Name: Bill Burr - The New Meditating, More Relaxed Bill
Uploaded: 2017-02-14T01:08:16.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - The New Meditating, More Relaxed Bill' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-02-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - The New Meditating, More Relaxed Bill' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-02-14. Transcript available.

this is the new me the new meditating bill the more relaxed bill who's undoing
the fucking
knots of anxiety in his mind i i cannot say enough about fucking meditating um
now that i'm not trying to like get good at it i'm just trying to do it
um i don't flip out to the level i used to like i think you know say like 10 is
the worst flipping
out i think i used to walk around just walk around on a good day i was already
at a six
compared to how most people are when they're just like totally chilling out
so it was a very quick and easy trip up to 10. now i feel like i walk around at
like a three
i feel like i've cut it in half so now when i flip out i kind of just go to six
which is still
totally unacceptable for most social situations i still flip out and people
look over their
shoulders startled but not with the level of of what the fuck you know what i
mean
reminds me this time i saw i was on like highway eight or something interstate
eight
i think i was in arizona new mexico i don't know where the fuck i was at
and this bull had somehow gotten free i mean i was in the middle of fucking
nowhere i was
and there was two cowboys right on horses and these are cowboys they're trying
to fucking
rope a goddamn bull which i don't know if you can do i don't know what the fuck
they were doing
so one of them's trying to distract the bull is the other one is on a horse
that is sneaking up behind
it and the horse is sneaking up the way horses sneak up in a fucking cartoon
and this bull at the
last second figured it out and he fucking turned around you know that look bruce
willis always does when
he looks over his shoulder and die hard it's the same thing except it was a
fucking bull that's the
look that people when i would lose my shit prior to meditating i would get that
look everyone would
fucking turn around like you know a skyscraper was on fire and it was just some
fucking balding redhead
flipping out because he couldn't figure out the new operating system on his on
his smartphone
completely unacceptable so uh my temper has has really reduced and um i'm
telling you if i can
just not fucking do i just made this statement out loud it's like i'm my
daughter's not going to see
me flipping out you know i'm not saying i won't every way hey hey hey hey hey
hey when she's
fucking drawing on the wall at some point but uh she's not going to see me
yelling at computers it's
just not going to happen okay and i say it out loud when i say it out loud that
means it happens right
i hope so anyways i'm trying fuck you guys i'm trying anytime i talk about this
too in my stand-up
back then i'm gonna try to fix my temper people just start laughing they laugh
and they point they
make me feel bad um all right um after running around like a fucking lunatic
reacting to everything
for the first fucking you know 40 something years of my life um you know i
would like to slow down a
little bit as far as being i mean look i'm still i know all you guys are
worried like oh god he's
gonna slow down he's not gonna be fucking fine i'm still gonna completely fuck
up i'm still gonna do dumb
shit i'm gonna be fine but i don't have to be walking around i basically walked
around
stuck in fight or flight mode probably from the age of eight till now and um
i don't know it's a stupid it's not it's funny to observe but it really wears
on the people around
you and eventually it wears you down and it's just like the amount of time that
i have wasted arguing
with people where they're not going to change their mind i'm not going to
change my mind
i've just i i've uh i'm done i'm past that point in my life and it feels great
i just have to believe that i am um i'm trying to do now when i flip up because
i know there's
other angry cunts that listen to this and you listen to this because i'm an
angry cunt to it
it probably makes you feel better about yourself um which is why i love bobby
knight but you watch
bobby knight you're like oh my god i'm a saint this guy now this guy's got a
temper that i'm telling you
right now and your wife ever gives you shit for having a temper it's like you
think i got a temper
just cut the you can be married to that and i love bobby knight by the way um
so anyways uh
i just now like uh i don't know i try to in the moment i just try to
like this is funny thing that happens like when my daughter uh you know needs a
diaper changed it's
like you know you hear him farting and everything so you're thinking like okay
that's definitely uh you know and you i'm without getting into the gross
details
just think you hear the fart and you think that's the gun sounding the end of
the game
and then once you get into it you realize that wasn't the gun sounding the end
of the game or
even the end of the half that was the sound of the jets flying over the game
over the stadium right after the national anthem and the game's about ready to
begin
um i had a left pad save yesterday blocker cheese block saved my wall took it
all on my shirt and all
that it's just like it's unbelievable and whenever that happens like a couple
times i went like nia
she why'd you tell me to come in she's still going like she could tell like
there's any way for my wife to
know whether my daughter is done going to the bathroom or not she's got no idea
and i i apologized
and uh i just addressed that i was angry and i and i did it two more times now
now i got it down now i
just say something as i walk up to the changing table at three or four in the
morning and i just basically
say if she's not done and you know this is not anybody's fault this is just
part of having a kid
don't flip out and i i'll see how that works for me tonight that's just basic i
just um before i just
kept it all in my head and then it becomes like it isn't that's it's sort of
sort of real but isn't
i just find when i say it out loud then i can address it and uh so we'll see
that