Name: Bill Burr - Brushing Your Teeth (British Dentistry)
Uploaded: 2017-02-06T12:01:54.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Brushing Your Teeth (British Dentistry)' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-02-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Brushing Your Teeth (British Dentistry)' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-02-06. Transcript available.

All right, British dentistry.
Hey, Bill, I remember hearing that you used to be a dentist before your stand-up
career took off.
So I have a dental question for you.
I was not a dentist, but I love that you put that out there, and that'll
probably end up on my Wikipedia page.
I don't know why we British don't take dental care seriously.
I have pretty decent teeth for a British person, probably in the top 15% of
people, British people, that is.
I always brush twice a day unless I get drunk and forget sometimes after going
out drinking.
But I noticed that when I was in America, my teeth were shit.
What the fuck are you lot over there in the land of McDonald's and Coca-Cola
doing to keep your teeth so clean?
Is there toothpaste in the water supply?
Well, there was fluoride.
Sometimes they put in too much, and people got those white spots in their teeth.
Seriously, do you lot live at the dentist?
A lot, meaning all you guys.
Even the working class over in America seem to have good teeth.
Yeah, we do.
Well, I mean, braces are a big thing over here.
I don't know if you guys have those over there yet.
Those are a big thing.
People also can get their teeth bleached.
Caps are a lot better than they used to be.
Yeah, but at the end of the day, dude, you got to brush your teeth after you
eat.
And there's certain things like drinking coffee.
I guess your tea over there would probably stain the shit out of them.
I'll tell you one that's fucking brutal.
Red wine.
Red, red wine.
Make your teeth gray.
Yeah, just brush and floss.
You know, I got this life insurance test coming up because I'm getting my
affairs in order now that I got a kid.
They told me, they said, have you been to the dentist?
And I said, yes.
And I said, was there any gum disease?
And I said, no.
And they said, that's good.
I said, oh, they're worried about my teeth falling out.
And they said, no, gum disease can be a sign of something wrong with your heart.
I was like, what?
I never heard that.
Never heard that.
I know if you had fucked up teeth, that usually led to you not chewing your
food as well, which led to stomach problems and then problems with your
intestine and then down to your ass.
It's all fucking connected.
But I had never heard of that.
So anyways, he said, to put in perspective how bad some British people are with
dental hygiene, I know someone who would only brush their teeth once or twice a
week.
I had to buy them an electric toothbrush as a not so subtle hint that not
brushing your teeth is fucking disgusting.
I guess there's a lot of truth to stereotypes.
P.S.
I'll be amazed if you actually managed to read this without stuttering, you illiterate
fuck.
Ah, you know something.
If that whole fucking thing was just to get that joke in, that was an absolute
masterpiece.
You know, if you actually just pick that subject, British dentistry, just to
fool us so we would actually read it.
It was all self-deprecating just to the end, just to call me a fucking illiterate
fuck.
A stuttering illiterate fuck is great.
That was tremendous.
I don't even know if you're serious anymore, but yeah, that's...
Listen, when I worked in a dental office, all I did was just hand the shit.
I was an assistant.
I was certified to take x-rays.
I wasn't a hygienist.
I wasn't any of that other shit.
So anyways, yeah, that was one of my first jokes.
This guy came in and the guy was like, you know, I don't understand what's
wrong with my teeth.
I mean, I brush my teeth almost every day.
And my joke was, oh, really?
Do you wipe your ass almost every time you take a shit?
I mean, come on, people.
Is this thing on?
It's one of my first jokes, everybody.
That was a, what do they call it?
Throwback Thursday?
Actress paying alimony.
If you just brush your fucking teeth, I think you'll be fine.
You know, and especially before you go to bed.
To just like go out drinking and doing all that shit and then just go to bed
and just let
that shit just get in.
Ugh, it's gross.
It's fucking gross.
You should brush floss and you should use mouthwash, you know?
And then you should find a fucking woman that does the same thing and that's
the person you
should be kissing over there.
Everybody else, I don't know.
Jesus Christ.
Oh my God, that's fucking gross.