Name: Bill Burr - Arthur's Seat
Uploaded: 2016-08-12T13:42:37.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Arthur's Seat' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-08-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Arthur's Seat' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-08-12. Transcript available.

I went up to Athens Sea today, which is this hike where you get a 360 degrees
view, panoramic view of Edinburgh, and however the fuck you're supposed to say,
you're not supposed to say Burg evidently, the locals get annoyed, and on a
clear day, which I don't know that they even have here, you can see all the way
to Glasgow, which I performed there a couple of times.
So I went over there, and I was going to meet fucking DeRosa and Ari Shafir,
but I couldn't figure out where the fuck they were at, and of course it was
raining, so I was just like, I'll just meet you guys up top, because there's
all these different ways in, and I climbed up this fucking thing, and it's
hilarious, there's just no signs telling you where to go, it's this giant
fucking thing, and it's just, if you find it, you find it, they don't give a
fuck, half of it was these rocks, these lava rocks, that I swear to God, any
one of them, any one of them,
if you slipped and fell, if you hit it, you shattered your elbow, or fractured
your fucking skull, there was no railings, there was no signs, watch your step,
it was just like, yeah man, you know, just keep walking up the hill, eventually
you'll get to the highest one, and you'll know where the fuck you're supposed
to go, there's just a bunch of tourists, like, is it up this way, or did we go
the wrong way, you know, and it was fucking pouring down raining,
nobody gave a shit, no concern of a lawsuit, it was funny, like, reminded me
when I was a kid, when people, right before everybody got so happy in my
country, and
I ended up getting all the way up to the top, and I, you know, I don't have a
raincoat, because I'm a man,
you know, or I probably shouldn't even say that, I guess if I was a real man, I
would have bought one, would have dressed the fact that you need a coat,
for when it rains, specifically a raincoat, but I've never been able to get
myself one,
because they just always, I don't know, I just, I just remember as a kid, if
you had a fucking raincoat past, like, third grade, you just,
it just meant, couldn't you, yeah, could you please beat the shit out of me,
no one had a fucking raincoat, right, you didn't, you just fucking, I used to
do a bit about that, put your shoulders up,
that was it, right, so,
I was up there with this, I don't know, I don't know what the material was, but
it, it, it fucking totally lost the battle with water, and I got all the way up
to the top,
and of course, the wind is whipping around, and I'm waiting for Ari and DeRosa
to show up from whatever side of the fucking hill they were coming up,
but, you know, I was thinking like, alright, Ari's in good shape, you know, I
know he's done some MMA stuff, I don't think he's gonna be the problem,
I don't think he's the, he's the wheel that's slowing that wagon down, I know
it was DeRosa,
he was probably fucking making that face he always makes, and I was just
standing up there, I gave him like five minutes,
and I was just like, fuck this, I don't see them anywhere, and, uh, ended up
walking down, went this different way,
and I, I had on like, New Balance sneakers, you know, the Steve Job ones, which
I, people always give me shit,
going, you know, you know those are old white guy sneakers, like, SNL did a,
did a whole sketch,
talking about how those are old white guy sneakers, and I'm, you know, it's
like, well, I'm, I'm an old white guy,
so, I, I will wear these sneakers.
They were not good for the slippery lava rocks, or whatever the fuck they are,
up on, uh,
Arthur's seat, and, uh, this fucking cunt was coming down behind me, and he had
like the climbing boots on and shit,
he's like breathing down my neck, and I was feeling the same kind of stress I
feel
anytime I go out to play around a golf, which I never do, because I hate that
sport, and one of the
things I hate the most about it is the stress of the people behind you. They're
always better than
you, and you just feel like a fucking asshole, like you're holding them up. I
always tell people
to play through. It was that exact same level of anxiety, except, uh, you just
got to throw in the
fact that you could possibly fracture your skull. Um, so I finally let the guy
go around me, and it was,
it was definitely a relief. Hang on a second here, I got, I got to text to Rosa
and let him know
that I'm going to meet him at that bar. Hang on. So anyways, I made it down
without hurting myself,
and I was already like, I had Nia's voice in my head, thinking like, if I fall
down and I fucking
break my elbow or some shit, I'm never going to hear the end of this, because
she told me not to do it.
She's like, you've been working too hard, yeah, you know, you got a cold, you're,
you're being an
idiot, don't go up there, you're going to fall down, and blah, blah, blah, and
it's just like,
will you stop fucking jinxing me? You ever hear you attract what you fear? That's
what you're doing
right now. Fucking leave me alone. And, uh, so of course I don't listen to her.
This is the thing
about being a married guy. You can't listen to your wife, because when you do,
there's a part of you
that dies inside, you know, and then what ends up happening is, is then you
lose your spirit,
and the light in your eye goes out, and after the fucking person who blew it
out,
that person actually has the nerve to then look at you and, and, and, and like,
not like you anymore,
because they look at you like you quit. It's fucking nuts. Now, I don't know if
that's true,
but, uh, I just said it, so I'm going to go with it. I think that that's what
they do,
like, subconsciously. Um, I don't know why I would say that.