Name: Bill Burr - Beers In The Fridge / The South's Gonna Rise Again
Uploaded: 2016-07-26T14:20:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Beers In The Fridge / The South's Gonna Rise Again' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-07-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Beers In The Fridge / The South's Gonna Rise Again' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-07-26. Transcript available.

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the monday morning podcast
for monday
monday july 25th 2016 what's going on how are you what's going on um the final
monday in july
of 2016 and uh old freckles old billy red beard oh fucking billy fat face
fucking trying to get
the weight off okay i'm trying to get the weight off working out during the day
eating great having
a beer at night fucking losing everything that he worked for it's fucking
ridiculous it's ridiculous
what one beer does and i just i gotta do it i got a bunch of beers left over
from the fucking fourth
of july they're taking up all this space in my fridge and i'm not gonna throw
them out
i mean there's children that work in the budweiser factory that fucking you
know
they sleep on piles of hay right they pay them 29 cents a month i don't know if
that's true maybe
it's hops i don't know what they sleep on no there's no people there's no
children there's no children
working at budweiser that's but peyton manny wouldn't invest in budweiser there
was children
there i'm just gonna go get me a couple of budweiser's we had protection issues
um
my wife's on steroids wasn't me she blew out her shoulder making uh s'mores
so she had human growth hormone thrice all i'm gonna say about that before i
put my balls on
somber's head i'm sorry believe it or not i'm in a great mood um yeah so i got
these
fucking i got all these beers in my fridge what am i gonna what am i what the
fuck am i supposed to
do with them i can't throw them out i got botting tints i got some millers so i
just have like one a
night right and then i have a home pour of whiskey and that's all she wrote
that's all she wrote
i barely even get buzzed off of that too when i wake up the next day and i just
feel like i don't
know why i keep doing it it's a habit i have to break i am a i am a one and a
half drink alcoholic
i have to have one and a half drinks and get a little buzzed every night i want
to go to a
AA meeting and say like that's my problem you know i'll never forget when i
started going off the rails
when i uh yeah i would have uh i'd have one um mellow light tall in a can and
uh then i'd have a home
pour of uh whiskey and uh of course after i finished that i would just stop and
i'd go to sleep
and the next day i'd wake up and i'd be totally functional and i'd go to work
but i you know
i'd definitely be a little grouchy
and uh that's my story okay uh thank you for sharing next guy comes up my uncle
raped me with
a 12-pack when i was five right they'd throw me out of there they'd be walking
up put down them
donuts i don't know why they all have southern accents in my world everyone in
aas from the south
you know why they never got over the war they're still fighting it down there
south's gonna rise
again and do what you're gonna secede from the union you're gonna get old stonewall
jackson junior
junior junior junior to come back and take over for you you know what i say to
that i say good luck
i say good you know do it just know this you can't have florida and if you can't
have florida and you
can't go to california where are you going to take your kids huh when they say
i you know when they
they're sitting there watching your confederate tv right and it's a small world
comes on
which is even more apropos whatever the you say it because you just like nine
states
down there whatever the hell you are right it's a small world after all and
they're like
you want to what do they call fathers down in uh what do they call been at your
gym dad
i want to go to disney world you can't because you seceded from the union
you can't go to disney's land and you can't go to his world you know what you
can go talladega
you can go see the winston cup series huh they got a water slide out there i
don't think they do
they got a bunch of adults skipping around and outfits that scare children they
do not so let me
tell you something there mason dixon mason and dixon why don't you think twice
think about everything
you're going to lose out on if you seceded from the union huh no more disneyland
no more disney world
sea world's down there you don't get to see those fish that don't want to be
there you know a lot of
people think like fish like don't give a that they're in the tank you know just
because
they they they don't have an ability to speak to us that therefore that means
they're fine with it
we treat fish like immigrants you know the fish is looking at you you just like
speak english you got
a problem with that tank spit it out sit there staring at me with your eyes on
the side of your
scaly head be happy i didn't eat you you look at me one more time i'll cut your
head off i'll roll you
into some flour with an egg wash and i'll deep fry you and i'll make your
friends watch
sit there and stare at me like i work for you i don't work for you who here's
in the tank
that's right i didn't think so i didn't think so