Name: Bill Burr - The Art Of Knocking | Sleeping On The Road | Duke vs UNC
Uploaded: 2017-02-10T16:48:09.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - The Art Of Knocking | Sleeping On The Road | Duke vs UNC' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-02-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - The Art Of Knocking | Sleeping On The Road | Duke vs UNC' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-02-10. Transcript available.

Bill Burr - The Art Of Knocking | Sleeping On The Road | Duke vs UNC

hey what's going on it's bill burrow and it's time for the thursday afternoon
just before friday
monday morning podcast and i'm just checking in on you just checking in on you
seeing how your
week's going how's your week going huh did your fucking team have another
championship parade like
mine did well you know what i wish it did why the fuck should my town have all
the goddamn success
you know it's fucking unbelievable i still can't believe you won that fucking
game but i'm not
going to go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on about it
um i'm in charlotte
north carolina came in a day before the comedy zone gig i went to the uh charlotte
hornets versus
the brooklyn nets you know and when you try to go to a home game sorry i'm
gonna i don't have my
fucking microphone so i'm just recording right off my laptop so anytime i click
on something
might be goddamn issue um but uh when you're trying to do what it is that i've
been doing
which is to basically go to all of the uh to go to a home game of every fucking
team in all four
major sports every once in a while you got to go to a game that's not the best
game you got to go see
a couple of franchises that even though they've had their moments this is not
their time they are
they're currently rebuilding and that's what that's what happened when we saw
the charlotte hornets
play the brooklyn nets um a couple nights ago jesus christ
it was it was just like it was i don't know i don't know what it was it was
like a fucking wnba game
wnba at its worst in the first couple of seasons you know where they they just
didn't look good i mean
they look way better now the fundamentals and all that if you watch any the wnba
but those first few
years i couldn't understand why it looked so bad because women's college
basketball looked better
than the wnba but jesus christ charlotte vs brooklyn jesus did i say that
enough time
oh jesus this is how fucking boring that game was the kids that played at halftime
was fucking more exciting because they were running the court big smiles on
their faces it was fucking
hilarious the game was hilarious the game was like something like you know 16
to 14 and it was all layups
it was just all fucking run in the court layups it was tremendous and um but
anyways last night uh we went to um
you know we were at the comedy zone and uh i did the smartest thing i've ever
done
on the road in a long time was when the show was over i just went home and i
went to fucking bed
um because the charlotte brooklyn night you know i had a couple of pops
about 17 and uh the next day i woke up i'm like what what am i doing
what the fuck am i doing okay i got a newborn at home i can't get any goddamn
sleep i'm on the road
now i should be like a like a fucking sober as a church mouse and just go right
to bed and that's
what i did last night fucking phenomenal other than the goddamn fucking
cleaning ladies coming by every
10 minutes yeah they didn't this place i'm staying it doesn't have the fuck off
sign
um so they just keep coming housekeeping i love how they fucking knock right
housekeeping and then
immediately open the goddamn door there's that there's the lost art of knocking
on a door waiting
for a response and then coming in somewhere along the line these goddamn kids
today oh yeah i just said
that these goddamn kids they think the fact they just knocked that they can
just means they can then
enter the room you knock you wait for somebody to say you know hang on a second
or blah blah blah blah
you don't just knock on a fucking door and walk in you got to give the person
the chance
you know put their dick away or something you know well who knows what they're
doing
maybe they're just sitting there in their underwear
right i don't fucking know but you fucking knock and you wait and then you
enter
sorry just saying fucking can't stand that's one of my pet peeves in life
people who knock and then
they just fucking walk in um that shit or if you know when you go into to a
parking spot you know
where two cars could fit and you just stick your fucking cunt car right in the
middle of both so
no one can fit two cars can't fit anymore unless you're driving a smart car um
so anyways tonight
you're probably thinking jesus bill after uh that patriots super bowl how could
your sport
how could your sports world get any better you know what i mean well after a a
major dip
i believe on monday which i think they they did on purpose because the bruins
had a little gap in
their schedule and with all the buzz about the new england patriots excuse we
have yardage here
be a good time to get rid of uh claude julian and uh i just want to thank coach
julian for uh
being the best bruins coach since i've been watching him um for the last you
know close to 40 years
um oh jesus oh it's verzi everybody hey verzi i'm doing my podcast
all right um you're gonna be done within an hour you think or no uh this is
just the thursday one
i'll be done in like a half hour all right cool i'm gonna eat some eggs and
shit and then if you
want to go for a steam hey paul you go eat those eggs and then i'll meet you
for a steam
all right we got breakfast coming in like 20 when it's done i'll call you okay
all right buddy
okay pal okay pal all right there cutie
anyways um the fuck the fuck was i talking about um yeah
claude julian jesus christ i've never seen a guy more of a victim of the gm and
for the
i do not understand that fucking move whatsoever you know i guess maybe if he
had fallen out
with the people up top i have no idea but um
how are you just gonna blame it on him and not get rid of your fucking gm i don't
know what they see in
this our gm i have no fucking idea i don't know uh
i have no idea what this guy's doing i mean he got rid of everybody and i just
didn't i don't see you
they are we actually were playing our best hockey of the year i felt
you know we won three in a row lost a tough one of the fucking capitals not a
tough one they actually
kicked our ass five or two but i mean what the fuck they're the capitals we
didn't do bad for a
seventh seed i know i think it's a dumb move you get rid of the guy it's like
okay you want to get rid
of the guy who are you gonna replace him with who's out there you know and
actually tweeted
congratulations to every every other nhl team out there that needs a fucking
coach that knows how to
win a cup um because that's what we just dumped um i don't know i don't know i
don't get the shit that
stuff where the ownership gives into the fan base it's like what are they
listening to the
fucking dopes that call into sports talk radio i've never called in a sports
talk i watch sports
all the fucking time i would never call in a sports talk radio show you know
just specifically to talk
about the sports thing i mean i'll call in in to hype a show you know whore
myself out oh i i would
absolutely do that i was speaking of whoring myself out um but wait wait wait
wait let me get back so
uh thank you to claude julian and uh for bringing us a stanley cup and uh
ending up you know 40 year
drought um and continued success wherever you go i know you're going to do
great wherever you go
hopefully you got a better gm at the next place you go to um so anyways
um after all my ranting and ravings about uh award shows i think i might be a
presenter at one
old hollywood bill is the uh writers guild awards and um they asked me to be a
presenter or whatever
and at first i was like nah i'm not gonna go down and do that fucking bullshit
but then you know what
i'm actually i guess softening up or selling out depends on how you look at it
but what i realize is that
on our show um it's those award shows are a big deal for uh for the writers
because that's how
they actually get money so if you win an emmy um or a writers guild or a sag
thing or whatever
it's great for the writers in the writers room because they can say that they
wrote on an emmy
award-winning show and blah blah blah blah so old freckles has to play the game
a little bit um
go put on a goddamn monkey suit it's a black tie thing i gotta go i'm gonna go
to one of those
fucking prom places where they have the cheap tuxedos because i don't think
anybody can
fucking tell and just come out in those goddamn plastic bowling shoes um i don't
know who the
fuck decided that they wanted me to be a fucking presenter but like if they've
never they've obviously
never listened to me read out loud on uh on my podcast but uh i don't know i
figured this would
be a good one to try out see what i think about it because uh it's not televised
you know and um
i don't know we'll see if i can actually read out loud i don't know me has been
on me about this
you gotta do it you gotta play the game all right i'm playing the game why make
a
difficult business even more goddamn difficult um so it i'll give it i'll
let you guys know how that goes how am i reading out loud if that's in fact
what they have me do
but it's not bad it's only like two hours long um so it kind of seems like the
best one to go to
and pat noswild is hosting it and i think he's a fucking genius so at least i'll
get to listen to
his monologue um but i'm without a doubt i'm gonna get the fuck i'm gonna get a
nice fucking
i'm gonna get a senior prom special
the clip-on fucking tie and all of that shit that's like the dumbest shit ever
to go out and uh
go buy some expensive tuxedo it's like what are you a fucking rockefeller
uh but i guess people trash you then right when you watch walk the red carpet
or something like
that um so anyway so there you go there's my fullest shit moment after making
fun of all those
fucking award shows uh i'm actually gonna uh go to one i don't know what are
you gonna do the
fuck am i gonna do right i'm doing it for the team okay can i get out of it by
saying that so anyways
i was saying um how my um my uh my sporting world how it could get any better
after the uh
the patriots win and then they uh the letdown of seeing them give in to the fan
pressure whatever
the fuck they did getting rid of coach julian um tonight me fursy and uh joe
bartnick are doing
a bucket list thing for any person that's even remotely into sports we're going
to the uh the duke
versus uh north carolina tar heels game tonight and we got some great seats we're
sitting right behind the
fucking duke bench coach k is going to be there if it wasn't so goddamn loud in
that place we could hear
him you know during the timeouts and everything it's going to be crazy so uh i
don't know there's
a chance you might see the three three of us dummies on tv um but beyond
excited to go to this like this
is a this is a huge one this is a huge one um as far as the bucket list sports
stuff to go to uh
years ago i told you i don't know if i told you guys i went to the um i went to
uh indiana university
versus um was it michigan state and i believe it was the year that michigan
state won the national
championship and bobby knight was still coaching there and um i've never seen
anything like that
all the years everything i've ever every sporting event i've ever gone to i
have never seen anything
like watching bobby knight coach a game i mean that guy you watched him more as
much if not more
than you were watching the game i was actually rooting for the spartans you
know i came there
rooting for indiana but bobby was so fucking entertaining i started rooting for
the spartans
because i wanted to see him flip out even more i've never seen somebody with he
actually made me feel
good about myself like just complete loss of composure obviously or whatever
his coaching style
motivating people i remember they let up a couple of easy buckets
and this kid the point guard starts bringing it up to court and bobby knight is
like 10 feet
onto the court and he's yelling so much he's like do you ever see uh was it ben
kingsley and sexy beast
when he when he's when he's yelling it'd be in a right cunt and he's like
throwing his head into
everything that he's sayi