Name: Bill Burr - World Series 2016 | Cities With Multiple Sports Teams
Uploaded: 2016-11-01T14:26:36.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - World Series 2016 | Cities With Multiple Sports Teams' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-11-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - World Series 2016 | Cities With Multiple Sports Teams' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-11-01. Transcript available.

Yeah, I, and I gotta tell you something else, the fucking, watching this World
Series, I've gone back and forth, back and forth, and back and forth about who
the fuck I'm rooting for, I mean, how do you do it, one team's waiting fucking
70, not quite 70 years, right, 68 years, is that what it is, yeah, 68 years,
the other team hasn't even been to the fucking World Series in 71 years, and I
know what you guys are thinking, well Bill, you're a fucking Red Sox fan, how
come you're not for the Cubs, I was totally for the Cubs, until I saw the 30
for 30,
on fucking Bartman, and when I watched it, all of their, hey, let's play two,
you know, hey, you know, we're the lovable fucking losers, we always show up,
we just root for them, all of that went out the window, the way that they
fucking, what they did to that kid, I just looked at that shit going like, that's
exactly what would have happened to that, if someone in Boston did that, New
York, Philly, Cleveland, these Cubs fans, for all their fucking, you know, Mr.
Mr. Smith goes to Washington fucking Apple Pie and Chevrolet way that they did,
they're just like us, they're fucking animals, I'm not saying they're as bad as
Bills fans, or that fucking franchise, those cunts, that time I was wearing a
Patriots hat, it was the Bills Jets, I was rooting for the Bills, I'm taking a
piss in the bathroom, and somebody pushed me from behind while I was taking the
piss, what kind of a fucking coward, maybe there's a reason in the last four in
a fucking row, you know,
I used to think it was because of Maude Levy, he was just too nice to win a
fucking Super Bowl, and he went up against Jimmy Johnson, let's get him some
hookers and a Corvette, right,
um, and fucking, whatever that other guy's name is, Jerry Jones, with his real
housewife fucking looking face, good lord, that guy always looks like, you know,
he got like first degree burns on his face,
or maybe like slightly like into the second degrees, but he was like, alright,
he refused medical treatment, and he just put some salve on his face, um, I
know, I'm going hard this week, I don't know why,
so anyways, let me get back to the Cubs thing, so, right out of the gate, not
only is the country, it seems, for the Chicago Cubs,
it's kind of having this vibe of this foregone conclusion, that they're kind of
going to win this thing,
so, I have family, or I had family back in the day, out in Ohio, my grandmother
worked for the Cleveland Press, you know,
and, um, way back in the day, I had family, you know, I just had family bout
there, right,
and so, growing up, I kind of was, you know, I was always a Red Sox fan, but,
uh, you know, I kind of, you know,
through my relatives, also kind of rooted for the Indians, you know what I mean,
like, I didn't, I didn't mind the Indians,
even though they were in our division way back in the day, um, that and the
Tigers, you know what I mean,
just because of relatives, cousins, and all that shit, so, I was just like, you
know, I kind of like the fucking Indians,
and, you know, that Steve Bartman shit, like, the level that they took that to,
that's exactly what would have happened in Philly,
and all this shit, if it happened out in LA, that poor kid would have got
killed, you know what I mean,
or San Diego, or Sacramento, or Fresno, or one of these fucking lunatic fucking
cities out here,
where they take sports, Oakland, way too seriously, San Francisco, you know,
so, it made me just kind of fucking, sort of pull back, and then also, it's
like, I, you know what,
I'm kind of over these fucking cities that have two professional teams in one
sport, it's like,
Chicago won a World Series, they won it in 2005, and that whole fucking thing
where it's like,
well, that was just, that was for the south side of the city, so, what, you
need another one for the north side?
All right, fuck the White Sox and the Cubs, if one of them wins, just fucking
jump on a subway,
or walk three blocks downtown or uptown, and join the fucking parade already,
same thing with the Yankees and the Mets, the Lakers and the Clippers,
and everything in fucking New York, Giants, Jets, Yankees, Mets, fucking
Rangers, Islanders,
Knicks and Nets, just fuck off with that shit already, it's a New York team, if
they win, buy your championship hat,
and go down there, and just be happy, that, especially in New York, that you're
so fucking
filthy, stinking, fucking rich, that you can have eight teams where everybody
else
is doing backflips if they just have one in every sport, you know?
I don't know, isn't it amazing that New York has all those fucking teams and
they don't win that much?
You'd think that, Jesus Christ, you got eight at-bats every fucking year.
The fucking Yankees, I swear to God, are like the sugar daddy of New York City,
you know what I mean?
The Giants are the favorite, son, and everybody else is getting written out of
the will.
That's basically how it works with the sports in New York.
You know what? New York should get three teams in every fucking city.
Maybe they could fucking do something.
Other than the Yankees and the Giants, I have totally fucking respect for them,
but Jesus Christ, the fucking Knicks should combine with the Nets, you know?
Make like a fucking dream team of those two shit shows.
Same thing with the Rangers and the Islanders.
You know? I don't know.
The Jets and the Mets, I don't know what they should do.
They should both retire and they should start playing badminton.
Oh, Jesus, Bill.
So anyway, so I'm really fucking sitting there and I'm loving seeing Terry Francona
killing it.
And it gets all the way up to three games to one.
All right?
And I don't know.
Something happened, okay?
My Cleveland friends, comedians, one of them in particular, just starts,
he's just talking all this shit and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And he starts, we won the basketball.
Now we're going to win the baseball.
You know, you watch, we're going on a fucking run.
You got it with no fucking respect.
And he's talking to a fan from Boston.
You know what I mean?
It's just like, oh, you're going to win two in one fucking year.
Yeah, we did that.
We did that a couple of times.
And then we won every fucking, we did all of this other shit.
I'm not fucking throwing that in your face.
I'm always the guy going like, I don't know.
We'll see.
I don't know.
The other team's tough.
I never believe we're going to do it until we do it.
And then we do.
Then I'm fucking psyched.
And you can go back to my podcast.
I wasn't even a cunt when we beat Seattle.
So these guys are acting like such fucking cunts.
You know what I mean?
Oh, we got LeBron.
We're going to fucking do it again this year.
Oh, LeBron.
Oh, you mean the guy that you guys all burned his jersey and you're all done
with?
Verzi called that one.
Oh, Paul Verzi called that one.
Paul Verzi fucking when he was in Miami and these Cleveland fans were saying,
fuck that guy, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Verzi said to him, you guys are all going to be sucking his dick when he comes
back to town.
They were like, no way.
That's never going to happen.
Well, it's happening.
That whole city's on their fucking knees.
So anyways, so at some point after they went up three games to one, I went back
to the Cubs.
The reality is, is I don't give a shit who wins this fucking thing because it's
going to be great for one city.
It's going to be devastating for the other city.
Obviously, but so here's the deal.
This is what's at stake with this World Series.
If the Cubs win, the Indians become the Cubs.
They become the ones that have gone the fucking longest.
All right.
So they can't fucking lose.
All right.
If Cleveland wins.
All right.
Not only the Cubs, still the Cubs.
As far as my quick research showed me, the next people in line for second place
would be the Colt 45s slash Houston Astros that started in 1962.
In 1962, the Chicago Cubs were already 54 years into their drought.
Okay.
1962 is 54 years from where the fuck we are right now.
Right.
So the Astros are 54 years into their drought where the Cubs were in 1962.
And the Cubs are now twice that at 108.
I don't know what the fuck that means.
Does that mean that you should go play the lottery right now?
54, 62, 108.
I have no idea what that fucking means.
It's just, you know, one of those, one of those number things.
But I got to tell you, it's almost fitting that if the Cubs are going to win it,
that they would torture their fucking fans to this level.
And it's fitting that if the Indians were going to lose it, they would go up
three to one to lift their fucking team's hopes.
This is why I think the Cubs are going to win.
If Terry Francona wasn't in that dugout, the master.
By the way, he needs, that guy needs a nickname like the assassin.
He needs like a boxer nickname.
Like, remember, Lights Out, James Toney, you know, or the executioner, Bernard
Hopkins.
He needs a name like that.
It's just that he doesn't look like that.
But that's exactly what that guy is.
All right?
But what I'm saying is, because of what these teams have done to their fans,
it would be fitting that the fucking Cubs wouldn't just go in and win the
fucking thing
so their fans could just relax and finally enjoy a series.
They would have to go down three to one before they'd come back.
And then Cleveland couldn't just lose the series.
They'd have to go up three games to one.
So this is what's crazy about three.
You're up three games to one.
You're like, holy fuck.
You're starting to take the wire off the champagne bottle at that point, right?
But then all of a sudden, you fucking lose game five.
And just instantly, it's like, holy fuck.
If we lose the next one, it's all tied up.
So now the pressure is on the Indians.
I'll tell you, the Cubs are going in there.
They're playing loose.
They got nothing to lose other than fucking a 108-year drought.
I don't know who's on the mound.
I don't know what.
But I'm going to say the obvious.
The Cubs got to go.
They got to score early.
And make the fucking Indians tighten up.
That's what the fuck they got to do.
Or that's what's going to happen in game six.
Either the Cubs are going to score early.
Indians fucking tighten up.
And then lose the game.
And then we get a game seven.
Or if the Indians go up early, it's going to be a bloodbath.
It's going to be a shit show.
I'm hoping the first thing happens because I want to see a game seven against a
team that hasn't won in 108 years and a team that hasn't won in fucking, what
is it, 68 fucking years?
68 is adorable to a Red Sox fan.
That's fucking hilarious.
I don't give a fuck.
We were there in like the 70s, right?
What was 68 for us?
Or was that the Mets?
Let's see.
1918 to 1978.
That's 60 years.
Right?
And yeah, 86.
That was 1986.
So you're just at Bill Buckner.
Go fuck yourselves.
You know?
You're just at Bill Buckner.
As far as where I'm coming from, you got to go another fucking, another 18
years to 2004.
So I guess I won't root for the Indians.
No, I can't.
I fucking, I don't know.
My relatives got me into the Indians.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know who to root for here.
You know what I'm rooting for?
I'm rooting for a game seven.
I'm rooting for a game seven.
And then they're going to go up against each other.
And one team's finally going to win that critical game seven and get the monkey
off their back.
And then another one is just going to add another giant cinder block right on
the fucking hearts of their fans.
It's going to, oh God.
This one has train written all over it.