Name: Bill Burr - Advice: Will I Ever Get Laid
Uploaded: 2016-08-02T16:03:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: Will I Ever Get Laid' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-08-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: Will I Ever Get Laid' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-08-02. Transcript available.

Oh, Jesus, here's a big question. Will I ever get laid?
All right, dear Bill, I'm currently in an emotional quandary.
I'm 19 and I've never been laid. That's not bad.
He said I was homeschooled my entire life by strict religious parents.
All right, that's bad. Who shielded me from girls.
My sister, who's 21 years old, was my only window to the female world.
She would always have female friends around and many of them hit on me.
I even made out slash felt up one of them.
So you're in the game.
You scored a couple of buckets. You're on the scorecard.
He said, which was my only sexual experience ever.
So although sheltered, my outlook is bright, right?
And he says, wrong.
Three years ago, I mysteriously developed severe social anxiety to the point I
can barely go to public places.
Around this time, my parents kicked my sister out of the house because she left
Christianity.
Oh, yeah, that's inevitable.
So she moved in with a friend.
So now not only am I paralyzed with anxiety, but now the well has dried up
since she left and I have no female circulating around in my life.
This is how my life has been since 2013, and I don't know how many more years
of it I can take.
I'm not at the point.
I'm not at the point where I think you meant to say I'm now at the point, right?
Where what do I do?
I would I would I would deal with your social anxiety first.
I mean, your parents allow you to go outside, right?
So what I would do is you just, you know, just give yourself some small goals.
You know, just go out, go to the store, go buy something and come home.
That's it.
Do that.
You just gradually increase.
It's like flying.
When you get your pilot's license, what you do is you just keep gradually
increasing the area that you're familiar with and comfortable flying.
You know, you don't just get your pilot's license and just fucking just start
flying all over the fucking place.
You're nervous.
You're scared.
Right.
So you just gradually keep increasing the your area.
So that's what I would do.
And then once you get comfortable with the area, then then you add more shit to
it.
There's a woman behind the counter.
Say hello to her or some shit little things.
And, dude, you're going to be fine.
The fact that you're living under those severe conditions and you still made
out with the chick and felt her up.
I mean, dude, you're crushing it.
You're being way too hard on yourself.
You're only 19.
You got your whole life ahead of you.
You know, I'm telling you, you're in a great position.
Just, you know, just work on it a little bit.
You'll be fine.
You'll totally be fine.
And the fact that, you know, she's bringing these girls over and they're
fucking hitting on you.
I mean, that never happened to me.
Women now, my God, I had to spin plates and fucking all kinds of shit to try to
get them to pay attention to me.
So you're you're way better in a way better situation than I was when I'm when
I was 19.
So just know that, you know, people always have it worse than you.
Just go easy on yourself.
You'll be fine.
You'll be fine.
Probably get laid by the time you're fucking 20.
Just go out and say hello to people.
Right.
You got women coming over, throwing themselves at you.
I mean, I don't even am I supposed to feel bad for you?
I want to be you.
You're 19 and you got women hitting on you.
Dude, you're a fucking rock star.