Name: Bill Burr - The Mannequin Challenge | Nico Rosberg And Grabby Cabbies
Uploaded: 2016-11-29T21:48:39.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - The Mannequin Challenge | Nico Rosberg And Grabby Cabbies' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-11-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - The Mannequin Challenge | Nico Rosberg And Grabby Cabbies' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-11-29. Transcript available.

Bill Burr - The Mannequin Challenge | Nico Rosberg And Grabby Cabbies

hey what's going on it's bill burn it's time for the monday morning podcast for
monday november
28th 2016 that i'm doing on november 29th a tuesday what's going on how are ya
um i am okay
in case you were wondering i got a little uh i don't know i got a little i've
been fighting
off this car for like two fucking weeks who's kidding who right and i uh you
know i was fighting
it off and it was getting worse and nia kept going why don't you take some
medicine why don't you take
take some of this mucinex all right holy shit hat fucking my hat's off to
anybody that can get
fucking drunk off of that stuff jesus christ that's like peppermint schnapps
times fucking 20.
it really is mucinex is like schnapps on steroids it's just you know one of the
you know the other
guys have these dumb challenges like the mannequin challenge i don't understand
what is the challenge
just hold still as somebody pans around the room that's a fucking challenge how
the fuck did we go
from faking a lunar landing faking that faking out the whole fucking russians
they got so freaked out
that they they went they went on a hissy fit for the next fucking 30 years
before they finally went
broke right in the early 90s because we we accepted the challenge of the faking
of the lunar land maybe
we even got there the lunar land landing challenge now we're fucking oh the
mannequin oh planking yeah i
lay face down and somebody takes a picture of me oh dude that's epic jesus
christ i don't know this
you what the you know what it is is these fucking goddamn cunts young people
these days you know no offense
right god bless you let's say fucking spend their whole lives with these
fucking reality virtual reality
goddamn things on their head they're playing video games they don't have any
skills the second you
take the fucking laptop you take the fucking laser tag thing the paint gun
whatever the fuck technology
is the thing that you know that new thing that that they're trying to get old
people into
the virtual reality like like living a fucking life is it isn't enough
like i want to leave this fucking world really you saw it all huh
you've been to venice rode a boat through the fucking canal you haven't done
shit
all right so this is the deal they don't fucking know how to fucking do
anything
this is such an old man rant yeah they don't know how to do anything they're
just fucking literally
laying face down in the road you know and somebody takes a picture is is this
is it's epic
it's fucking epic granted in the 70s they did have pet rocks so i might be full
of shit but you know
what it is the great thing about being old is you lack perspective when you
talk about anything new
you just like that's different it scares me um i don't get the mannequin
challenge i don't you know
and that that was like that when they also had the uh whatever the harlem shake
was initially it was a
dance and then it was just that stupid youtube thing the ice bucket challenge
all of that shit you
know if your instincts aren't immediately to not be part of the group um i don't
know what that says
about you i don't know what it says about me that i immediately ice bucket or
everybody's doing it
well then fuck it i'm not doing it oh anti-social sick freckled-headed bald cunt
what's wrong with you
today hang on a second ricola yeah so i've been fighting this fucking thing off
you know i have a bad
feeling it might be what this cigar that i got that there's something in there
some sort of bacteria
because i was fine and then i smoked with verzi on his birthday and then i
smoked with bobby kelly at
fucking comics come home back-to-back nights and then i just had this fucking
cough you know it's not
like he inhaled the goddamn things it's not like i smoke one every fucking day
i smoke one like once
every two weeks oh they've been a little bit of a bender okay um so anyway so
sunday night
you know it's been a good 15 days since i smoked all right i'll smoke another
one went down with my
buddy we watched the broncos chiefs game arguably the greatest sunday night
football game ever
i lost track of how many fucking lead changes there were um just you know and i
wasn't drinking i
haven't drank since thanksgiving i kind of bottomed out thanksgiving right you
know let's back i had a
great thanksgiving by the way it's great fucking thanksgiving um we ended up
did i talk about that
already i think i already did maybe i didn't i don't remember oh i started
talking i hadn't gone to
it yet that's right that's what it was listen to this shit we went to somebody
else's for thanksgiving
and everything was fucking delicious every side was fucking not only delicious
it was a home run
it's the best thanksgiving i've had since i've been a kid when i ate at my my
parents house you know
my mother cooks so it just automatically tastes right because that's the only
thanksgiving you know
right but that once you move out you're eating other people's food and no
matter what it's always a
little bit different it's not quite the same you get that feeling of fuck it's
over i have to pay rent
now i'm gonna get old right i'm gonna be that person what happened to him and
then i fucking die
and blah blah blah blah blah and all that bullshit right so anyways um we had a
great fucking thanksgiving
and i had this fucking bottle of bourbon that i brought that was my
responsibility who the fuck is my
phone i gotta give this thing a shout out man you know they say you can't judge
a book
by by its fucking cover um i actually judged this bottle just by how cool the
fucking bottle looked
so let me scroll through my it was called angels and something or other by the
way it rained like a
motherfucker out here and i have water collecting up on my roof again fucking cunts
it's unbelievable
it's just fucking it's just it's just not even right so i gotta get the third
fucking people out here
to see if they know how to fix it ah god damn it i thought i took a picture of
it no i gotta find it
hang on a second you know i'm gonna hit pause i'll hit pause all right i found
it angels envy
it's a kentucky bourbon god damn it was that delicious and uh me and two other
people uh we finished the
bottle and uh i don't know i got like to my last one and i was just like you
know what i think this uh
i think it's time for me to shut it down you know every once in a while the
drinking just gets a
little bit too fucking far and then i just shut it down so i walked away cold
turkey
thanksgiving night cold turkey i fucking walked away from it and uh you know i'm
not gonna lie to you
i miss it it's only been four days i'm still thinking about you sending it
letters and shit
um yeah i'm just gonna shut it down probably until um i'd say maybe the rose
bowl new year's day or
whatever i already got to shut it down i got a fucking kid coming so it's over
you know what you
know what people i gotta be honest i had a great run i got the stories you know
i spent a few uh few
hours in jail i mean i've done you know went to court i had the whole you know
had to apologize to
people i i had a very full experience with alcohol you know talked to some
chicks that were way out of
my league you know i i did it i had the whole thing you know
stayed on the outskirts of bar fights to make sure that i didn't get pummeled
so that's it so anyways um believe it or not as bad as my cough sounds it's way
better than it was
fucking yesterday i was gonna wasn't gonna put you through that shit so anyways
so sunday night
yeah i smoked another one of those cigars and yesterday i woke up i just was
having a fucking
coffin fit granted i was already run down so yesterday um i didn't do shit i
gotta tell you
that was like the greatest six hours of my life not doing shit but somewhere in
that six hours after
the six hours i was going out of my fucking mind i don't know how you guys do
it you know not you
guys just whoever the fuck is out there that just can just truly take a goddamn
day off i go fucking
nuts after six hours it was great i laid there i watched like two three
episodes of um westworld
getting caught up i'm up to like episode uh six i'm gonna watch today right and
um loving that show
although you can't watch more than two or three in a day it's just too much man
it's like just gotta be
you know it's a lot of shit going on to kind of take in and then also having
now doing my own little
show that's only a half hour when i look at that show i just think of like how
fucking long did it
take them to do this and i'm gonna sit here and i'm gonna watch it in two days
and then be that douche
going when season two coming out you know it's like it's a fine bottle of wine
and i'm just gonna
chug the thing you know after the third glass i'm not really tasting it anymore
because i'm so hammered
i might as well be drinking like fucking red white and blue beer or some shit
right just doesn't seem
right so anyways that's what i did yesterday and um i'm feeling much better
thank christ so um by the
way today is november 29th which is uh the five-year anniversary since the
passing of one of the
funniest and greatest people i haven't met patrice o'neill and speaking of
which there are still uh some
tickets left for the uh the fifth annual patrice o'neill comedy benefit um all
the proceeds after
we pay for the uh the venue of course our only expense um you know goes to all
of his loved ones
it's been a tremendous success and this year we have we have um let's get the
whole line up here for
god's sakes for god's sakes we got leslie jones we got rich foss we got bobby
kelly keith robinson
gary gullman dan soda soda right and myself um it's gonna be another great year
of um
i'm just getting to see all those people you know i never get to see them
anymore because i'm always out
here gigging on the road are living out here in la ba ba ba ba ba ba so um that's
going to be uh
tuesday february 21st at the new york city center and um you know it's just a
it's just a great event
and um thank you to everybody who's come to it in the past years and um you
guys have done a wonderful
thing um keeping all his loved ones comfortable and uh very proud of that whole
charity thing
because um you know as tragic as it was that he was gone i'm very proud of the
fact that all of his
friends stepped up and that all of his loved ones are comfortable because i
know that that's what he
would have been concerned with so with that um i'm actually doing another
benefit for those you can't
make it to new york city if you're in the la area and you would like to um you'd
like to help out on
another benefit i have another buddy of mine that died so what happens when you
get into your 40s man
it's fucking brutal is a couple your buddies die too young man it's awful this
guy pete cummin i started
out with him in um 1992 um did stand up with him from 92 to 99 and then he
moved on to writing with
national lampoon he did some stuff for the ufc just a great guy unfortunately
um had a heart attack a few weeks ago and about a month ago so uh tuesday december
6th at the laugh factory
i'll be doing a headlining set there and um a bunch of pete's friends from back
in the day a bunch of comics
we haven't all been on the same show in forever probably 20 years will be uh
going on um earlier
in the night uh it's going to be a great thing and uh it's a memory of him so
there you go so enough
with the uh friends of mine that have passed away unfortunately um let's talk
about some shit here
i fight i gotta uh i gotta give a shout out to fucking nico rosberg winning his
first formula one
championship um the final few laps of that race were amazing right for those of
you who are not into it
basically what the situation was lewis hamilton had won the last three nico rosberg
had never won
they both drive for mercedes okay so nico's the young upstart lewis is the grizzled
vet even though
they're both fucking young it was kind of like days of thunder if both both
people look like
fucking tom cruise is basically 