Name: Bill Burr - College Gigs | Nebraska vs Illinois | Wisconsin
Uploaded: 2016-10-03T09:09:53.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - College Gigs | Nebraska vs Illinois | Wisconsin' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-10-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - College Gigs | Nebraska vs Illinois | Wisconsin' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-10-03. Transcript available.

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the monday morning podcast
for monday
um october 3rd 2016 what's going on how are you oh shit wait a minute today was
supposed
to be the fucking first day of the pink football and i didn't see any of that
shit out there
did they abandon it did i dream that it went away uh that's they probably
walked away too
many people were getting wise they made their money the old filthy stinking nfl
snuck away
though their pink money to raise awareness uh yeah you know we'll fuck you know
we made our
fucking money off of it well uh we'll maybe there's i don't know i should i i
thought it was
in october isn't that when uh the pink lady takes in all that money because
everybody's suffering
fucking asshole to buy yourself a pink yacht isn't that how it works you know
and then everybody
walks around with a little fucking pink uh pocket square or some shit let's
take a moment of silence
to uh listen to all the money that is not going towards the disease we all
think we're trying to
fight right now jets pass over fucking somebody eats some fucking cotton candy
and on to the games um
all right i'm not going to be like this okay um it's sunday when i'm recording
this i just got back from
uh a fun weekend i did two nights in madison wisconsin and uh then i did a gig
in omaha nebraska
went to the corn huskers game versus uh illinois which is a great time
legendary legendary football
stadium can't believe i finally got there back in the day i used to do i'm
gonna actually talk to
my agent because i used to do so many fucking college gigs back in the day when
i was coming up
and then somewhere along the line you know you get a following and then you
just go to the city and
you either go to the club or if you're lucky you go to a theater or some shit
and um somewhere along
the line i just kind of i got out of doing i want to get back to doing that
shit but all i remember was
i did a zillion fucking colleges in nebraska in kansas i was forever flying in
into fucking
kansas city and driving out to hayes is hayes nebraska or is it hayes can i can't
even remember dodge city
grand junction i can't i can't remember the names of them it was so fucking
long ago i just remember
when you got on the 80 in nebraska jesus christ cleo you're gonna scratch the
whole podcast buddy
huh
come here let me help you with let me help you with that it's under your collar
i got you i got you
i got you there it is there it is oh look at that face and when they stick
their face out a little
further oh that's the spot there it is good all right great okay anyways jesus
go on go lay down
go lay down buddy come on come on um so you go across the uh the 80 um you get
about halfway across
the state and there was this weird like a fucking footbridge would just go
across this highway
and um major highway i mean you can basically take that thing all the way out
to san francisco if you
go west and i think it uh i don't know where the hell that one dies i drove the
70 the whole way that
one dies somewhere i drove it from like picked it up in like utah off of the 15
drove the 70 all the
way into like fucking pennsylvania like a madman i'll tell you that i drove
cross country in like three
and a half days by myself with all my shit in my car my big square fucking tv
you know parking next to
you know in parking lots sleeping wouldn't even get a fucking hotel room i got
a hotel room one night but
then i had to like pick the fucking tv up and take it in it was just a pain in
the ass so i was just
like ah fuck it the next night i slept in the car anyways i drove like a
fucking lunatic like 70 80 miles
an hour the whole way there and um didn't get pulled over till i got to the george
washington bridge
and that's when i got pulled over and the cop came up the window i go you know
it's funny i drove here
all the way from los angeles and the guy goes shut the fuck up give me a he
didn't he didn't he didn't
give a shit about how how i thought it was a funny little moment that you know
i just drove fucking
2500 miles and i didn't have a problem and i got down to the last three miles
of my trip
and uh then i'm getting a ticket and this this man did not give a shit and he
gave me a ticket so
anyways i'd done a bunch of college gigs out there so throughout the years that's
how i went to all
the baseball stadiums football and all that shit when i was on the road and uh
every fucking time i
would be anywhere near nebraska and if they had a game it was always at night
or if they had a game
they were on the road and i was never able to go so fortunately i finally got
to go and um it was
pretty cool actually met larry the cable guy there i'd never met him seen him
you know blow up throughout
the years and uh got to hang out with him and he's like the fucking president
out there so
like they had like that all their heisman trophy winners were there that day
so mike rosier came in and actually got a picture with him and larry the cable
guy photobombed it in
the background i was there with nate craig we had a great fucking time um so
thanks to larry for letting
us in to his uh his his fucking what do you call the living room the suite
there it was just great but
anyways the um stadium was amazing those people are fucking loud too that wasn't
like the most
riveting game either like the first half of course the part that i saw before i
had to drive back up to
omaha um kind of sucked and also it really sucked because i bet nebraska and
they were given 20 and a
half points and halfway through the second quarter i'm just thinking why the
fuck would i give 20 and
a half points to lovey smith this guy this guy fucking coached in the nfl i'm
sorry i'm yawning here
guy coached the nfl for like i don't know how many goddamn years now he's at
the college level
you're gonna give i'm gonna give this guy 20 and a half fucking points and larry
kept going ah don't
worry about it don't worry about it we we scored more points in the fourth
quarter than anybody else
and they actually came back and they made it close but uh by then i was long
gone and uh we drove up
and had a great show in omaha which i've never done a gig there i've landed at
that fucking airport a
zillion times but i have never um never did like an adult show that was always
like a college show so
um that was it was just a great fucking weekend i gotta tell you the longer i
live the more urge i
have like i was out in nebraska and i was fucking in like wisconsin and i was
envious i was like look
at all this fucking space these people have look at these trees look at they
have water
shit doesn't just catch on fire out here sure they got them tornadoes out there
you know but uh i went down this road when i was in wisconsin i swear to god
yeah it's like one of
those roads that they shoot a car commercial on and i was just out there like
in nebraska going this
right here this is where you could actually you could you could have a fast car
you could ride a
fucking motorcycle not worry that someone's gonna kill you every three seconds
you could actually get
your car you know up to 80 90 miles an hour out here la you got to try to do it
at three in the morning
and you get on the fucking highway and that's the only time those poor bastards
can try to fix the
fucking thing so then they have it all go down to one lane and you're sitting
in traffic again at
three in the morning um so it's beautiful i fucking love wisconsin man i'm a
big fan of milwaukee too
um and nebraska was the shit and uh anyways i made an ass of myself as always
when i when i landed in
nebraska because we had to get up at seven in the morning um because i thought
the fucking game was
at 12 30. i don't know if when i was out here when i bought the tickets if it
just said uh
it was just doing like pacific coast time because we're two hours behind him i
don't know why you would
do that so i thought the game was at 12 30 so i got like seven a.m flights out
of fucking uh madison
wisconsin connecting chicago o'hare which is always a nightmare you know that
fucking airport's like
nine miles long right um so we fucking uh we connect there and then we land and
and when i got off i was
so fucking tired and i'd gone out the night before like a fucking asshole and
when i landed i saw this
kid when i was going to the rental car place he had this kansas jayhawks shirt
on and uh i've always
loved kansas this i don't know why i was one year i just i started watching
them um i just liked them
you know and uh so i've always wanted to go to the field house and everything
so i saw it i was like
half asleep and i was just like oh can't you jayhawks fan he goes yeah i go
they play in lincoln or
omaha like i wasn't even thinking like and the kids like uh they play in lawrence
kansas
and i just walked away and i i was so fucking tired it didn't even hit me until
nate started
laughing at me i was like oh my god he's gonna think i'm a fucking idiot he was
like hey listen
to the podcast and everything i was just like oh yeah kansas do they play in nebraska
that's basically
what i said to him and he just sort of looked at me like uh no he probably
walked away like
wow that really isn't an act he really is that fucking stupid