it just rolled in.
You know, everybody.
Oh, let's let's let's fucking correct old Billy Redbeard.
You know, everybody had a great fucking time doing that.
But I'm off the rails here.
OK, I still have to say, you know.
You know, as much as that was inappropriate, which it was completely
inappropriate, obviously, it was fun to see him, you know, it was fun to see
that he's enjoying his retirement.
It's like when you see Letterman, he let the beard go out.
He got rid of the fucking toupee.
He doesn't give a shit.
And when you look at him, a lot of people were saying, you know, maybe George
was a little drunk.
And you know what?
Good for him.
Good for that fucking guy, because that fucking guy, he held it together for
eight goddamn years.
You know, granted, he gave a speech the way I read advertising.
Granted, we went into Iraq because there was weapons of mass destruction and we
never fucking found any.
I love how that fucking story goes away.
But if you make fun of fat people as a comedian, all of a sudden you get in
trouble.
It was like, what about this fucking guy?
This guy here was playing fucking patty cake, patty cake baker's man at a
fucking funeral.
Good Lord.
That guy is like, he's like, when you talk about failing upwards, I think, you
know, something.
There's something about that guy.
He's just smart enough to know that he's not qualified.
And I think that that's why he drinks.
I think that's why he's got that fucking vibe.
He just, he's kind of like Rodney.
Like he does everything but tugs on his collar.
Like, I'll tell you, this is a rough one, you know?
Um, I don't know.
We'll see.
We'll see what the fuck happens.
But what was I talking about?
Oh, yeah.
In New York Times, they were saying that, yeah, that these pharmaceutical lobbyists,
you know,
were going to be trying to, you know, fight back to win back some of their
money.
Capitalistic society here, right?
What do you do?
Somebody's taking into your, you're cutting into your territory.
What do you do?
You go on the offensive.
You start making up shit about them.
You lie.
You know, that's what you do.
So, um, I was going to say now that the cat is out of the bag legally with weed,
um, I think
it's going to be really hard.
I was going to say because not only is it appearing to have all these positive
effects
medically, according to stuff that people said to me that they allegedly said
scientists
did, um, it also makes you feel good.
That's a rough one.
You know what I mean?
Whereas all that other shit, a lot of the pharmaceutical stuff just sort of
like numbs the pain, all
of that stuff.
And then you all of a sudden you get onto the heart of drugs and all that.
It's really fucking evil.
You know, I got a friend of mine.
She had problems with her.
She couldn't, something going on with the shoulder.
She couldn't pick her fucking arms up past her shoulder.
I referred her to this same masseuse that I went to and she immediately was
getting results.
And she, she was, according to her, was stuck going to these fucking doctors.
I'm not, I'm not totally shitting on doctors and stuff like that, but, uh, I
don't know.
It would be nice if the mainstream medical would kind of let these other people
come in.
You know what I mean?
It's just that I think the, the people outside, people outside of the
mainstream medical, basically
hospitals and shit, I don't even know what mainstream medical means.
It just sounds right to me, right?
Oh Jesus.
I am so out of my fucking element.
You know what?
It feels good.
I feel like I could start swinging my arms at a funeral right now.
When you get outside of hospitals and stuff, you could actually, most people
you'll find
don't know what the fuck they're doing.
But if you find that gem that's outside of the fucking studio system, basically,
they actually
can cure, you know, where a lot of this other shit is just treating it and
treating it and
treating it and treating it until you then get symptoms for something else.
And then treat that, treat that, treat that, you know, I don't know if it's a
fucking shady
thing.
And, uh, it's a big fucking problem and it requires a lot of reading and
research.
And I have to be honest with you.
I did none of that before I started talking about seven minutes ago.
So there's that subject.
Okay.