Name: Bill Burr - Congratulations Chicago Cubs | World Series 2016
Uploaded: 2016-11-04T14:19:22.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Congratulations Chicago Cubs | World Series 2016' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-11-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Congratulations Chicago Cubs | World Series 2016' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-11-04. Transcript available.

Bill Burr - Congratulations Chicago Cubs | World Series 2016

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the thursday afternoon
just before friday
monday morning podcast and i'm just checking in on you sorry cleo my dog just
popped up like
what the fuck dude what's going on everybody how are you how's it going do you
guys watch
any sports lately oh jesus what happened with the baseball there um jesus
christ what a difference
a couple of fucking days makes my god the fucking cleveland indians up three
games to one looking to
end their streak dude did i call it or did i fucking call it huh what did i say
did i say it to you guys
i thought i said that this is just fitting did i say that on monday because i
think it was three
games or two by then i said that whatever team was gonna fucking win was gonna
look like they were
gonna lose so they tortured the shit out of their fans and whatever team was
gonna lose was gonna
look like they were gonna win because they take their emotions right through
the fucking stratosphere
and then slam them right down on the pavement and game seven was literally the
microcosm that that
the way that whole fucking game played out was basically if you ever wanted to
know what it was
like to be a chicago cub or a cleveland indian fan and the only reason why they
both didn't face plan
each other is because mathematically it was not an option somebody had to win
the fucking thing but
neither team was just neither team was just gonna win this fucking series that
was basically it that
was the point i was trying to make the other day they were going to torture the
fuck out of their fans
to the point that even if they did win this thing you'd still have some sort of
nervous
fucking twitch or a tick for like three days afterwards jesus christ what a
game if you didn't
watch game seven i feel bad for you as a fucking human being you know as it's
fucking 71 degrees in
cleveland ohio in november then no reason to be concerned let's play ball oh jesus
enjoy it enjoy it
well last people before we get to the tipping point where this global warming
thing isn't a
fun thing in november anymore
anyways back to bread and circus let's talk a little baseball here talking
baseball um congratulations
to the 2016 world series champions the fucking chicago cubs
i never thought i'd yeah i didn't i mean i guess i thought i'd say it at some
point when i finally
saw the red sox win it congratulations to the cubs fans i've been there you
know and i only i only
last you know out of the 86 years i only saw 36 years of it right of course you
know whatever the
the first 10 you're just a kid running around fucking sticking
shit at fucking you know you're poking dead skunks and stuff you don't give a
fuck about a curse right some from my teen years on i i've suffered for 20
fucking years if i'm honest
uh i vaguely remember 78 and you know 86 was my was my christening as a red sox
fan like hey bill this
is what it's gonna be like buckle up right so i've been there and cleveland indian
fans my condolences
i've been there too i've been there too but what a game that was
jesus christ and you knew it the cubs had to go out early they had to score a
bunch of rungs
because as the game went on it was going to tip in favor of the indians because
they had they had
fresher arms and everybody was fucking shitting on uh oh fucking uh the guy
from the devil race i
don't know anybody's names by the way i don't know anybody's names to just
fucking deal with it
and they were all shitting on him for putting chapman in there i'm on the death
chart now so
i can look at the face and know who the i'm talking about right
if we keep putting chapman dude he's overusing him what is he doing it's like
dude they've played
three elimination games in a row you gotta use the guy don't you think he
brought him in a little too
early i love when people say that they haven't even coached a little league
fucking team to a victory
yet and they're questioning what a major league i mean i guess you can question
it but and it's always
like well the guy who i would have put in who didn't go in so you have no idea
what would have
happened if you put him in i'm gonna hypothetically say that we then would have
won the game or it would
have gone smoother so i look smarter they had to put that guy in there and um
what was what was the
big problem you put the guy in instead of throwing 105 he was throwing 98 i
mean well what are you gonna
do you had to do it cubs go up i can't remember what the happened there was so
many goddamn twists
and turns what was it it was like five to one then like a wild pitch or
whatever and
fucking lawhead jesus you want to see the funniest fucking if you want to see
the funniest
like like run of tweets go look at jason lawhead's twitter that guy he quit in
the fifth inning
you know i'm just gonna wait to the pitchers and catchers report right and then
two
seconds later wild pitch it's five to three it's still a game oh i never saw a
guy he just
well he was packing it in packing it in packing it in um and he said he wasn't
gonna tweet anymore
until the catchers and pitchers reported and then all of a sudden they fucking
tie it up
that home run who the i gotta get his name right the way it's cleveland's depth
jar davis right was
that who it was the left fielder holy and i gotta tell you something right now
i flip-flopped so many
times who the i wanted to see win initially i was with cleveland because
everybody wanted the cubs fans
i saw that 30 for 30 with bartman and i was just like you know what these guys
they're not the
fucking uh salt of the earth people that they try to make them out to be the
happy-go-lucky take your
shirt off maybe we win maybe we lose as long as we enjoy the america's pastime
these aren't who
these people are they're just like me every red sox every yankees every philly
fan i actually argued
with the uh yankee fan today was going like the cubs that steve bartman they
ruined that kid's life
that wouldn't have happened in new york i was like get the out of here that
wouldn't have happened in
new york what happened in new york it would happen in boston but you know what
in fairness to cubs fan
base what that really was was the morning you know the shock jock guys and what
they did was they they
stirred up the lower 10 15 percent of people you know as pissed as i would be
or whatever there's no
way would you really get on a phone and start making death death threats i mean
really think about
the level of mouth breathing moron that you would have to be to take it to that
level um
so i i don't so whatever so initially that's kind of i was i'm a contrarian
everyone's for the cubs
so i was rooting for the indians and then what happens they went up three games
to one
and i'm texting with a couple of my indian buddies and one of them it she's
just so
fucking like you know when you they were winning uh game four and it was like
you know i don't
nine to something and he was going to do it i i hope i hope it goes all the way
up to like
fucking i would score 19 runs i hope they run out of pitchers immediately i was
thinking like jesus christ
how quickly the suffering forget why would you wish that on him you just want
to win
right and then he was going like now we got lebron this is just the beginning
we're going to go on a
run like they were going to stick and and somebody tweeted or texted cleveland
title town after two
fucking titles you don't even have a hockey team and then the browns don't you
you lost your team you know the city treated him so shitty they thought baltimore
was a better
fucking option all right you're far from fucking so then they started bugging
me i'm just a contrarian
cunt i didn't have a dog in the fight and i was happy that one to be honest
with you i was happy
for cleveland or chicago that one team's uh misery was going to end right so at
that point then i was
like well fuck this i'm gonna root for the cubs right i got a couple of
relatives they're cubs fans i
gotta say fuck it you know i'll go with this shit then i was kind of like yeah
but i like the indians
man i like i like cleveland you know cleveland needs a fucking hand dude that
downtown area it's
gradually coming back every time i come there it looks better i love the midwest
well chicago's
midwest too but i don't know that's kind of like the new york city of the midwest
um tremendously
underrated city still but anyways so it's still kind of hanging in there for
him and uh
you know what the final tipping point was when mike francesca trashed the
fucking cubs for showing bill
murray going like i don't want to see that you know and the whole bill murray
uh daffy duck thing uh
you know it didn't work for me mike francesca who gives a fuck what works for
you and what doesn't
your team's not in the playoff all right you're a non-factor your team's a non-factor
it's the funniest fucking thing man yankee fans they cannot handle the fact
that other people are
winning championships and having a good fucking time and that's sort of the unwritten
rule because
whenever the yankees win a world series which god knows is quite a bit like espn
their their stock
line is they'll go and all is right in the baseball world again it's like aren't
you guys supposed to
pretend that you're kind of rooting for any you're not really rooting for
anybody um
so anyways fuck mike francesco mike francesco he's one of those guys who doesn't
realize that
he's just as stupid as i am he's one of those guys where he's just been doing
it so long
that he really he forgets that he's just commenting on that doesn't matter
dude you're talking about a baseball game okay all the that has happened even
in new york
new york city all the that's happened there the cataclysmic world events that
have happened there
and the level of seriousness that that guy takes himself oh with his stethoscope
fucking headphones that guy he drives me up the fuck i've never been more happy
than for
fucking mad dog when he got the fuck out of there jesus christ to be looking
across from that pompous
ass is there anything worse than the box seats fucking sports fan that is just
so
fucking impressed with themselves and their dumb sweaters and shit i don't know
you give them a little
more fancier seat i'm telling you it's it's like the space shuttle for their
ego and they just go right
up over yeah the daffy duck thing didn't work for me oh oh god well maybe maybe
the cubs ought to
you know rethink their relationship with bill murray
hey mike are you the bill murray of of sports broadcasters
jack off he's just another guy who watches sports and never gets on a treadmill
i don't understand how
can you look at all those guys in that level of shape and when you're at the
end of the game when
you're going to brush your teeth you don't look at yourself like jesus christ
can i at least eat a
fucking salad every once in a while oh this feels great this feels great to
totally overreact to
what he said it's a fun thing so anyways um congratulations to the chicago cubs
you got the
fucking goat off your back whatever the fuck you want to call it was the dumbest
curse ever okay you can't
bring livestock to a baseball game all right you know what you really did is
you did not have a curse the
same way the red sox didn't have a curse what it really was was you were fans
of an unbelievably
inept franchise for a long fucking time and uh thank god you know we finally
got theo epstein we
finally got terry francona we finally got the ownership that the red sox have
and it all came
together and we finally did what teams like the fucking yankees the cardinals
the patriots teams like
that that know how to win well actually can't say the patriots that's even
modern modern era the celtics
back in the day um you know as much as i hate the fucking yankees like they're
they're their front
office their ownership their franchise their farm system it's the it is the
um you can't get mad at them for starting their own network for being smart
enough to 