Name: Bill Burr - Advice: Girlfriend's Texts
Uploaded: 2016-12-26T22:38:48.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: Girlfriend's Texts' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-12-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: Girlfriend's Texts' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-12-26. Transcript available.

all right here we go girlfriend texts hey bill i'm in in a bit of a tough
situation i think you
are you wrote in twice and would love to hear your take on it uh i'm 24 years
old and was
recently seeing a 33 year old girl whoa i love it but i do do do do do come and
rub my fucking
balls you are fucking nine years older um for about six months uh within the
time span i cheated
on her twice i told her about it and although she was upset we agreed to get
back together and start
over anew uh everything was relatively fine until last week i went to her house
before she got off
of work to do some work on her computer when i noticed her text messages opened
uh-oh mac computers
are usually linked to a person's phone so i was able to see all of her texts i'm
sure you know by
now where this is going oh jeez um since she has gone through my text before i
figured i would take
the same evasive liberty well you've around on it twice i would think that she
would be doing that
uh i found a particularly strange thread from someone named lauren whom i found
out was actually
her ex-boyfriend and she had it in her phone in a woman's name oh god they were
sexting back and
forth talking dirty and exchanging pictures i also found out she was sending
him videos of us having sex
what the what the whoa dude that's i don't think that's legal
is that legal wait did you consider oh wait how does that work if you consensually
let somebody
if you didn't know you were being filmed i don't think that that's legal
this is what i do know i'm not a lawyer and i have no idea what the law is all
right let's continue
i confronted her on it and at first she minimized the entire situation saying
it wasn't really that big
of a deal since then we've been going back and forth arguing you know what you
guys are both like not
ready to be in relationships remotely and thank god you both found this out
before you got married and
had kids she since apologized but i'm not really sure what to do i did cheat on
her so does that even the
the playing field or is the whole thing just rooted in dysfunction and chaos
there you go walk towards
the light i can't tell if i'm just lonely and want her in my life again or if i
should just walk away
please help me here i am emotionally involved in this situation so it's hard to
make a clear objective
call dude just walk away walk away and you need to do some work on yourself
because uh i think you're
a fucked up dude um and i'm saying this with empathy uh you're a fucked up dude
who's actually
a relationship guy and probably would have just gotten married and fucking had
your own little
fucking fruit stand or whatever but something fucked up happened to you as a
kid you got weird boundaries
so you get into relationships with dysfunctional fucking people and then you
can consider continue to
fuck around on the side and all that the it's um it's actually a very common
thing so i would say uh
what you need is you need to be single and uh you need to do some work on
yourself i maybe would go to
therapy figure out what your deal is really figure out what the fuck it is that
you want in life and
what it is that you're looking for and then just take a baby step every day
walking towards it that's what
i would do but i would get out of this relationship um and i would give her the
same advice too um there
you go yeah get out of it and uh and just know that you're gonna be fucking
lonely but all it takes is
like you know two to three months you'll be fine you know what i mean just make
yourself go to the gym
what you got to do is you're breaking a routine and you're fucking used to this
person being in your life
but like the further you go without seeing that person the more objective you
can be and you can
look back and then one day you're just gonna be like what the was i thinking um
and it can actually
be funny to you or you can really just see like like uh like what the is wrong
with me that
i would do that to a person and what is wrong with me that someone would do
that to me and
and I would consider staying.
You need some self-esteem there, buddy.