Name: Bill Burr - Do You Have A Plan? God Has A Plan...
Uploaded: 2016-12-02T16:30:43.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Do You Have A Plan? God Has A Plan...' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-12-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Do You Have A Plan? God Has A Plan...' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-12-02. Transcript available.

hey what's going on it's bill burr what's going on huh um it's uh what the fuck
is it it's um
it's time for the thursday afternoon just before friday monday morning podcast
it
i'm just checking in on you i'm just checking in on you just seeing how your
week's going
huh is it going the way you planned it did you have any plans think about that
that's like some
self-help shit think about that people like when you start your work week do
you have a plan
i mean other than getting in your car kissing your wife or or or or a husband
or or or or a partner or
and you drive down the street and and and and you get yourself a coffee
and you're going to work but but do you have a plan beyond just taking the
vessel that holds your soul
into that workplace do you have a plan because i'll tell you right now god has
a plan
god has a plan for you and you and you and each and every one of you but you
have to listen
how can we know what our plan is what his plan is for us
if we don't listen
that right there is why i don't go to church the the the use of of vocal
dynamics
they always get way up
then they come in for the whisper right that's how it works that's called the
sandusky
i'm sorry everyone from penn state i know your team's ranked i know you're
thinking you're gonna
fucking somehow slip and slide your way out of the horrors of that shower and
that no
sports fan like me is gonna bring it up oh no it's gonna be brought up jesus
christ i'm gonna
take all the i took for some air pressure
you know you think you're gonna take down one goddamn statue we all know you're
gonna put it
back up one of these days we all know joey pa's coming back up where you gonna
put it huh
where you gonna put it probably in the boosters room right where they bring all
the money in
they're all sitting there going it's okay joe you didn't know what
we all know you never took a shower in 60 years why am i why am i doing this i
you know what i don't
know why because i got a bunch of to do today and that's the first thing that
came to my head
you know why because god god has a plan for me he has a plan for me to go on
this podcast
each and every thursday and just check in on your week that's my mission
i did the half hour cardio this morning do it with me here you go everybody i'm
doing a half hour
cardio every day every day i'm getting on that elliptical and i'm gonna try to
lose two pounds a
week drop eight pounds get my fat freckled ass down to about a buck 75 sliding
into the new year
you know why because god god wants you to be skinny he doesn't want you one of
the seven deadly sins
is that spaghetti old fatty motherfucker laying face down in his bowl of from
that movie seven
and i'm gonna kind of keep my eye on the celtics i know we got sacramento next
um but uh you know
what's so fucking dumb was that complete non-story of our center al horford
getting criticized for
for missing uh i think he missed the miami heat game because he because you
know he was with his wife
because she was giving birth to his daughter oh jesus who has the fucking nerve
to call me during my
podcast don't you know god has a plan who is it
people when you walk away from your recorder always make sure you take off your
headphones
because if you don't you're gonna yank that right across the room and then you're
gonna have all that
silence that you just heard unless i took the time to edit it out which i
probably will i'll probably do
you a solid and i know what a lot of you millennials are probably saying
actually i don't know what you're
saying you know you're probably too busy having a fucking uh doing the mannequin
challenge or something
else really important um why talk down to the youth bill why would you do that
huh is it because you're
you're every day creeping towards death um i know what you you fucking
technological douchebags are
probably thinking why don't you just get some wireless headphones you know why
because i think i got enough
satellites pointed at my head how about that i got enough signals going in
there i can't remember
i've had this cough for two weeks so you know what i'm blaming wireless
headphones
yeah do you think god has a plan for you
because i'm here to tell you that he does
i feel like in another lifetime you could have been one of those tv evangelists
i could literally do it
as a joke and just to see how far i'd get and in the end i gave everybody their
money back but then
they'd be mad at me yeah i'm just with you i don't know if you're gonna go to
hell or not here's your
money back i'm just joshing you i'm just kidding remember when jesus died and
then he came back
like, ah, just fucking with you.
That's what I was doing.