Name: Bill Burr & Joe Rogan - Jobs | Sciatica
Uploaded: 2016-10-28T18:10:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Joe Rogan - Jobs | Sciatica' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-10-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Joe Rogan - Jobs | Sciatica' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-10-28. Transcript available.

What's the fucking worst job you had?
This is far as physically, like, I will kill myself before I'm 30 if I fucking
do this.
Out of high school, I worked on a, there was a Knights of Columbus Hall that
was having a wheelchair ramp built.
And I had to carry cement bags and pressure-treated lumber every day.
And I only lasted a little over two weeks, I think.
I lasted eight days. I was a gopher on a construction site.
We were roofing in June or July.
And I just remember having to bring up those, first of all, I brought the wrong,
I bought the wrong color fucking shingles.
They wanted the fucking ebony one.
And this was off ebony, I don't know what the fuck it was.
So I had to go all the way back, unload the fucking things I loaded on, load
some more back, brought the fucking things back.
And I just remember, dude, it was just like, I never ate so much in my life.
Like, I'd eat like three sandwiches and like a half hour later, I'd be like
starving and just weight was just falling off of me.
I was just like, dude, what the fuck? This is insane.
But the thing was, if I hung in there for like a month, I would have got my sea
legs.
But I just was like, no, but I didn't have it.
I knew it.
I always knew.
I always knew.
Like when I played drums and everything like that, as much, every time I
thought I was getting good, I'd go into Guitar Center and some eight-year-old
kid would get on a kit.
And I'd be like, holy fuck.
It's like, dude, I would pay you to give me lessons.
And it's just like, whatever you're trying to do, when you see like a kid come
in and he fucking blows you away, it's just like, all right, this is a hobby,
Bill.
This is a hobby.
Well, I mean, working, doing construction is definitely not a fucking hobby.
It's just brutal backbaking labor.
There's a gift as far as like seeing how things go together.
Oh, yeah, dude.
There's an art to everything.
Well, there's an art to construction for sure.
And there's the Louis C.K.'s of fucking contractors.
Oh, yeah.
No, I mean, as far as building houses, but I mean laboring.
Like carrying bags of cement.
There's no fucking art to carrying bags of cement.
But no, but they would give me shit to do, like, you know, make this fucking miter
cut 45.
And I fucked the same cut up three times in a row.
It was to frame a door jam.
And I kept measuring to the inside of the corner rather the outside of the
corner.
Remember the third time I did it, my boss just looked at me, grabbed the wood,
and he looked at me the whole time, walked up to the frame and never took his
eyes off me.
And the frame was behind him.
And he just stuck it to the fucking wall and just stared at me.
I was so embarrassed.
I was just like, oh, God, dude.
He's like, dude, you went through, like, fucking $20 worth of stock to make one
fucking cut.
Like, what are you doing here?
And I was just like, ugh.
And I was just, I didn't even pick up my check.
I didn't even pick up my check.
I drove up to the site.
We worked Monday through Friday.
And then Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, I drove up to the site, and I just looked
at it.
And my body and everything just said, dude, fuck this.
And I just kept driving.
He never called.
Why would he call me?
I'm the guy wasting lumber.
He doesn't give a shit.
He got free labor out of me.
And I didn't give a fuck.
And I forget what I did after that, but that was a rough time for me.
But, like, I always knew, like, if I didn't like a job and stuff like that, it's
like the
De Niro thing in, what was that, the heat?
You got to be willing to walk.
At any moment, you got to be willing to fucking walk.
You got to know it's bad.
Yeah.
That was it.
That was probably the toughest physical job that I had.
And it was also a good lesson.
Because it was a lesson that, like, if you work for somebody else and you're
just doing labor, you're just doing just mindless labor, you don't have any
time for anything else.
You think you got eight hours in a day and there's still another 16, you'll get
shit done.
Uh-uh.
You're exhausted.
You're fucking beaten down.
I would go to the gym, I'd try to work out, and I remember trying to hit the
bag, and I just had nothing.
There was nothing there.
I never felt so tired in my life.
Yeah.
And I was only, like, 18.
I should have been full of piss and vinegar.
I was just dead.
And I remember, like, all my ambition wheels would just ramp it up.
I was like, okay, this is not my fucking future.
I got to figure out what the fuck I'm doing.
Because I had these delusions that I was going to become a carpenter.
I was like, well, I'll get in the union.
I'll start building houses.
That's a good gig.
Which it is, you know, if you're a good carpenter.
That's what I thought I was going to do.
Yeah, you know what?
It's a good gig if you're the guy telling the people to go build the fucking
house.
But if you're the guy out there pouring the forms, you've noticed that that's
mostly young guys.
Like, that is a fucking young, even, like, landscaping.
Like, after a while, you got to get a crew.
And you got to be the guy, like, sending the crews out.
Because there's only so long that you can just, like, I feel like laborers,
they have, like, the same career trajectory as, like, a professional athlete.
Somewhere around 35 to 38, your body's going to be like, dude, I can't fucking
do this anymore.
You just break down.
There was, I had a bulging disc in my neck, and I went to an MRI place, and
there was a lady who went in before me.
A lady?
A lady.
And this lady, I was looking at different people's MRIs.
And this lady had the most fucking ridiculous cartoon bulge of her disc.
Some poor woman who, I think she worked in a laundromat or something like that,
just carrying baskets of clothes.
And her back was just so fucked up.
And she was probably, like, 40 years old or something like that.
Came over your hair from, you know, Mexico or Guatemala or something.
And I remember looking at her back, like, this poor lady has no choice.
She has to go to work.
There's no way around this.
And there's no jobs for her other than this.
You know, like, what, she can't speak English.
Like, she's got to do what the fuck she's got to do.
And she had...
Dude, you went into a chart, huh?
You started reading up on her.
It was right there.
It was just sitting up there on the screen.
And I asked the guy, I go, whose back is that?
And he goes, it's hers.
I go, holy shit.
I go, does mine look that bad?
He goes, no.
He goes, that's bad.
He goes, that's bad.
It's real bad.
Like, she could barely walk.
Like, she had sciatica up and down her leg.
Oh, I had that.
Yeah, well, that's what that is.
What sciatica is, a bulging disc.
It's a disc that's pressing against the nerves.
You had it?
What'd you do about it?
I went to a masseuse.
That helped?
Oh, yeah.
And she actually, she works on, oh, she's a magician, dude.
She started with, like, I can't even know who she started with,
but how it came through me was through my drum teacher.
So it was, like, MMA people.
Oh, okay.
And then, you know, the whole, some drummer or guitarist or something
was into MMA, fucked up something, and he said, hey, go to my masseuse.
And then she got all the musicians with, like, the tendinitis
and all that shit in the forearms.
And then it came around to me through my drum teacher.
And she was, like, my left side was fucked up, like, the left leg.
And she started with my right shoulder.
Because your right shoulder was compensating for your left side.
Yeah.
So she was doing the whole, all right, let's try to get some information,
you know, see what's going on here.
And then she'd do something.
I'd just go, like, and she'd be, like, she'd just be, like,
she'd be, like, okay, there's some information.
All right.
And then scale of one to ten, the pain.
And, dude, like, she, what she did for me, like, literally,
she went so fucking deep.
It was, like, these memories come out.
I remember my brother used to just give me Charlie horses and shit
for no fucking reason.
You remembered it?
Yeah.
Like, it was a sword in your muscle?
No, like, the pain of it.
Like, it just pops up.
I just, I wouldn't be, like, literally thinking.
You just have the thought, like,
hey, my brother used to always kick me in the fucking leg there.
And there was another one.
I remember I was playing pickup hockey, and I had no stuff.
All I had was the fucking, the helmet and the gloves and the skate.
It had, like, sweatpants and, like, a fucking t-shirt or whatever.
And I'm out there like an asshole.
And I'm, you know, going down the ice,
and all of a sudden the other team gets it.
So I pop over to fucking start skating backwards.
I caught an edge and just went up in the air
and just landed on my left ass cheek and fucking that whole side.
Dude, I landed so fucking hard.
Like, I couldn't breathe and my eyes were watering.
It's, like, literally, when you're skating,
it's, like, being thrown out of a moving car, right?
So I got up, and everyone was laughing.
I fucked up my elbow.
You know, it's hockey.
So you just, oh, I'm fine.
You know, I get to the bench, and I was fine.
And a couple shifts later, it kind of worked itself out.
And I had bruised my legs so bad.
It was, like, three days later,
I was on the road, and I was showering or something.
I just saw on the side of my leg,
it looked like I had sat in grease or something.
And then I looked all the way to the back of my leg.
It looked like someone took a pipe
and just had fucking whacked me as hard as you could
across the back of my leg.
This straight fucking line.
And I think my sciatic nerve thing was,
which is a culmination of all of that shit,
and then there was that last thing that did it.
So she fucking worked all the way out of that.
She gave me all these stretches,
and then I found, like, a good chiropractor and all that.
And I've been able...
It's all good now?
Yeah, I'll do it.
I'm going to show you a machine.
I couldn't even sit down because my feet would start to tingle and stuff.
Numbness is way worse than pain.
That's beyond pain, is what I heard.
The numbness thing is worse.
So she goes,
all right, we're going to work you from numbness down to pain,
and then pain hopefully down to that.
And I just started going every fucking week.
I got a machine I have to show you.
It's called a reverse hyper,
and it's a machine that decompresses your back while strengthening it.
You lift weights with it.
You lift your legs up,
and then it strengthens your back,
and then as you lift your legs down...
How do you find all this shit?
Well, I work for the Ultimate Fighting Championship.
I mean, I've been an athlete my whole life.
No, but you've been doing this shit for every time.
I got this fucking chamber I float in.
I pay attention to stuff.
I mean, that's what I do.
I guess I pay attention to the wrong shit.
I've been doing martial arts since I was a little kid.
I mean, maintaining your body is a big part of that.
It's one of the most difficult parts of martial arts
is not getting injured all the time.
Because martial arts are all about hurting people.
So it's practicing hurting each other.
So you have to find good partners.
There's always that guy in class that goes too fucking hard.
There's always that.