Name: The Beautiful Vocal Stylings of Bill Burr Part 5
Uploaded: 2017-01-01T06:47:26.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Beautiful Vocal Stylings of Bill Burr Part 5' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-01-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Beautiful Vocal Stylings of Bill Burr Part 5' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-01-01. Transcript available.

America first! Every other place is the worst!
Rather be in a fuckin' hearse than to live in another country!
She's been to Paris and he's been to Rome
And you been to London but that ain't home to me!
America first! Every other place is worse!
Rather be in a fuckin' hearse than to live in another country!
Robots fucking people!
People dress like cowboys!
I got the best of both worlds!
I'm lookin' at the man in the mirror!
Shamu!
I got the best of both worlds!
Believe me!
Ba-do-do-do-do-do-do!
Ka-ka-do-do-do-do-do-do!
Chim-chim-chim-chim-chim-chim-chim-chim-chim-chiru!
The lifer of a fuckin' sweeper!
That's what I wanna do!
City sidewalks!
Pretty ladies!
Everybody walkin' around!
Spendin' money on people that annoy them!
Take your dick out!
At a charger game!
Rub it up and fuckin' down!
Just hear those sleigh bells ring-a-ling-ting-ting-ting-a-ling too!
Come on and rub one out fuckin' cheerleader or two!
Keep it rubbin', keep it rubbin' while everyone watches!
I had the time of my life when Patrick Swayze sat on Whoopie!
Oh, I made a pot plant!
I had the time of my life when I fucked you next to this fuckin' dumpster!
Oh, I saw a rat when you bent me over!
No!
Ba-da-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo!
Come and rub my fuckin' balls!
You are fuckin' nine years older!
Silver bells!
Leaving your family!
Going to get a hooker!
While the goose cools!
Double life!
Serial killer!
Cops show up one day and you confess to forty other killings!
And your wife says, "Who the fuck are you?"
What did I do with the last three decades?
And you stare at her with no feeling behind your eyes!
What I am is what I am and what you are or what we are!
When something goes wrong!
I'm the first to admit it!
I'm the first to admit it!
But the last one to know!
Whoa, whoa!
When something goes right!
Oh, it's like you lose me!
It's apt to confuse me!
It never rains in California!
But boy, don't they warn ya!
It pours!
Man, it pours!
But let's dance!
Put on your red shoes!
And dance the blues!
Spinning wheel!
Turning brown!
Giving me no internet!
You fuckin' cunt!
Ba-na-ba!
Let's go, freckles!
You fuckin' douche!
Go get a tan!
No one wants to see your fuckin' pasty legs at the beach!
Show me the way to go home!
Bum-bum!
I'm tired and I wanna go to bed!
Come on, baby!
Yeah!
Let's do the twist!
No!
Twist again!
Like we did last summer!
When I need love!
I hold out my hand!
And I touch love!
It's something!
It's something!
It's something!
When I need love!
And don't it make my brown eyes blue!
Why do people put shit on the walls?
All it does is crack the fuckin' plaster there!
But if you don't have pictures on the wall,
People think you have bodies in the basement!
Who can turn the world on with her hat?
Who can take a double breast and not look so fuckin' fat?
Well, it's you bitch and you should know it!
You used to call me on your cell phone!
You used to!
You used to!
I know when you're not like me!
It can only mean one thing!
I used to!
I used to!
You used to!
You used to!
You used to!
Look at my face!
some flowers and a box of chocolate and you won't blow me what the fuck do I
have to fucking do
who can turn the world on with her clam who can take another job suddenly make
it all seem
worthwhile well it's you bitch and you should know it with each little glance
and movement you're
showing first he's fucking back he made a pizza the summer wind it came blowing
in from across
that sea and lingered there to touch your hair and motherfucking walk with me
all summer long
we sang a song and then we did some other shit old freckles is going back to
his fucking house
his fucking house with the leaky roof that he had to repair those fucking cunts
those contracting
cunts that goes on and on so call Adam Carolla he'll kick their ass but then
you look like a sap on
cunts that goes on TV ba dee ba dee doop cause you're the douchebag that had to
call Adam Carolla
cause you're not big enough of a man to tell the contractor go fuck himself
despite the fact
you're ugly and your calves are really fat I don't like your freckles but it's
not about all that
cause inside you're fucking beautiful and I'd let you suck my dick in the back
of the tour bus
but you gotta go out the window air Canada we have a leaf on the tail that
represents what our nation's
is about throw in some syrup and some mild racism and a couple of terrorists
trying to cross the border
we play hockey and that ice shovel board that I can't remember the name of
who's our president no one fucking cares keep heading north and you'll meet
Santa Claus or get mauled by
a fucking polar bear that fucked a grizzly bear
borderline
feel like I'm going to lose my mind
borderline
feels like I'm showing off my behind
take it look at my fucking 57 year old titties
it's like the ceiling collapsing on you when you're working out
it's getting your period and having no tampon
it takes two to make a thing go right
where were you
when I needed you
something something bitch
right
so fuck you
you're a fucking whore
I don't need your shit anymore
it's so hard
to be all alone
I know you're something
yeah
oh
I
I love the jeopardy
stuck on you
you made a fucking robot
now it's choking you off with your dick
and you deserve it
mighty glad you stayed
Zimbabwee soon will be converting you to Mormon
do do do you
where were you when I needed you
you were sucking fucking dick
hey
when she goes down on you in a theater
do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do
take on me
take on me
like me
oh
oh god
oh lord
keep in mind
that Jesus Christ
has died for us
and has risen from the grave
he did it all for you
there's no way
for you to thank him