Name: Bill Burr - Advice: Cool Guy, Terrible In Bed
Uploaded: 2016-11-01T13:28:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: Cool Guy, Terrible In Bed' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-11-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: Cool Guy, Terrible In Bed' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-11-01. Transcript available.

um all right here we go cool guy terrible in bed oh jesus all right uh dear
billy bush beer
i'm a 20 year old female college student um i go to holy cross
oh in oh you said is i go to holy cross oh okay i go to holy cross in worcester
um i had a boyfriend for the first three years of college and now i'm single i
hooked up with a guy
that i didn't know was kind of an asshole he's sort of popular and seemed
friendly one drunken night i
did the worst thing i could do fed his ego um had i known he was a moron in a
pompous douchebag i would
not have done this i'll save you the reasons why he's a douchebag but just
picture lame 80s preppy
bully who thinks he's god's gift again i didn't know this because i never paid
attention to him
well after we hooked up he told some people that i told him he was the best
fuck i ever had
uh this found its way back to me and bill i was shocked why because he was the
worst fuck i ever
had uh he had no idea what he was doing he was for lack of better words not
present no rhythm
and average at best i wasn't mad at this because it was my choice to hook up
with him
but now he's putting words in my mouth i really just want to tell someone
how bad he was and wait for it to get back around to him
what is my move here bill and or nia well wait a minute did you say he was wait
one drunken night i did the worst thing i could do feed his stupid ego does
that mean that you slept
with him
i can't tell if you by feed his ego you you
he was so bad you felt like you had to say something nice
no there's no fucking way you said there's no way you said he was the best fuck
um i think you're saying yeah
yeah i think you're saying that you you fed his ego by hooking up with him
had i known he was a moron and a pompous dude okay so he's walking around
saying that you said
and you're also saying he's putting words in your mouth so i'm assuming that
you never said that
so fed his ego means that you fucking hooked up with him that's what i'm
guessing i don't fucking know
christ they speak in riddles
um
i wasn't mad at this because um
well
oh this is a tough one i would
i would call him up
then when he picked up i'd be like why are you walking around
saying that i said you were the best fuck i ever had i never said that
okay
i never said that
okay
and hear what he says
and you know something there might be a thing this is the thing
this fucking a lot of these guys like this are tremendously insecure
maybe he knows he doesn't know what the fuck he's doing
so he's walking around saying that so he can feel better about himself because
he feels that awful about himself
and he feels so fucking awful about himself that not only does he got to go
that big
that
the fucking
way he feels about himself
is such a big thing
that it doesn't
he doesn't even think that that's going to get back to you
or he doesn't even consider your fucking feelings
so
you can either be the biggest person and know that this person is um
tremendously insecure
and walks around and probably doesn't like themselves which is a fucking
horrible feeling to have
and just take peace with that
or
you can call the guy out
which i kind of like
okay
and i you know and at that point you gotta be listen
uh if you were the best fuck i ever had i would have said that to you
and just leave it at that because you haven't told him that he's completely
fucking inept
you know what i mean
but you're also kind of putting the guy in check
um
and then you have your final option
which is
you can go around saying
that he wasn't the best fuck i ever had
he's fucking terrible
and then you know what happens is everybody just gets to sit back and enjoy
watching you guys fucking
do this shit
i understand why you'd want to do it
um
i don't know
i don't do the revenge thing
i kind of go to the person that's
doing whatever they're doing that's fucking annoying me
and i just kind of chop the head off there
and uh
and then if somebody comes up to me and says what they said i would say uh
i would just say him personally
yeah that isn't true i never said that
i don't know
i don't know what the fuck to do
i i'm sorry that this happened to you
um
and at 20 years of age it's probably hard
to understand a lot of the shit that i'm saying that of what that guy feels
about himself
but um
you know you can't have somebody walking around saying shit like that about you
so i i would
first thing i would do i would confront the guy
call him up
and be like why are you saying that i never said that
you know
and uh
if you continue to say that
and if he kind of goes around you
if you continue to say that
you're leaving me in a position here
that i have to tell them the truth
okay
you're not the best fuck i ever had
all right
i don't know
it's just i don't know
that's that's a
you know
guys if you listen to this thing
and you're a young person
that's such a fucking asshole thing to do
all right
that's totally coming from your own goddamn insecurity
all right
and uh
as an older wiser fucking man
you know
i wish that somebody older told me
that when you hook up with somebody
you keep your fucking mouth shut
um
you know what i mean
you're quiet about it
you know
it happened
who gives a fuck
who knows
you know what i mean
that's it's an insecure fucking move
and uh
just sit there
and then she did this
and then did that
and she fucking did this
like that's a really fucking asshole thing to do
and um
and women
if you hook up with the guy
and he's fucking terrible
or he's got a little dick
and all that type of shit
right
um
if he's not out there talking shit
for you to walk around fucking doing that too
that's another fucking asshole move
it's an asshole move
either way
and in this case
the guy's the asshole
so um
i don't know
you know something
if you can hang on until Thursday
i'll run it by Nia
uh
i'll have her on again
and i'll run it by her
it's just that she's still sleeping here
um