Name: Bill Burr - Book Readers | Virtual Reality Sex Suit
Uploaded: 2016-09-27T14:14:56.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Book Readers | Virtual Reality Sex Suit' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-09-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Book Readers | Virtual Reality Sex Suit' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-09-27. Transcript available.

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it is time for the monday morning
podcast for monday
september 26th 2016 what's going on how are you um yesterday september 25th was
the 36th
anniversary of the death of john bonham why do i know that because i'm a nerd
um all right let's
get into the podcast this week now i don't have a lot of time to fucking sit
here and try and
brighten up your goddamn monday okay i've been doing these podcasts for since
2007 all right at
some point i have to kick you people out of the nest and you have to learn how
to find your own
chuckles your own happiness on a monday um i don't know what i'm talking about
anyways let's just get
right into it people last thursday evening if you owned a television and you
had it on okay if
you're not one of those annoying readers you know what i mean you know annoying
readers are they can't
just go and do it they got to let everybody know oh you know i don't watch tv
oh good good well guess
what now we have nothing to talk about because i don't give a fuck about uh you
know this i this is
how little i read i can't even name an author other than like stephen king and
i know he's not one of
the classics you know well maybe he will be someday maybe the dead zone will be
right up there with uh
who's the guy's christmas addicts is that the guy who started the revolutionary
war was he the first
guy who was killed or did he write scrooge yeah what the fuck was that guy's
name well now what i know
it was christopher was christopher something i read the fucking book i read it
you know something i read
a bunch of classics because i was sick of people bringing them up and i didn't
know what they were
you know the the the prince and the pauper i read that one i read uh
the counter monocristo which was like a fucking 600 page book i read the whole
fucking thing
with my add i mean it took it took forever um great book uh i give it a thumbs
up
moby dick i couldn't get through the thing because they kept breaking down
wailing like i had nothing better to do right like there was no tv and internet
and all that
in my life like back the books from back then if you get like the original like
copy of it like how it
was actually written you understand the astounding level of boredom you know
you just you had no you
didn't have a car you didn't have any money you'd be lucky if you had shoes
okay and if somebody was
nice enough to actually teach you how to read you had a book like your heart
was racing
oh my god if i have a book right and you you get excited you know you what was
that book one of those
huck finn tom sawyer things like if you whitewash the whole fence will give you
an apple and he was
excited there weren't any snickers right it was a apple nature's sugar as they
say right he was all
fucking you paint a whole fence for an apple i love the apples are free just
walk up to the goddamn tree
and you take it right just like how this country was taken right we just walked
right up we just took
it hey you guys are already here yeah move out clear clear it out keep moving
back it up back it up
white people comment right it's probably the the nicest way genocide was ever
described
hey could you guys just back it up a little bit um yeah but now now you know
now there's no reason to
read and pretty soon there's going to be no reason to even interact with other
human beings now when
they make these not only these these sex suits that they're working on so vigorously
i believe in asia
as far as the videos that i've seen now none of this believe it or not has
really been researched i can't
remember who the but it was one of you lunatics who sent me the thing or if i
saw it on tv i i never
remember how i get information but i distinctly remember seeing somebody laying
down
in a suit it actually might have been the writer's room at fs for family
i don't i don't have any short-term memory anymore right it's probably all the
gmos in my food according to the hippie people down there at the farmer's
market
who go look man this is this is how big a chicken supposed to be man
those gmos man um
i don't know if there's gmos in my food or not you know why because they're
flavorless you can't
taste them you think if somebody was putting something in your food you'd be
like oh what is
that what is that i don't know how they're flavorless it's kind of weird
anyways the was i talking about oh yeah so this guy was laying down in this it
looked like he was uh
he was wearing one of those remember the gimp from that tarantino movie right
fast times at ridgemont
high what the was a pulp fiction right they had the gimp well he had a gimp
suit on except it was like
white and i don't know if they just covered up his face so you he wouldn't know
his identity
but he was like he had this this mummy thing on he had the virtual reality
glasses
and then there was something on his dick i don't know what it was doing it was
like the fleshlight
except it was the automatic version no the flashlight is automatic that's
battery powered right
that is the creepiest goddamn thing in the in the in the history of man how
many times
was doing a podcast this person had one he goes look at this thing check this
thing out it's like it was
like you put your dick in that um anyways the dude was just laying there what i'm
trying to say is
they're working on these virtual reality sex suits okay so once these things
they get them to a level
like look how good they've made video games okay and i haven't played since
grand theft auto 3 because
that game was so great it just took over my life i can't imagine what it's what
it what they're like now
so what i'm saying is once they have the sex suit things going on like you're
gonna you're gonna deal
with your wife would you even have a wife i don't want to hear that horse about
companionship
and blah blah blah blah blah and all of that crap you get that all out of the
way when you put on your
mummy suit you know what i mean you lay down you dial up whatever you want hey
i want to i want to be in
i want to be in a pizza parlor i want to have mozzarella sticks right and then
this chick comes
over and goes here's your check and then i say i ain't got the money and then
for some reason she blows me
but can i dial up where i can actually also be eating the mozzarella sticks
and and you know siri will be in there and be like i don't think that'll be a
problem ding and
then it's going to be happening when you can do that in the future it's a wrap
it's over you know what i mean
i wonder if he gave like a sex offender like one of those suits would he stop
trying to snatch people
you know be like to dial up whatever you want you lunatic just stay away from
us
probably wouldn't you know what i mean
because at the end of the day oh you know something you know would be hilarious
is book readers would actually still be real people yeah you know i don't have
a sex suit i'm just
i like the actual you know i thought the person was better it's like will you
shut the up
wow i don't know what the hell just happened i don't know how i got on that
what is that eight minutes of all right 52 to go